Hell hath no fury like a woman
by Yukie666
Summary: Naruto didn't come back from his three year training trip as planned. How will Konoha react to his arrival after nine years? AU with some OOC, you have been warned.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Obviously don't own Naruto.

Legend: "Yo" Normal speech

**"Yo" **Demon/summon speech

Yo Normal thought

____**Yo**____ Demon/Inner self thoughts

_----_

It had been a long three years. In that time a young boy grew into a young man. A man whose childish antics gave way to a mature side, still at times another side would surface, his perverted side. This side came into being due to the nature of the man the boy travelled with being not just a pervert, but the self proclaimed god of the perverts. Of course this would rub off on the boy after being together for three years. While he wasn't as bad as the older man himself, he was a couple notches below him on the totem pole of perverseness.

With the gates of his home coming into sight, it was time to put up the serious side of him. He wasn't ready to go back. He had things that still had to be done before he could call this place home again.

"It's great to be finally coming home isn't it," the man said to the boy walking behind him.

He didn't receive an answer, only silence.

"Naruto?"

Nothing again, the old man hated to be ignored, especially by the brat that was his companion. Turning, Jiraiya prepared to smack the boy for ignoring him. What he found was nothing, Naruto was nowhere in sight.

"Damn it Gaki, where the hell did you go off to?"

Jiraiya didn't sense the presence behind him, but he felt a thump at the base of his skull and watched as the blackness over took him.

"Sorry old man, but I'm not ready to go back yet," Naruto said to himself as he looked down at the unconscious form of his teacher.

Now he realized that he had a bit a predicament on his hands. He couldn't just leave this man where he laid, but he couldn't carry him to Konoha. If he did that he would have lost the chance to leave again. It was then it him.

Quickly biting his thumb and performing a seal he muttered, "**Kuchiyose no Jutsu****," **and slammed his hand into the ground.

**"Yo boss!"** a small toad said the ground before him.

"Hey Gamakichi, what have you been up to?"

**"Not much, screwing around, chasing girls, you know**** the usual, y****ou?"**

"Pretty much the same thing, but we can talk about that later. I need a favor from you."

**"Sure thing, what do ya need?"**

"I need you to deliver a message for me to the Hokage, tell her that Ero-Sennin is passed out outside of town and someone needs to carry his heavy ass back."

The little toad looked at Naruto for a moment before giving him a salute and jumped towards Konoha. Once he was out of sight, Naruto turned to the old man. Now that was being taken care of, he had one more thing to do before he left. Chuckling to himself he walked over to Jiraiya's pack and looked inside for the tool he would need. Smiling a bit wider when he found it, he turned back to the old man. A sinister smile gracing his face.

----

Today was not going to be a good day. It started out nice, but by the time Tsunade arrived at her office she could see that this day was going to just suck. There, on her desk, was a fresh pile of paperwork. She remembered completely finishing all her paperwork the night prior, but somehow more appeared to take its place the next day. Heaving a sigh, she dragged herself behind her desk and dipped her quill to begin the torture feared by all Kages.

After about thirty pages in, she felt that little tug inside her. Her body's way of letting her know it was time for a drink. Reaching for the drawer that held her usual stash, she threw the clock on a wall a quick glance. Noting that it was only half passed nine, she pulled her hand away from the drawer. It was too early to be drinking, and she sure as hell didn't need to be reprimanded by the council for drinking on the job. 'God, why did I even take this job?' she thought to herself as she finished another piece of paper work. She didn't even notice the bit of weight on her head.

**"Yo!"**

"Huh, who said that?" she said, as she looked around the room.

**"Up here, you old bat."**

Looking up she couldn't see the source of the voice, god help the person who made that remark when she found him. It was then she noticed a little toad hand waving in front of her eyes. Reaching up, she grabbed the little demon and began to squeeze.

"You!"

Gamakichi couldn't say anything at the moment, due to being strangled.

"You called me old!" Tsunade growled and she continued squeezing. Then a poof and a crack was heard and her hands were filled with the remnants of a sake bottle.

**"Man I got to thank Naruto for showing me how to use substitution. Never thought I would've had to use it here though."**

Tsunade glanced at the toad through tear filled eyes. She had unknowingly crushed the last bottle she had in her office.

**"Sorry about that, but bro sent me to give you a message****, sorry about your booze, but can't have you killing the messenger can we?"** the toad said with a smirk.

Hearing that Naruto sent the toad to give her a message, she quickly forgot about the bottle. Disposing of the glass, she gestured for the toad to continue.

**"Naruto sent me to tell you that the old man passed out and would need som****eone to carry as Naruto put it ****the ****'****fat ass' back here."**

Tsunade chuckled at the reference to her former teammate.

"I guess I could send someone," she threw a quick glance at her remaining paperwork, "or I could just go get them myself, and escape this hell for a little while, that sound like a plan?"

Gamakichi nodded and jumped onto her shoulder. With him to lead her, Tsunade made way for the window. Using Jiraiya's usual entrance as an escape.

----

Naruto was a few miles outside of Konoha, not sure which direction he should go to first. He knew that Tsunade would receive his message and would understand. Hopefully she would be able to talk the council out of making him into a Nukenin. Stopping to give him a chance to think about where he was going to do, and how he was going to make money. He realized that he had yet to receive his payment from his first C class mission. With that in mind he turned towards the Land of the Waves and began to run.

----

Jiraiya was hurting and a little bit chilly. He started to get up from where he laid but stopped when his vision began to spin. Giving him a moment to gain his bearings he looked around himself for signs of his assailant, finding none he looked at his situation. He was alone; naked as the day he was born, in the middle of the road leading to Konoha, not a good situation, especially if someone finds him like this. Looking around he noticed that his bag was off to the side of the road. Running to it, he poured out the contents hoping the scroll that he sealed his extra clothes into was still there. Unfortunately for him it was gone.

"I'm going to kill that little bastard, when I see him, but first I'll strip him and tie him to the wall in the female side of the hot springs," he muttered to himself.

"Jiraiya?" said a voice from behind him.

Not paying attention to his current situation, he spun and prepared for an attack. What he found was no enemy, but might as well been. Before him was the only person he truly loved and feared, Tsunade.

"Tsuna-hime, what are you doing here?" Jiraiya asked as he quickly covered himself.

"Well," she paused and glanced over Jiraiya, "I received a message from Naruto that you were unconscious and needed help getting you back home. Where is your clothes and for that matter, where is the little runt?"

It clicked then for Jiraiya. He knew who his assailant was. The reason for the attack was still a mystery though. He would worry about it later. Right now he had to figure out how to tell Tsunade without risking bodily harm. Going against his better judgment, he just got it out.

"He left after he knocked me out, I don't know where he could have gone."

"He what?! How could you have let him go? You know there are people out to get him. That boy has more enemies now than most ninja do by the time they retired!" she screamed while smacking Jiraiya silly.

"Ow! Damn it, stop hitting me Tsunade, you don't think I know that?" Jiraiya said as he attempted to defend himself from her blows, "I believe in the kid, he's old enough to handle himself."

Tsunade paused from her beating to glare at the man. "How can you be so sure?"

"Well he spent three years training with the best ninja in the world you know?" Jiraiya said, puffing his chest out a bit.

"Really? Could you point him out to me, because I don't see him," Tsunade deadpanned, causing Jiraiya to drop his shoulders and wipe away a small tear.

"That was harsh," he mumbled under his breath.

Tsunade put a comforting hand on his shoulder, feeling a little bad for saying that comment. "Did he at least leave a note?"

"I didn't find one in my pack but maybe I missed it, I'll go through it again to be sure."

Tsunade watched as Jiraiya rummaged through his bag, throwing things over his shoulder as he did. It was then she noticed something peculiar about Jiraiya's back side. 'He didn't…' she walked closer getting a better look of Jiraiya's ass, 'oh my god he did!'

"Jiraiya could you stand up please, I need to check something."

Jiraiya looked over his shoulder at his teammate strangely but complied. Tsunade quickly knelt down and examined something leaving Jiraiya to think of what she could possibly want to check, and then it hit him. There could be only one thing she could check in her position. 'Oh lord no, not that, I had that checked months ago!'

Tsunade was oblivious to her teammate's thoughts, but she did notice him sweating a bit more. She was too busy reading Naruto's 'note' which consisted of a few sentences inked onto his mentor's ass, to care.

'Baa-Chan, sorry for leaving you two like this, but there was things I still needed to do by myself. While I'm not sure how long it will be before I return, there is one thing I can promise. I will still keep in touch. Once you finish this, you can tell the old man what I said. I'll be far enough distance away that neither of you can catch up.

P.S. See other cheek'

Tsunade looked at the message for a moment, and then turned to other cheek to see something written on it.

'Don't tell the old man, but I swapped his "research" for a manuscript from his yaoi counterpart. Think of it as payback for snagging my wallet in the last village. I don't want him to know till he unseals the scroll, so do me a favor and place a chakra enhanced pinch under this message to make it fade away. He he paybacks are great.'

Tsunade couldn't help but smile at the antics of her younger 'brother'. He always had a way to make her feel better. With a smirk, she focused a bit of her chakra into her thumb and fore finger and gave Jiraiya a mighty pinch.

"Ow!" he screeched, and turned to face the one who pinched him. While he was expecting much worse, he wasn't ready for that.

"Naruto left a message, say he'll be gone for awhile," Tsunade said while putting on an innocent face.

"What message? I didn't see any message."

Tsunade tried to keep a straight face but was losing the battle. Jiraiya then realized what she was looking at. Peering over his shoulder he could see ink. 'I'm going to fucking kill him!'

"Well Jiraiya, I think it's time we headed back. It won't be long before Shizune notices I'm not in my office."

Jiraiya nodded and quickly henged into a clothed version of himself, then started following behind Tsunade.

"Hey Jiraiya," Tsunade said, not bothering to turn around, "I see you still have that scar."

At that moment, Jiraiya wanted one thing. He wanted to disappear off the face of the planet.

----

It had been a hard two days of running, but Naruto found himself in the land of wave. Staring at a bridge that was named after him.

"Wow" he said to no one in particular.

Looking back and forth he could see the town had picked up drastically since the completion of the bridge. Everywhere was signs of a healthy economy. He could rows of street merchants and shoppers busily walking from one to another. 'I need to see Tazuna and ask some questions, but there are two people I need to see first.' Knowing his destination, Naruto began the walk to his first two friends' graves.

It wasn't long before he could see where the graves lay. As he got closer, he could see someone paying their respects, but he still couldn't make out the identity of the person. Thinking the worse, Naruto went into stealth mode. Suppressing his chakra, he jumped into the bushes that lined the path and slowly made his toward the kneeling man. When he was close enough, he moved a branch and got a look at the man. Instantly his blood ran cold and his body seemed to stop all functions. 'What is he doing here!?'

----

A/N: Woot, another story up. For the readers of my other stories, I apologize for not updating my stories. My summer class was kicking my ass and I needed to focus on the important things first. Word of advice for those in college, never take an English literature class during the summer. Three months work that needed to be done in five weeks? That's just evil. As always reviews and inputs are welcome. Word of warning this story takes place in an alternate universe so somethings will not happen as they did in canon. There will be some out of contexts and whatnot. I'm sure people will be happy with my kind of spin on things. There is no pairings as of yet but I have a good idea about two of them. What they are? Well you're going to have to read to find out. Quick question, can anyone figure out what scar Tsunade was referring to? The only hint, it's a type of scar a man can receive, especially one's from Jewish families. Until next time.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer/Legend: See first chapter

----

Three figures walked slowly towards the edge of the monument that kept watch over Konoha. All were clad in black cloaks and wore wide brimmed hats. Following behind was a small fox. As they came to the edge, they took a moment to take in the view. The fox made his way between the figures stopping just behind the largest one, looking up it did something that it shouldn't have, it spoke.

"What's it like to be home after six years, brat?"

The figure turned, revealing blue eyes, "It's good."

"That's it?" the fox said, "That's all you can say?"

"You got a problem you glorified house cat?" the figure said with a snicker.

Now the fox wasn't happy. He was put through one bad situation after another due to the brat, but he took it in stride. That remark however was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. With a low growl, it mustered all the power it could and leapt. It knew it couldn't win in a direct confrontation, so it used the element of surprise.

The figure turned around when he heard the fox's silence. He knew the fox never let a remark go, he was obviously up to something. What he met was a ball of fur, angry fur. Growling, the fox bit and scratched whatever it could get a hold of. Surprised by the attack, the figure was oblivious that he was falling back. Driven by the force of the foxes attack, he took one step back then another. To his surprise the ground had ended and he felt himself falling. His attacker didn't let up though, content in an attempt to remove his earlobe.

His companions watched the show. This was a usual thing. Carefully they edged forward and peered over the cliff. The larger of the two snickered at the sight, but the smaller one gave a shrug. Giving one last look, they turned and headed down the path that led to the village. They would meet their friend at the bottom.

----

Six years prior

Naruto stood there in fear, 'What is he doing here!'

"It would appear he is paying his last respects to his friend," a voice said from behind him.

Naruto turned his head slowly, his neck creaking in protest, to find himself staring at the face of one Itachi Uchiha. Who at the moment was happily munching a stick of pocky. Dumbfounded in horror, he just stood there gaping. Then the unthinkable happened. The man held out a box.

"Pocky?"

Naruto couldn't believe it. A man feared across the land, one who wiped almost all of his clan in a night, was offering him candy. He heard stories about taking candy from strangers, but this wasn't really a stranger and there wasn't a van in sight. 'Speaking of which, what the hell is a van?' Naruto thought to himself. Shakily he accepted and took a stick and slowly began to eat it. He turned his attention back to the large man. After a moment he stood up and turned to the bush Naruto and Itachi was in.

"You two can come out now."

Slowly the two stood up and walked out. Naruto made sure to keep a fair amount of distance between the shark man, while Itachi walked up to him. After a moment, Naruto pointed at the large man.

"What are you doing here?!"

"Paying my respects," Kisame said solemnly.

Naruto glanced at him for a moment then looked at Itachi, "You?"

"Pocky Festival"

Naruto just stared at the smaller of the two.

"How can I be sure you two aren't deceiving me? For all I know, you could be planning to capture me for the Akatsuki."

Kisame looked at the boy, "You don't have to worry about that. Akatsuki is no more."

"What?"

"Kid, sit down," said Itachi, "This going to take awhile to explain. "

Naruto looked at the man for a moment before taking a seat. Itachi began the lengthy explanation of the fall of Akatsuki. Naruto, being the poster child for sufferers of A.D.D. began to think about other things. Glancing at Kisame he had a thought 'are those things on his face gills? Can he breathe underwater? Maybe he can talk to fish. Man that would be awesome; I would love to be able to talk to fish.'

"You understand now, Naruto?" Itachi asked.

"Huh," Naruto said as he was pulled from his thoughts, "What?"

Itachi just stared at him, his left eye ticking. Kisame let out a guffaw.

"Kid, let me give you the short version," Kisame said, "The leader betrayed us, all of us. He told us that we would help reform the world. What he didn't tell us was for that to happen; we would have to be sacrificed. I don't know about you, but I sure as hell don't want to reform a world I can't be part of. The nine of us banded together and went against the leader, killing him. After that we parted ways, the only reason me and Itachi travel together is because we're friends."

"So you're not here to capture me?"

"Nope"

"You sure?" Naruto asked, not quite trusting these two yet.

Itachi's tick became a nervous twitch, affecting the left side of his face. Blinking out of existence, he appeared next to Naruto. Grabbing him by the neck, he began to shake him like a ragdoll.

"You goddamn idiot!" he screamed as he continued to shake/choke Naruto, "How many ways do we have to tell you? We're not here for you anymore!"

"Okay, okay, I get it," Naruto grunted out as he tried to escape Itachi's grasp, "I believe you! You can let me go!"

Itachi dropped him and began to pace, mumbling and throwing his arms up every few seconds. Naruto sat there, checking his neck for any lasting damage. He didn't notice Kisame walking up to Zabuza's grave.

"Hey kid, catch," Kisame said.

Naruto, who was pulling himself off the ground, wasn't paying attention, "What...oof!"

Kisame chuckled at the sight of Naruto being crushed by Zabuza's sword.

"What the hell man?" Naruto said as he pushed the sword off himself.

"Kid, I was friends with Zabuza. He wanted that sword to go his son someday or someone who was like a son to him."

"That doesn't explain why you gave it to me. What about Haku?"

"One," Kisame gestured to grave next to Zabuza's, "Haku is dead. Two, Haku was a girl."

Naruto just gaped, "Haku was a girl? She told me that she was a boy!"

"Kid, I knew Haku since Zabuza found her. Itachi himself found out the hard way."

Itachi who was still ranting about 'stupid blonde brats' paused for a moment and shuddered.

"Huh?"

Kisame walked over to Naruto and whispered into his ear, "Itachi walked in on her while she was in the bath. Let's just say she kept those needles on her at all times and Itachi is lucky to still be able to have kids."

Naruto nodded, unconsciously holding his boys. It was true that hell hath no fury like a woman.

"Okay I understand that, but how am I going to be able to use his sword? I don't know anyone who uses something like this," Naruto said as he lifted the blade, which weighed as much as him.

"That kid is where I come in," Kisame said as he placed his hand on Naruto's shoulder, "You helped Zabuza regain his humanity in the end. It's the least I could do."

Naruto looked up at the man. Being witness to a side of Kisame few have seen.

"Now kid, it's time to explain yourself. What are you doing out here alone? You're not a missing ninja are you?"

Naruto stood there for a moment then began to nervously scratch his head. "Not exactly…"

Kisame stood there listening to Naruto explain. He was joined by Itachi midway. After about twenty minutes, he finished his recap on the last three years of his life. Itachi nodded while Kisame was dumbfounded.

"Jiraiya really peeps? One would think that he would be more serious, being a Sannin."

"The old man is a super pervert," Naruto told them, "he's a thief as well. He robbed me many times."

Naruto was about to continue, but his stomach interrupted. Growling due to the lack of food for two days.

"I think it's time to head back, you're hungry, I'm hungry, I'm sure Mr. Stoic is hungry as well," Kisame said with a smile.

Naruto nodded, Kisame reached into his bag and pulled out a belt. With a few adjustments, he fashioned a makeshift sword holder for Naruto. With that completed, the three made their way towards the village .Once it was in sight, Naruto could see a banner proclaiming that there was indeed a Pocky festival happening. The silence was broken when a giggle erupted from the normally solemn Uchiha. Seeing this, Naruto and Kisame both took a step back, giving each other a look that clearly said "Hide your wallet."

Once they entered the town. Itachi separated and ran/skipped to the concession stands, while Kisame and Naruto just stared at the scene.

"So kid what do you feel like eating? Your treat of course," the man said with a grin, revealing his pointed teeth.

Naruto thought for a moment, he couldn't say no. This man was going to train him in the use of large swords, but he wasn't sure if he would have enough for anything more than ramen. 'That's it, ramen is cheap and wholesome! He can't bitch because he isn't the one footing the bill.'

"Ramen"

"Sounds good, I know a place."

Naruto grinned and followed the man. About ten minutes later both could be found at a booth happily slurping away at noodles. When they had arrived, the owner along with his daughter greeted them warmly. Oddly enough, both the owner and his daughter resembled Teuchi and Ayame from home. 'Must be distant relatives' Naruto thought with amusement as he worked his way through his tenth bowl, Kisame was keeping pace with Naruto the whole way. After a moment he stopped and turned to Naruto.

"Hey kid, I have something I've been wondering about."

"Hmm?" Naruto mumbled through a mouthful of foods.

"Do you only eat ramen?"

Naruto looked at him for a second and stopped eating. Sadness graced his face.

"I take it you know about me?" Naruto asked the man, realizing that it was a stupid question. 'Of course he knows about what I am, I mean he tried to capture me'. "Well in my hometown, people treated me like shit. I lived in an orphanage till they threw me out. Then I had to live on my own. The old man took care of me best as he could, but that wasn't much due to the assholes on the council. I had an allowance and was given an apartment, but other than that I had to fend for myself. Most stores wouldn't let me buy things, and those that did either overcharged me, or let me get crap. Hence," he gestured to his jacket, "I wasn't an idiot, I know orange is a horrible color for a ninja, but it was all I could get. Eventually it grew on me, turned out to be my favorite color."

He paused to get another bite and to let the information sink in.

"Now for ramen, when I was living on my own. I had to shop for myself. None of the grocers would let me buy anything that I needed. So I did most of my shopping at a small convenience store run by a nice old woman. She was always nice to me, but I think it was because she was very near sighted and couldn't tell who I really was. Then there was old man Teuchi. He ran a ramen stand near my home. He was genuinely nice. He saw me for who I really was. Just some kid, not a demon as the others did. It too, grew on me."

Kisame just stared at the boy. A kid young as he was should not have to be put through that. He could relate with a little bit. He was the outcast when he was a child. In actuality, his whole clan was. The males always took on a shark like appearance. The other kids and villagers were scared of him, but he never went through as much heartache as the boy next to him did. He at least had a family to go back to, Naruto didn't.

"Well kid, you're not in your village anymore. You don't have to subsist on ramen anymore. You need real food. You're scrawny so get some protein in your system. Your short, get more calcium. Buy some new clothes. Just be yourself."

Naruto looked up the man, gaining a new found respect for him. Finishing his bowl he asked for the check. Paying for his and Kisame's meal, he noticed a piece of paper tucked into his change. As he walked, he opened it up. Written on it was a number followed by a name 'Akame'. 'My god, her name is even similar' Naruto thought to himself stopping to throw the young girl a glance. She blew a kiss gave Naruto a suggestive wink. 'Why do I sense this is going to turn out to be a bad thing?' Naruto thought as he turned back.

Kisame, who watched this take place, started to smirk.

"Turning into quite the lady killer aren't we?"

Naruto tried to hide his blush but couldn't, so he did the next best thing. He took a page from Sasuke's book and grunted.

"Ah, think of it, soon girls will be throwing themselves at you," Kisame said, staring off into the distance to add some dramatic effect. "I think it's about time to find that nut I call a partner and head in. You got a place to stay for the night?"

Naruto looked at the man, and felt the weight of his wallet. The meal had almost emptied his wallet. He knew he didn't have enough for an inn. He shook his head.

"Well, Itachi and I are staying with an acquaintance. I'm sure he wouldn't mind letting you stay for a few days."

"Cool"

"Speaking of acquaintances, here comes Itachi now."

Naruto looked down the street and saw Itachi running towards them, still in a sugar high.

"You guys aren't going to believe it. They had so many kinds of Pocky and free samples!"

"That's great, but it's time we head back," Itachi pouted at this, "Listen, I'm sure the festival will still be going on tomorrow."

Itachi nodded sadly and followed Kisame along with Naruto. Soon they were standing outside a large house. Naruto was in awe of the place.

"Who lives here? I mean this place is friggin huge!"

Kisame grinned a little when he looked at the boy, "Just wait and see. Hey you old bastard! Open the damn door!"

After a minute, footsteps could be heard walking to door with more than a bit of muttering. A moment later the door opened.

"You!" two voices shouted simultaneously.

----

A/N: Well another chapter out. I apologize for the length and not getting deeper into the story with this one but I'm leaving for Maine later today. No computer for a week is going to suck, so I'm going to writing old school. As always, reviews are welcome. Until next time folks.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer/Legend: See first chapter

----

Still in the past…

"You!" said two voices simultaneously.

Kisame looked back and forth from Naruto and Tazuna. "I take it you two know each other."

"This old fool was the cause of my first serious mission."

"Who you calling old, you brat?" Tazuna barked as veins on his forehead made themselves known.

"Speaking of the mission, you still haven't paid for it yet!"

"The Hokage told me to send it when my country could afford it. I sent the money yesterday."

"Shit," Naruto muttered to himself.

"I'd say from the look of you that you're hard up for money. That and the fact you came here with fish face and the mute."

Kisame bristled at the comment while Itachi just stood there with a neutral expression.

"Why don't you three come in and tell me the situation," he said as stepped aside to let the three pass, "Just be quiet, Inari and Tsunami are sleeping."

The three nodded and followed Tazuna into the parlor. Naruto took a seat on one of the chairs near the fireplace while Kisame flopped down on the couch. Itachi just leaned against the wall.

"OK, why don't you explain to me why you're here and with those two?"

Naruto nodded and began to talk about the time since he left to the point where he arrived at Tazuna's house. It was half an hour later when he finished. Tazuna just stared at the boy while the information sank in. After a couple minutes he finally spoke.

"So your now on a training journey after finishing one with Jiraiya, Kisame is going to train you in the use of Zabuza's sword, and your low on cash?"

"That's pretty much it in a nutshell."

Tazuna stroked his beard solemnly as he contemplated something. After a moment a plan came to fruition.

"Well Naruto, I guess I can let you stay here with those two and help you with money."

"Awesome!"

"But, you're not going to get either for free. You're going to have to work for it. Think of it as a trade."

"I'm cool with it. So what do you need? Bodyguard or something?"

Tazuna chuckled darkly, "You'll see in the morning…"

Naruto didn't like the look the old man had, but he couldn't complain. He was going to give him room and board. He knew that he needed to change the subject.

"Tazuna can I ask you something?"

"Hmm?"

"How do you know Kisame and Itachi?"

"Well they took care of a bandit problem we had a few months ago. I'm sure they can explain it better than I can."

Naruto looked at Kisame first.

"They attacked our camp, we couldn't let it slide," Kisame told him.

Naruto nodded and looked at Itachi.

"They stole my pocky."

Naruto was about to say something but was interrupted by Tazuna

"I think it's time to head to bed, Naruto you will be bunking with those two in the room next to Inari's."

----

Back to the present…

"Naruto can I ask you something?" Kisame asked.

"Yessum?"

"Why are we heading into town now? I mean you're not supposed to meet with the Hokage till tomorrow."

"Well I don't know about you, but I think I can speak for Itachi and myself when I say this. Neither of us wants to camp out if we can help it."

Kisame looked hurt at this comment. He couldn't understand how people could hate camping out. Being out in the real world surrounded by nature was surely better than spending time in a city.

"Anyways my apartment is close by. According to the old bag it should still be vacant. I mean who wants to live in the place the demon did?" he said with a sad chuckle.

"Listen kid, people fear what they don't understand. It's the nature of you humans," the fox said, hoping to lift the boy's spirits a bit.

"Whatever fuzz butt, it's only a few blocks away so we should hurry. I know people can't recognize us but the ANBU might and I don't feel like hurting people tonight."

Kisame and Itachi nodded while Naruto lifted the mask that was around hanging under his chin. When that was done, Naruto led the way to his old home. As he walked, he couldn't help being amazed at how much the village has changed over the years. Apparently Tsunade was doing something right as Hokage for the village to be this prosperous. After a few minutes of walking the four were walking through Naruto's old neighborhood. It changed the most in these past nine years.

Gone were the signs of the lower class neighborhood. Replaced with buildings that looked new, with stores taking up the most the lowest floors in most of them. Soon they were near the corner that Naruto's apartment was around. Stopping and turning, trying to build up dramatics Naruto spoke.

"Around this corner my boys, is the place I called home for seven hellish years. The one and only home of Naruto Uzamaki," Naruto said with an eye grin.

Turning back around Naruto turned around the corner. Only to be met with something he would never expect. He gaped along with Kisame as he stared at the sight. The fox was currently on the ground rolling in laughter. Gone was his apartment, the only place he could have called home. Replaced by a massive snack food store. It was Itachi who said the name of the store out loud.

"Yuka's House of Pocky"

Naruto just stared at the abomination. The last letter he received from Tsunade told him that his home was still around and that she would take care of it. She didn't mention it being replaced with a Pocky store. Naruto's thoughts were interrupted as he was hugged from behind.

"Naruto, you beautiful man. Why didn't you tell me you lived in the greatest store in existence?"

Naruto just stared in disbelief at the man who was now rubbing his face into his chest. Kisame and the fox just looked at the two, trying to contain their laughter, but it was what happened next that ended it for them.

"Naruto," Itachi bent down on one knee, pulling out a ring from god knows where, "Will you marry me?"

Naruto didn't respond. He was speechless. Not from joy mind you, but from the rage of seeing his home not in the condition that he left it in.

"I'M GOING TO KILL THAT OLD BITCH!" He roared, scaring Itachi, who decided that it would be best to slip into the store and see their selection.

Naruto knew he had to see Tsunade now; this wasn't something he could let go. It was then that he noticed Itachi sneaking off towards the store.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?!"

Itachi stopped and looked at Naruto, then back towards the store. He couldn't have been more obvious.

"I'm going in"

"Like hell you are, all of you are going to come with me to the Hokage's tower. She is going to explain to me why my apartment's gone."

"Do we have to? You don't need the three of us," whined Itachi.

"Yes I do! You three don't get a say in the matter."

The fox and Kisame nodded, while Itachi began to shed tears. With a growl from Naruto, Itachi regained his composure and nodded. Soon they were making their way across the rooftops in the direction of the tower. After ten minutes they were there. What surprised Naruto was the lack of personnel. The building seemed to be run by a skeleton crew of workers. The four were able to sneak in easily.

After going up a few flights of stairs they were in the hall that held the Hokage's office. Out front of the door, was a single ANBU. Looking bored out of his mind.

"Man I wish something interesting would happen around here," he mumbled to himself, but loud enough for Naruto to hear.

"Well I guess you're in luck today," Naruto said as he walked toward the guard, still enraged.

"Who the hell are you?! What do you want!?"

"Well my companions," he gestured to the three, "and myself are here to see the Hokage."

"I take it from the look of you guys, that you don't have an appointment?" the man said as he took on a fighting stance.

Naruto just shrugged and disappeared, only to reappear next to the guard.

"How did you…" the man never had a chance to finish his sentence as Naruto backhanded him.

Kisame winced as he watched the man hit the wall.

"Christ, you didn't have to hit him that hard."

Naruto turned and glared at him.

"You say something?"

Kisame shook his head quickly, not wanting to be on the receiving side of Naruto's wrath.

"Good"

----

Today was another boring day at the office for Tsunade. All she ever did was paper work and hand out missions. She would be brought out of her lapse with the sounds of confrontation coming from outside the door. As quickly as it started it ended with a large thump coming from the side of the building. She quickly prepared to defend herself as she waited for the attackers to come. It was then, that the door flew at her, it being kicked off its hinges. She knocked it away from her and sent it through the window behind her. As she turned towards the door, she saw three people walk in followed by a fox.

"Who are you? What do you want?"

No answers came to her, so she did what she normally did. She got physical. Jumping over her desk, she rushed to the one she assumed was the leader and slugged him with all her strength. All she accomplished was to knock off his hat.

"Well that's a new way to greet someone after nine years isn't it, eh baa-Chan?" the man said with a smirk under his mask.

Tsunade just stared at the man. Her punch did nothing, not even getting a flinch out of the man. It was then she noticed something about him. He had blonde hair and eyes a shade of blue that she knew only two people in the world had. One of them being dead for over twenty years.

"Naruto?"

"The one and only," the man said as he pulled down his mask and grinned.

"My god, you've changed," Tsunade said, realizing that she had to tilt her head back to look him in the face.

"I think it's time for pleasantries to end," Naruto said as he replaced his grin with his serious look, "You are going to explain to me why my apartment is gone and replaced with a fucking candy store."

"Huh?"

"You heard me, I want explanations, now."

Tsunade looked at the man for a moment, never having seen a serious side of him before.

"You'll get it after you introduce your friends.

Naruto nodded and turned to his friends.

"The big one is Hoshigake Kisame, the small one is Uchiha Itachi," the two removed their hats and cloaks while Naruto gestured to fox, "and that is Kyuubi."

The three bowed as Tsunade just stood there stupefied. She had not one but two S-Class criminals in her presence along with the greatest known demon in existence.

"Now are you going to tell me what happened to my apartment?"

Tsunade looked back to Naruto, trying to think of an excuse. Naruto didn't need to know that the store owner bribed her into letting him purchase the property. Thinking quickly she came up with something.

"The council did it."

"What?! How could you let those old bastards give away my home?"

"I tried to stop them but they overruled me. I had to let it pass."

Naruto didn't hear her; he was currently plotting how to get back at the bastards. Itachi on the other hand noticed something was amiss. He could see the uneasiness in the woman.

'There's some wrong with this situation. The council doesn't have any say in civilian matters, besides my pocky sense is tingling.'

Scanning the room he noticed something peculiar about the one wall. Activating his sharingan discreetly, he looked closer at the wall. What he realized was that it was a false wall, hidden with a simple genjutsu that most would overlook. He inched closer to it, trying to not alert Tsunade to what he was doing.

Tsunade was impressed with her ability to lie, but she couldn't believe that Naruto bought it. While she was watching Naruto grumble away she noticed movement from the corner of her eye. She turned to see Itachi inching towards the wall that had her stash.

"What do you think you're doing?" she asked the man.

Itachi looked at her and knew that he was busted, but he wasn't going to stop now. Stepping forward, he pressed his palm against the wall and forced some chakra into it. Instantly the genjutsu was dispelled, revealing a door. Opening it quickly, he saw several large cases.

Naruto noticed the look of distress on Tsunade and the pure glee of Itachi. Cautiously, he walked over to Itachi and saw what he was staring at. Before him stood cases of what Naruto assumed was Pocky, if the name of the company on the boxes was any indication.

"Yuka…hey Kisame isn't that the name of place where my apartment used to be?"

Kisame nodded. It then dawned on Naruto, before him were cases of Pocky, hidden in a genjutsu. The pieces seemed to fall in place.

"You didn't…" he looked at the older woman who wouldn't meet his gaze, "You did…"

"I'm sorry Naruto, but the deal was too sweet to pass up."

"I'd have to agree with her Naruto," Itachi said as he happily munched on a stick of pilfered Pocky, "I mean this is quad chocolate Pocky. The company who makes this stuff only makes so many units per year. I mean I never thought I would see it much less have a chance to eat some."

Tsunade nodded in agreement with Itachi till she realized that he was eating away her stash.

"Hey, quit eating that!" She screeched as he attempted to pull the box away from Itachi, who refused to give it up.

Naruto watched the two struggle for a minute before pulling them apart.

"Okay, now that I know my apartment, which you told me still existed, was worth a few cases of sweets, I have no place to stay now," he pointed at Tsunade, "How are you going to rectify this?"

Tsunade looked at the boy for a moment before speaking, "Naruto, you knew that I sent for you, but do you know the reason?"

Naruto simply shook his head.

"Well it's about your parents."

"What about them?"

"Do you know who they were? Do you know who your father or mother was?"

"Kisame"

Kisame nodded to his younger friend. Reaching into his cloak he pulled out a marker and stepped over to the picture of the Yondaime. Drawing whiskers onto his face, the man turned into a spitting image of Naruto. Tsunade just stood there staring at what Kisame has done.

"Come on Baa-Chan, even I'm not that stupid. I mean it was obvious."

"How?"

"You think the 4th Hokage would sacrifice someone else's child? He wouldn't do that to some family. Also Jiraiya kind of let it slip."

"He what?! I'm going to skin him alive, next time I see him. Wait a minute, when did you see Jiraiya?" she asked.

"He met up with us a few times, ended up travelling with us for about a year. Learned a lot of new things, especially seals, that's the reason why fuzz butt over there is out and about."

The fox just snarled at the comment, but decided against attacking him.

"So, I know who my dad was. So do I get to use his house or something? I mean it's the least you could do."

"I sorry Naruto, but Minato didn't leave a house behind. He was the only other member of the Namikaze clan besides you. He didn't bother set up a clan housing district."

Naruto just sighed as he heard this. 'If it isn't one kick in the balls, it's another. Story of my life.'

"But, he did leave behind a large plot of land outside the village to be used in any way you see fit."

Naruto perked up when he heard this. 'Well at least my old man did something right.'

Tsunade glanced at the clock on the wall noting the time. Reaching into her desk she pulled out a scroll and tossed it to Naruto.

"Inside is the deed and directions how to get there. I don't mean to be blowing you off, but I have an important meeting I need to get to. We'll talk more tomorrow, so be here at 5pm."

Naruto nodded and turned to leave with Kisame and Kyuubi following him. Itachi was still filling the pocket of his cloak with Pocky before he followed the others. Tsunade watched them leave before reaching into desk. Pulling out a box she began to munch.

----

Today was not a good day for one Hyuuga Hanabi. It started out nice, but changed for the worse when she got out of her morning shower. When she went to get her clothes from her closet, she found all but one thing gone. The only thing left was the gift she was given by Anko on her sixteenth birthday. Which was an outfit similar to what she wore. With nothing else to wear, she had to put it on.

'Christ if I knew Hinata would resort to this; I wouldn't have 'borrowed' her personal massager(1)' and that picture of the boy who defeated Neji at the Chuunin exams.'

'Now I'm running late for the meeting, can this day get any worse?'

It indeed could, for Hanabi tripped on a piece of roofing tile, causing her to fall towards the ground.

"SHIT!"

----

Naruto was walking ahead of others. He since replaced his mask and hat and was now reading through the scroll, according to it, his father owned almost fifty acres of land in the forest.

"Hey Kisame"

"Yeah?"

"We got fifty acres to play around with. Guess we're going to have to build our own house?"

"Our?" Itachi asked.

"Well, I figured you guys would be staying with me. I mean you guys are the closest things I have to brothers."

Kisame and Itachi smiled and nodded. Naruto kept walking when he heard a voice.

"SHIT!"

"One of you guys say something?" Naruto asked before the world went black.

----

Hanabi was expecting pain. At least a broken limb, but she didn't feel any. Looking around she saw that she was indeed on the ground. Next to her stood two men wearing cloaks and straw hats, next to them sat a fox that appeared to be grinning. It was then she sensed movements from under her.

"Ant 'eath!"

Hanabi looked down and realized what had broken her fall. She also realized that she was literally sitting on the man's face. She began to blush furiously and quickly got off him and began to apologize.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to land on top of you!"

Naruto just laid there, trying to regain his breath. After a moment he got up and looked at the girl. She looked familiar but couldn't quite place her. He then noticed her eyes; they were just like Hinata's. 'Must be a relative' he thought to himself.

"No harm done," he said dusting himself off and flashing the girl a smile she couldn't see. Looking down he saw that his hat was ruined, it being crushed in the fall and began to frown

Hanabi nodded as she met his gaze. Instantly she was entranced by his eyes. They were such a beautiful blue. 'My god they're gorgeous' she thought to herself. She glanced at her watch and realized the time.

"Shit I'm late! I'm sorry for falling on you but I've got to go."

Naruto nodded to her as she turned to jump back to the rooftops.

'What a strange girl' Naruto thought as he watched her jump from roof to roof.

"Well boys, I think it's time we go get ourselves a drink or dozen."

----

The meeting hall was filled with kunoichi from all the ninja villages. There were even a few female civilians from the village as well. All were busy making small talk with each other. It was when a sweating Hanabi burst through the doors that the place grew silent. All eyes were on her.

'Looks like I made it in time' Hanabi thought to herself as she looked in the room. She spied her sister in the front of the room snickering at her appearance. Next to her were Ino, Sakura, Ten-ten, and Temari. Quietly she walked up to them and took a seat next to Temari. She was about to say something but was interrupted when someone tapped on her shoulder. Turning she saw Anko and Kurenai grinning.

"I see you finally went with my idea. Soon all the boys will be throwing themselves at you," Anko said with giggle.

Hanabi just sighed and slumped into her seat a bit farther. 'Hinata is so going to pay.'

The sound of someone walking up to the podium interrupted her thoughts. In front of stood Tsunade, she waited for the room to quiet down before speaking.

"Ok people. It's time for the meeting of the S.K.A.(2) to begin."

Hanabi tried to listen to the meeting but her thoughts kept drifting back to the man she met earlier. He felt familiar but she couldn't place him. The thought of what he would have looked like without mask on soon came to a head. 'If his eyes were any indication, he must be gorgeous.'

----

Naruto led the guys to a bar in a secluded section of town. The place looked a bit run down, but he heard good things about the place from Jiraiya. It was a place where most of the patrons were villagers, so there was little chance of being discovered. Entering quietly as possible, the four walked to the back of the joint and sat around a small table. They say for a few minutes before Naruto realized the place had no table service. With a sigh Naruto stood up and headed to the bar.

"Can I get four bottles of sake with a bottle of your strongest liquor? I'm also going to need four saucers along with two shot glasses please."

The bartender nodded to Naruto before turning to gather what he asked. Placing them on a tray with a bowl of sugar cubes a pitcher of ice water and a slotted spoon, he looked at Naruto.

"I got to warn you kid," The man said as he gestured to the bottle of green liquid, "This stuff is strong; my advice to you is to cut it with water that you pour over the cubes, hence the special spoon. It will be two hundred ryo by the way."

Naruto nodded to the man and reached into his cloak to grab his beloved frog wallet, only to be stopped when someone placed a hand on his shoulder. Turning he found himself staring at a masked man with silver hair. His visible eye formed an upside down U, signaling that the man was grinning under his mask.

"It's been a long time Naruto," Kakashi said as paid for Naruto's drinks.

Naruto stared at the man in disbelief. "How did you know it was me?"

"Well I can't see your face with the mask, but you can't hide this." He reached up and ruffled Naruto's hair, "Christ, how'd you get so damn big?"

"Finally took your advice and started eating right. Guess my body made up for lost time."

Kakashi nodded, "I take it your back for good now?"

"Yeah, damn Baa-Chan let them tear down my apartment, so I'm out of a home." He said with a frown. "But at least she gave me the land my old man left for me. Going to build a house with my friends."

Kakashi nodded once again. He figured out who Naruto's father was about a year after he left. With Naruto gone, he didn't get a chance to apologize to him, something he planned to make up for.

"Speaking of my friends, they're waiting for me to bring the drinks. Care to join us?"

"Sure"

Naruto grinned as he reached for the tray, oblivious to the white blur that was barreling towards him. He didn't see it till it was too late. With a sound that caused the bottles behind the bar to rattle. Naruto was knocked back while throwing the tray in the air. Luckily Kakashi was fast enough to save it. Leaving Naruto to deal with the large dog that was currently licking his face.

"What the hell, Akamaru?" Naruto said as he tried to lift the massive animal off him.

"Well shit, look who Akamaru found guys." A voice said from the entrance of the bar.

Turning his head to the side, he could see Kiba grinning at him, before taking a step forward. He was followed by the rest of the male members of the rookie nine with Asuma and Neji.

"Is that you Naruto?" Neji asked, rubbing his eyes in disbelief.

Kiba smacked him upside the head and pointed to the man currently pinned under his dog. "Of course it's him, Akamaru smelled him when he got close to this place."

Soon the two were having a small argument. Ignoring Naruto's pleas for help. Luckily it was Shikimaru who helped Naruto get the dog off him.

"You know Naruto, even after you're gone for nine years, your still a pain in my ass."

Naruto glared at him for a moment before grinning. "I try"

"So Naruto, what brings you around these parts?" Chouji asked while eating a handful of nuts from the bar.

"Baa-Chan sent for me. But enough of that, I came here to have a drink with my friends. So you guys might as well join us."

Naruto glanced at the tray Kakashi was holding then back to the rest of his friends. 'Going to need more drinks' he thought to himself. Kakashi saw what Naruto was doing and understood. Signaling to the bartended he ordered another tray's worth of drinks and more glasses. With that done he turned to Naruto.

"Shall we?"

Naruto nodded and took one of the trays and headed to where his other friends were sitting with the others following behind him. When he got to the table, he noticed that Asuma and Kakashi were missing. Turning he saw them staring at Itachi and Kisame along with a fox. It was Asuma who spoke.

"What are you two doing here?!"

Kisame looked at the man and grinned.

"I believe we were trying to get drunk."

Naruto didn't know what happened between these four, but he wasn't going to let his evening get ruined. Placing the tray on the table, he turned and placed a hand on Asuma's shoulder.

"Guys, relax, these are my friends that I mentioned."

Kakashi leaned over to Naruto and whispered into his ear.

"You do realize those are two missing-nin, who I might add tried to capture you."

Naruto looked at him and shrugged before taking a seat next to Kyuubi. He watched the two jounin stand there, before he started pouring drinks. After pouring one for each of them, he poured two extra and handed them to Kisame. Who looked at them before glancing at Naruto. Realizing what they were for the large man stood up, picked them up, and walked over to Asuma and Kakashi. Shoving them into their hands, he said one thing.

"Drink"

Instantly the tense atmosphere was broken. Kakashi and Asuma looked at what they were holding, then to the shark-like man. He just flashed them a smile. Seeing that there wasn't going to be a fight anytime soon, they grabbed a chair and sat down next to them. The others soon followed suit. Kakashi lifted his mask to allow him to sip his drink and turned to Naruto.

"Naruto, I've been meaning to ask you this. I say you make it look good, but what's the deal with the mask?"

"Well, it hides my face. Without it, my life gets more troublesome, as Shikimaru would put it."

"How so?"

Naruto pulled it down, revealing his face. Instantly he could feel many sets of eyes upon him. All of them female, while he wanted to put it back. He couldn't drink with it on.

Kakashi noticed all the women in the bar were staring at Naruto's face. Some were even beginning to drool.

"I see. It is indeed a curse the two of us have to bear." The older man said with a smile.

Naruto chuckled as he took a sip of his sake, doing his damndest to ignore the looks. Soon everyone was on their way to total inebriation. Somehow the conversation turned into one about each other's experiences for the past nine years.

"So Naruto, what the hell have you been up to?" Kiba asked.

"You know the usual, train, beat, bad guys, and rescue women in need."

Kakashi started to grin, "Rescue women you say? I'm sure they were very **appreciative** of your efforts Naruto. Please give details."

Naruto took on a look of horror. 'God, why did I mention women? I hope those two can keep their mouths shut.' Naruto thought. Unluckily for him Kisame began to speak.

"You could say that, Kakashi."

"But it seems kit is a bit green when it comes to women. Even though he still acts perverted at times," Kyuubi said as he took a sip from a saucer, ignoring the stares that were being focused on him.

"Did that fox just talk?" Chouji asked.

"Talk? The frigging thing just took a saucer and drank from it!" Kiba exclaimed.

"How did he hold the saucer?" Shino asked, the only words he spoke so far this evening.

Kyuubi laughed before raising a paw. With all attention on him, he showed that he could move one of his toes into a makeshift thumb.

"Quit showing off, ya damn lush of a fox," Naruto said to Kyuubi before turning back to his friends. "So what about you guys? Any of you finally get girlfriends?"

All of them nodded with perverted grins.

"So who's the lucky kunoichi?"

"None of them," Asuma stated as he poured himself another drink.

"Huh?"

"Female ninja are more troublesome than they're worth. Ask Asuma," Shikimaru said as he lit up a cigarette.

"What's he mean Asuma?"

"Kurenai wanted me to quit smoking. Of course I wasn't going to stop, so she ended up placing me in a genjutsu. Let me say this, it wasn't pretty. Needless to say kunoichi aren't worth it. Too damn bossy."

With that said, the rookie nine said an "Amen."

"I feel ya," Naruto said as he reached for the hard liquor, "I think it's time to kick it up a notch."

----

"Ok, the last thing said before this meeting of the S.K.A. is concluded is this. Jiraiya has been caught peeping at a village a day away from here. Because of this, the H.S.P.A.(3) has been raised to red. I advise staying away from the hot springs, if you must go, be wary."

Tsunade stepped down from the podium, signaling the end of the meeting. Hanabi missed most of it, lost in her thoughts she was. She wanted to meet that man again. Wanted to see what was under the mask. She realized halfway through the meeting, that her bloodline would be able to penetrate it without him being none the wiser. She was pulled from her thoughts when her sister and her friends got up and headed towards the door. Following behind them, she could hear them talk about one of the main problems affecting the group.

"God isn't there any decent men left in this village?!" Ino exclaimed.

"There used to be many willing men, till a certain woman tortured a certain man," Ten-ten said as she glared at Kurenai.

"Hey, I didn't think it would go this far" Kurenai said in an attempt to defend her actions.

"Too far?! None of them will give us the time of day now!"

"Well at least you don't have to worry about a crazy brother," Temari said.

"Shit, you guys are fucking lucky you have decent guys to look at. All we have is that dick Kabuto," a voice said from behind them.

Turning they saw an angry looking red head.

"Tayuya, you're just mad at him because he saved you. You can't say he doesn't make a decent kage," a black haired girl said from behind her.

"He's still a dick."

Kin sighed and shook her head. Not noticing Tsunade walking up to them.

"I think you girls are going to be in for a surprise then. My sources said a very handsome individual has returned to the village," Tsunade said as she walked past.

The Konoha Kunoichi looked at each other, trying to figure out what she meant.

----

A cold feeling ran up Naruto's spine, causing him to shudder. 'That can't be a good sign' he thought.

"Anyone else see the pretty green fairy?" Neji asked as he tried to grasp something the others couldn't see.

'Not a good sign at all.'

----

(1) If you don't know what this is, ask your parents.

(2) Single Kunoichi Association

(3) Hot Spring Pervert Alert

A/N: Well another chapter up. A nice long one. I think I'm going to keep the rest around this length, gives me plenty to work with. The next chapter will get into a bit of Naruto's past and begin the hell his life will become. As always read and review. Another question for you guys. What's the liquor that Naruto ordered? There are two clues.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer/Legend: See first chapter

----

Naruto woke with a blinding headache. The light that filtered through the tree seemed a thousand times brighter than what it really was. Even the sounds of the stream they set camp near seemed louder than it needed to be. Closing his eyes, Naruto sat up and raised his hands to his temples and did the only medical jutsu he bothered to learn. Soon the headache was reduced to a manageable throb, letting Naruto take in the sights. Looking around the camp, he could see Kisame sleeping across from him. Itachi and Kyuubi were nowhere to be found. Then he heard snoring.

Looking down, he saw Kyuubi draped across his legs sleeping. Reaching down, Naruto scratched behind his ears, receiving a purr for his effort.

"You know you say you're one of the most evil creatures in existence, but you're just a softy," Naruto said as he continued to scratch the fox's ear.

"I see you're up."

Naruto looked up to see Kisame rolling up his bedroll.

"Yeah, I have a few hours before I have to see the Hokage. So we might as well get started on clearing a lot to build on," Naruto said as he got up carefully, so Kyuubi wouldn't wake.

Walking over to his pack, he changed into something more suitable for work. Deciding on a loose pair of black khakis and a sleeveless shirt, he decided to forgo the mask seeing that no one would be seeing his face. Without sleeves one could see the many seals that he placed on his arms. Biting his thumb, Naruto drew it over a seal that wrapped across his wrist. In a poof of smoke, Zabuza's zanbato was in his hand. Looking at the surrounding forest, Naruto knew he had his work ahead of him. This part of the forest was dominated by pine trees that stood almost perfectly straight. This gave him an idea for what kind of house he wanted to build.

"You ready?" Kisame asked with a grin. Pulling his sword back for a mighty swing.

----

**"CRASH!"**

Kyuubi woke with a jump when the first tree fell. Looking around he could see Kisame and Naruto felling trees. 'Well there goes getting anymore sleep in' the fox thought bitterly. As the fox woke up, its stomach grumbled lightly. 'Might as well hunt since I'm up.'

Kyuubi slunk out of camp and worked on getting far away from it as possible. No helpless creature would stay near anything that made that much noise in the woods. Soon the fox crossed a heavily used path. Happy that he could no longer hear the camp he began to hunt.

It didn't take him long to find a small animal near the edge of a clearing. As he sneaked in, he noticed that some activity in the clearing. As he got closer, he saw a man in green training.

"He looks familiar, but look at that delectable squirrel, mmm" Kyuubi said as he licked his chops.

In a burst of speed he was upon the squirrel.

**"SQUEAK!"**

**"Squirrely!"**

Kyuubi turned and saw the man bearing down on him with intent to kill.

"Shit," he muttered as he turned and ran towards the safety Naruto would provide, squirrel squeaking every step of the way.

----

Naruto didn't think it was possible for him to get tired anymore, but here he was. While cutting down trees wasn't hard, convincing Kisame to cut at an angle was. He finally smacked some sense into the man after dodging the twelfth tree that nearly crushed him.

"I think that's enough," Naruto said as he looked at the clearing. They cleared about two acres of densely packed forest, but they had more than enough to build.

"I say we take a small break before we work on clearing a path to the road," Kisame mentioned as rubbed one of his newly acquired bruises.

"I'll agree with you on tha…" Naruto stopped talking as the sounds of trees falling reached the clearing. They were falling fast and each one was closer than the last.

Both prepared for a fight when they saw Kyuubi run to them while carrying something in his mouth. Then they heard the shout.

**"Drop that squirrel you unyouthful beast!"**

'Lee' Naruto thought before he looked at Kyuubi.

"You had to try and eat that squirrel didn't you?!"

----

Lee was pissed for the first time in his life. He had been training while his squirrel was off foraging. Next thing he knew a fox grabbed his friend and ran away. Leading him on one of the hardest chases of his life, he managed to catch up with it several times, but it decided to head directly for the forbidden side of the forest. It was there that he needed to release the first gate just to clear a path for himself.

"Drop that squirrel you unyouthful beast!" shouted Lee as he saw a clearing ahead.

As he entered it, he heard something whistling through the air. Instinctively he ducked.

"What's up Lee?"

----

Naruto knew that Lee would be here any moment, and if he didn't stop him he try to kill Kyuubi. Pulling his arm back, he threw his sword towards where he thought Lee would be entering. He wasn't wrong.

"What's up Lee?" he said as he walked over to retrieve his sword.

Lee was still on the ground when Naruto finally managed to pull the quivering blade out of the tree. Looking down he spoke.

"You can get up now Lee."

"Naruto?"

"The one and only."

"Naruto!"

Instantly Naruto was pulled into a hug.

"Lee, I can't breathe…"

Seeing his friend's predicament, Lee let go, dropping his friend to the ground.

"When did you get back?" the man asked.

"Yesterday," Naruto said as he tried to regain his breath. "What were you doing?"

"Well I was training by myself, when a vile beast grabbed my friend. You didn't see a fox come through here did you?"

Naruto sighed and nodded his head. Slowly he walked over to where Kyuubi was hiding. Grabbing the fox by the scruff his neck, he lifted it till it was eye level with him. Holding out his hand, he said one thing.

"Give"

Immediately Kyuubi spat out the stunned animal into Naruto's hand. Wincing in disgust, due to thing being covered in saliva, he handed the squirrel to Lee. Immediately it ran up to his shoulder and began to chatter obscenities at Kyuubi.

Seeing that his friend was ok, Lee began to start a conversation with Naruto. Not paying an ounce of attention to the man who was staring at his forehead.

----

Kisame was mesmerized by Lee. Not by his fashion sense, nor his grace. Not even for his 'youthful' ways. He was mesmerized by his eyebrows. 'Those can't be real' he thought as he watched them. They seemed to have a mind of their own as they undulated with each word the man spoke. Eventually curiosity got the better of him as he reached forward to touch them. His index finger just brushed against one when he felt a sharp pain in it. Pulling it back, he looked at it. The skin at the very tip seemed to have been bitten. Looking from his finger back to the eyebrow, he swore he heard a quiet hiss.

----

Naruto caught the movement Kisame made and turned to him. He saw the man glancing between his finger and Lee's eyebrows several times. 'Forgot to mention they bite' Naruto thought with a small chuckle. Then he realized that he forgot to introduce Kisame. Pointing to Lee he spoke.

"Kisame this is Lee, Lee this is Kisame."

"Pleasure to meet you Kisame-san," Lee said as he held out his hand.

"Likewise kid," said Kisame as he shook his hand.

With the pleasantries out of the way Lee turned to Naruto.

"May I ask you a question Naruto?"

"You just did."

"Why are you out here in the forbidden section of the forest?"

"Forbidden? Baa-Chan told me this was my father's land and gave it to me."

Lee nodded in understanding.

"I planned to build my home out here. Hence why Kisame and I were logging."

Lee nodded once again before his eyes burned with a flame.

"That is the most youthful thing I have ever heard! For a man to build his own home is sign of his youth. I must assist you!"

"Well Lee, we were getting ready to clear a path to the road from here."

"I don't think we need to do that now Naruto," Kisame said as he pointed in the direction Lee came from.

Naruto looked and saw a straight path leading from the clearing to the road. Results of Lee barreling his way through, literally knocking every tree out of the way.

"Jesus Lee, you just saved me a hell of a lot of work. I should thank you."

Lee grinned sheepishly, "Is there anything else I can help you with?"

Naruto looked at Lee, then towards the trees that were down.

"I think I have something."

Naruto formed a thought, and soon pops could be heard around them. He was surrounded by fifty clones.

"Ok, I want you guys to get to work on stripping these logs. Lee you can help me pile them."

Lee nodded while the clones saluted and turned to work. Singing as they began.

"Hi ho, hi ho, off to work we…"

"Shut the hell up!" Naruto bellowed.

The clones all shut up but Naruto could hear one say "Dick". Pointing a finger at that one, it dismissed in a puff of smoke.

"Anyone else got something to say?!"

The remainder of clones shook their heads.

"Good"

Naruto liked to use his clones, but he started to realize that they began to form their own personalities, leading to insubordination from some. Sighing, he went back to work.

----

Deep in the recesses of Naruto's mind…

Two Narutos were sitting in a room. One sat against the wall sleeping while the other was doing pushups. Soon they were joined by another.

"What are you in for?" asked the one doing the pushups.

"Called the boss a dick, you?"

"Let's just say it involved Tabasco sauce and private areas. The other guy hid the boss' clothes and told a pack of fan girls where he was bathing."

"Ouch"

----

Back in the real world…

Naruto looked at the piles of logs. There was enough there to build a huge house and still have some left. Smiling to himself, he dismissed the rest of his clones.

"I think it's time for me to head back and train Naruto. If you need my assistance, you know where to find me," Lee said giving him a thumbs up, that even his squirrel mimicked.

"Thanks Lee. I'll keep that in mind."

"Naruto, Kyuu and I are going out to do some fishing. We'll be back at the camp by sundown," Kisame spoke as he walked towards the stream, Kyuubi in tow.

Seeing that he was alone, Naruto decided he needed to hit the village. He was getting hungry and still needed to buy the things he would need to insure his home had all the necessary modern necessities.

It didn't take him long to reach the village. Along the way he caught a whiff of himself, and it wasn't nice. Deciding to take a bath first, he put his mask on and headed into the village in search of a hot spring.

----

"Come on forehead, we got to get to the hot spring!" Ino said as she dragged her friend behind her.

"Easy piggy, it's still early," Sakura said as she tried to break Ino's grip, "You also heard about the alert. Jiraiya could be about."

"Why do you think I wanted to get here early? Do you think the pervert would be stupid enough to peep during the day?"

"Well that makes sense…"

"Where here!" Ino shouted as she ran into the building, dragging Sakura behind her.

----

It took awhile to find the closest hot spring, but he couldn't be happier. It had been a few days since his last bath, and even longer than for one done with hot water. The prospect of a hot soak added a spring to his step as he entered the building. At the admission desk stood a young woman, who at the moment was staring at Naruto. Well his chest and his bare arms. Naruto smirked as he watched her stare so blatantly, but it had to end sometime. Raising a fist to his mouth, he cleared his throat.

Instantly the woman was brought out of her musings.

"Can I help you sir?"

"Do you offer a laundry service?"

"We do for a small fee."

"How long would it take?" Naruto asked.

"It would take about thirty minutes."

"Cool, how much though?"

"A twenty ryo fee would added to your bill. Is this ok?"

"Sounds good, it gives me enough time for a soak."

"Just leave your clothes in the basket provided and I'll take them to be cleaned.

Naruto nodded to the woman and headed to the men's changing room. Quickly undressing and wrapping a towel around him. He headed out to the bathing area to clean himself before he would soak.

----

"This feels great," Sakura said with a sigh as she laid back against a rock in the water.

"You got that right, sister," Ino replied as she sat next to Sakura.

"We need to do this more often."

"Yeah," she was about to say something else but the sound of water interrupted her. It came from the other side of the wall that separated the spring.

"There's someone over there," Sakura said as she gestured to the other side, "Wonder who it is?"

"Only one way to find out," Ino said cheekily as she made her way towards the fence that separated the bath.

"What are you doing?" Sakura hissed at her friend.

"What's it look like?" Ino said as she forced chakra into a finger to bore a hole into the fence to look through.

Sakura looked at her friend with disgust till she heard her say "Wow".

"What is it?"

"You have got to see this guy. I think I'm in love."

"What?"

"Get over here girl and make a hole, you have to see this."

Sakura couldn't believe her friend, but did what she was told. Making a small hole next to Ino's she peered through. Instantly she felt her face heat up.

In the bath next to theirs, was a man wearing nothing but a towel and a face mask. His blonde hair was sagging with water that he attempted to shake out. As he neared the water he dropped his towel and threw it over his shoulder, revealing the tattoos that seemed to cover his body among other things.

Ino and Sakura were speechless. They had seen many examples of the male anatomy due to their work at the hospital, but that seemed like nothing now. Oblivious to the warm fluid running down their faces they continued to stare.

----

Naruto grinned as he saw the water. After throwing his towel over his shoulder he entered. Relishing the feeling of the water on his sore muscles, he slowly moved to the edge and settled down. 'God, it's been so long since I've been to a hot spring. Last time it was with Kisame and Jiraiya in Mist village, even then I didn't get a chance to soak.'

----

A few months prior…

"You guys ready?" Kisame asked.

Jiraiya and Naruto nodded. They henged into different forms of himself. Naruto simply hid his whiskers. While Jiraiya changed his hair color and hid his markings. Kisame changed his appearance to look like an average villager. With grins plastered on their faces, they headed to the hot springs.

It didn't take them long to find it and a good peeping spot. Grinning like the fools they are, they watched through the holes they made. Kisame and Naruto giggling perversely while Jiraiya was taking notes.

In Konoha…

Kakashi was bored. He just finished the latest copy of Jiraiya's book and was craving more. 'Wonder when Jiraiya will have the next volume out?'

Back with our heroes?...

Jiraiya was almost finished with a scroll of notes when he sneezed suddenly. Startling Kisame and Naruto and alerting the women to their presence. 'Someone must be thinking of me' he thought as he looked back through the hole, only to find the women missing.

"Where did they go?" Kisame asked.

Then they felt the most killing intent they had ever felt in their lives, and it was heading right towards them. Soon the women were in sight and Kisame and Jiraiya began to remove their shoes, puzzling Naruto.

"What are you guys doing?"

"We run faster without shoes," Jiraiya answered.

"You guys can't hope to outrun a mob of angry women!"

"We don't need to outrun them, just you," Kisame said as he stood up.

"What?!" Naruto said only to realize they were long gone. Turning back to the mob, he said one thing, "Please not the face."

----

Back to the present…

Naruto shuddered at that memory. Only to be pulled from his thoughts when he heard giggles. 'I recognize that kind of giggle, it could mean only one thing…' he thought as he glanced at the fence. Spotting the two holes, he formed a fist and squirted water at them.

"Damn it!" two voices said from the other side of the fence, causing Naruto to chuckle as he covered himself and left the water.

----

Ino and Sakura rubbed their eyes in attempt to restore their vision. When they could finally see again, they looked through the holes to find the man gone.

"Well shit," Ino muttered.

"Damn it"

"Did you see his 'thing'?" Ino asked.

"See it?! How the hell could you miss it? He could've clubbed a seal with it."

With that said both girls were reflecting on the memory with blood flowing freely from their noses. It was then that both thought the same thing… 'I want'.

----

Naruto quickly dried as he entered the changing room. Finding his clothes folded neatly in a pile with a note. Picking up the note he read it.

_'Here are your clothes, they had been cleaned and pressed. There will be no charge.'_

'Well that was nice of her' Naruto thought as he picked up his clothes, only to find out why there was no charge. The woman kept his dirty boxers. 'That's just wrong. Those were my favorite pair' Naruto thought as he got dressed, grimacing at the idea of having to go commando.

Soon he left and was heading to his next stop. Finding the store, he entered to see a bored young man watching the counter. The man looked up at his new customer and smiled.

"Welcome to Hiroshi's Hardware and Building supplies. How can I help you?"

"I'm building a house and need everything on this list," Naruto said as handed the man a list of what he needed.

The man read the list, grinning more and more as he read. Then he turned to Naruto.

"You wrote down a power generator. Would you prefer a fuel or chakra based one?"

"Chakra please"

"Good choice sir. How soon do you need this stuff?"

"As soon as possible, how soon can you have it ready?"

"I could have it prepared by 5pm or have it delivered."

"I'll pick it up this afternoon, but it will be later than five, is that ok?" Naruto asked.

"Sure"

"Well, see you later."

"Later sir."

As Naruto walked out to hear the man yell.

"Get your lazy asses up you goddamn idiots! We got an order to fill for a newest favorite customer!"

----

It was almost time for Naruto meet with the Hokage. The day had been so far eventful, if you count dealing with a stuttering and blushing Ayame eventful. He took his time entering the building. When he came up to the office he saw the guard he knocked out the day before. Instantly the man tensed as he saw Naruto.

"It's okay; I have an appointment with the Hokage this time."

The man was visibly relieved when he heard this. Bowing to Naruto as he passed. Naruto entered the office only to see Tsunade passed out on the paperwork she was working on.

Silently he crept to her and leaned into her ear and yelled.

"Hey baa-Chan!"

Instantly she was awake and prepared to attack. Seeing that it was only Naruto she settled down.

"What can I do for you Naruto?"

"You tell me. You told me to be here."

Tsunade remember that she told Naruto to meet with her. Folding her hands on her desk, she looked at him.

"I want you to tell me what you have been up to these past nine years."

Nodding, he began the tale of his adventures. Working for Tazuna for a few months, training with Kisame and Itachi, he even got into the details of the freelance missions he completed, along with his exploits with Jiraiya. Much to Tsunade's displeasure.

"Ok, I want to know why Kyuubi is free from the seal."

"Why? It's not like he can do anything outside of decimating the squirrel population."

"Explain"

Naruto heaved a sigh and began the explanation of Kyuubi's freedom.

----

A few months prior once again…

Naruto was pissed. Those women kicked his ass six ways of Sunday and didn't even give him a chance. Then you got the fact those two assholes left him for dead. Someone's ass was going to be beat when he returned to the camp. It also didn't help that Kyuubi was laughing his ass off in his mind.

_**'**__**That had to be the funniest shit I've ever been witness to in my life!" Kyuubi said while laughing hysterically.**__**'**_

_'__Fuck you, fox.__'_

_**'**__**I mean how does someone who can take a Sannin down, get beat up by a bunch of women, civilians no less.**__**'**_

_'__I don't want to hear it fox__'_

_----_

Jiraiya and Kisame were exhausted. They had ran all the way back to their camp. Puzzling Itachi to why there were only two of them at camp.

"Where's Naruto?"

"We had to leave him behind…" Kisame didn't have a chance to finish before he was sent flying into a tree.

"You dicks! I had take your beatings because you left me behind."

"But…" Jiraiya stuttered out before being cut off by Naruto.

"Shut up! If getting beaten wasn't bad enough, I had to listen to the fucking fox the whole trip back. I've had it! It's time I got rid of the thing."

Instantly Jiraiya and the others became somber.

"You know we can't do that Naruto. We can try I mean, Kisame showed me his clan's scrolls, but the effects of gaining all that power could very well kill you."

"Fuck it anything would be better than listening to that freak day in and day out."

"Are you sure? I'm sure I can do it, but I need you to be serious about this. This isn't a joke."

"Just do it old man."

_---- _

It didn't take them long to prepare the sealing. Naruto was forced to lay naked in clearing as Jiraiya applied seals all over his body. Soon he was finished and looked down at Naruto.

"You know what to do kid? I can handle everything out here, but only you can finish the work inside."

Naruto nodded as he forced his way into his mindscape. Arriving in the dank sewer that was his mind, he got to work applying seals to the walls while the fox slept. After double checking every seal to make sure they were perfect he made his way over to the fox's cage.

___'Wake up you lazy bastard!'_

___**'What the hell are you doing here brat!?' **_

___'What it look like?' Naruto said as he reached for the seal, starting to remove it, 'I'm letting you out.'_

_Kyuubi couldn't believe his eyes. His jailor was freeing him. Soon he would be unleashed upon on the world yet again. Grinning as the last of the seal was removed. He felt his vision beginning to fade as he left Naruto's mind._

_----_

Everyone watched Naruto with bated breath. Nothing seemed to be happening for awhile and they thought that he messed up on the inside. Then a red chakra began to emanate from Naruto's stomach seal and covered him. All of them could feel the immense power that was being released and prepared for the worst. Naruto began to change into his feral form as the power increased but it seemed that he was in control. Then a blast of light came from the boy. Then they heard a voice.

"I'm free, finally free!"

Itachi was puzzled by the voice. It didn't sound the least bit demonic. It sounded like someone got into the helium. When the light cleared they could see Naruto was ok and that a small fox was cheering while standing on its hind legs doing a cheering motion.

"Kyuubi?"

The fox turned to look at the Uchiha.

"How dare you call me by my name mortal?" the foxed growled before it realized it was being lifted into the air. Turning, it met the blue eyes of Naruto.

"I don't think you're in any position to threaten anyone fuzz butt."

"Brat? How'd you get so big?"

"I didn't, you got smaller."

"What?!"

Kyuubi took notice of his surroundings. No longer did he tower over the land.

"How the hell?"

Naruto didn't bother answer the fox, just began grin evilly.

_----_

Back to the present…

"So that's the reason why Kyuubi is free."

"Interesting, so you absorbed the power of the nine tail fox. Did you gain anything besides its power?" Tsunade asked.

"Well, I gained some knowledge as well. Did you know you didn't have to announce jutsus when you performed them?"

"I did not, but it makes sense. Was there anything else?"

"I can perform many jutsus with less seals and some without seals at all. Also my seals on my body don't fade anymore. So now I look like I'm tattooed."

"How much do they cover?"

"Everything."

"Everything?" Tsunade asked with smirk.

Naruto blushed at her implications. 'Why is everyone I know perverted?'

"Not that!"

Tsunade nodded with a smirk. A moment later she returned to being serious.

"There is only one question left to ask. Something that will factor into your new placement in the ranks of the village's ninjas. How strong are you now?"

Naruto paused for a moment to figure a way to define his strength.

"I can easily surpass a Kage if I'm serious."

Tsunade couldn't believe what she heard, even though it had some merit to it.

"And you friends?"

"Sannin level in their specialized fields, special Jounin in everything else. Anything else you wish to know?"

"That is enough for now Naruto. I would like to meet with you again in a week to discuss placements and what you want to do now that you know who your parents are."

"Ok, Baa-Chan, I'll be leaving then. Later."

With that said, Naruto left the Hokage in her office to think. Something about Naruto seemed off.

"I wonder if he's stressed out?" she asked the empty room, not expecting an answer.

A voice from her window answered her, "He's not stressed, just frustrated."

"It's been awhile Jiraiya; now explain to me what's wrong with Naruto."

"Like I said, the boy's frustrated," Jiraiya said as he let himself in. "The boy needs to find a release, something that will solve this kind of frustration."

"And what kind of frustration would that be?"

Jiraiya said one word, "Sexual."

"You can't be serious! It has to be something more!"

"Tsunade let me tell you something. I've been around that boy much longer than you have. I have witnessed the changes that happened to him over the years. That boy has grown much stronger, but he has grown in other ways. I mean you've seen him without his mask on; he could get any woman he wanted. But even so, it saddens me to say this. The boy is scared of them. He may have taken after me and my perverse ways as his father did, but he freezes up when he's in the presence of someone willing. If this keeps going as it has been, he will suffer a mental breakdown. But I have a plan to fix this, and several others. Including the one the council will have when they find out about his heritage."

"A plan you say that will fix everything you say, give me the details."

Jiraiya leaned into her right ear and whispered what his plan would entail. First Tsunade eyes widened, and she began to smile. Jiraiya stepped back and waited for her answer. She responded by placing her hands into a steeple with a dark smile gracing her features.

"Jiraiya you are a genius."

_----_

Ten-ten sighed as she looked at the clock on the wall of her parent's shop. Today was a slow day for her. She only had once customer all day and it was just some kid looking for a few new kunais. Other than that the day seemed to drag on unbearably. She was thankful that she could close the shop in a few minutes. Seeing that she had about five minutes left, she began to straighten up the shop, only to have the bell ring on the door that signaled customers. Looking up she saw that Temari had come in, followed by Kin and Tayuya.

"What can I do for you guys?" Ten-ten asked.

"Keep us company, we're about ready to die from boredom," Temari said with a smile.

'Keep us company' was code speak for gossiping, one of Ten-tens few faults. She loved to gossip along with the rest of the girls present. They usually ended up talking about guys, or the lack of decent ones, which was the situation in the three villages.

"Give me a few minutes to close up the shop and we can talk while I go visit my cousin."

Instantly all the girls began to grin lecherously. Ten-ten's cousin Hiroshi had been off the market for a few years due to being married, but that wouldn't stop them from ogling him.

It didn't take Ten-ten long to finish closing up the shop. Soon the four girls were heading to her cousin's shop. When they arrived, she noticed all the workers were moving quickly, adding various things to an ever growing pile. Eventually she got close enough to ask where their boss was. Thanking the man, she walked into the back of the shop and returning with her cousin.

"What's with everyone here?" Tayuya asked as she watched a couple workers move a large concrete tank next to the pile.

Hiroshi began to grin widely, "We're trying to get everything for a customer."

"That's it? You guys don't move this fast when I need something," Ten-ten said with a huff.

"That's because your family, you also don't purchase much," Hiroshi said, further pissing off his little cousin.

"Who's your customer?" Temari and Kin asked.

"I don't know his name, but he seemed like a nice guy," Hiroshi said as the door opened, "Well speak of the devil, here he is."

"Is everything ready?" Naruto asked, oblivious to the girls who were staring at him as he spoke with Hiroshi.

"Yes sir"

"What do I owe you?" Naruto asked as he reached for his wallet.

"It comes to 30,000 ryo."

Nodding, Naruto pulled two 20,000 ryo notes from the toad's mouth and handed it to the man. "You can keep the change, think of it as a tip."

Hiroshi couldn't believe the guy, neither did the girls. Glancing at the money then back to Naruto he had to ask a question.

"How do you plan to take this with you? That septic tank alone has to weigh at least 400 kilos."

Naruto looked at the pile before he made a simple hand seal. In a puff of smoke everything that he ordered disappeared. Leaving everyone else in the shop stupefied.

"How did you do that?" Hiroshi asked, still not believing what he saw.

Naruto just gestured to his shoulder, showing a tattoo that didn't exist a few minutes prior.

"A storage seal?" Ten-ten asked.

Naruto nodded, raising his hand to show that he was leaving, he spoke.

"Ten-ten, Temari, until next time."

Both girls were speechless. That man knew their names, but they didn't know how. Before they could ask questions they were interrupted by Kin and Tayuya's ramblings.

"Did you see what that guy did? He sealed all that stuff in such a small seal!" Kin squealed.

"Screw that did you see his body? He was fucking ripped. Now that was a fucking man, unlike Hiroshi here."

"What the hell do you mean by that?!" Hiroshi yelled.

"Just what I said."

Hiroshi didn't respond, preferring to stand there and look pissed off. Leaving Temari and Ten-ten to think about one question, 'how did that man know us?"

----

One week later…

Naruto stood and looked at his home. Before him stood a house worthy of royalty, it was built in a style like a log cabin and rivaled the size of the Hyuuga's main house. Naruto made sure it had everything a man could ever need and more, even an onsen that resided in the back of it. It took less than a week to finish with the help of his friends and clones. The clones were the easy part but he had to bargain with his friends for the help. In the end he had to agree to let his home be the new hangout spot and to allow his friends to stay over whenever they wanted. Not that bad, but the idea of having to feed Chouji made him shudder.

All he had to do now was hire someone to landscape and to stock the kitchen. Something he would take care of after his meeting with Tsunade. Looking at the sun to judge the time, he noticed he had to be at the Hokage's tower soon. Giving his home one last glance, he turned and headed into the village.

_----_

At the home of the Hyuuga…

Hinata was once again in the middle of a daily ritual. She wasn't showering, nor was she training. She was getting some quality time taking care of her private areas (1) with her 'special friend' and a laminated picture of a certain boy. Soon her climax had arrived and she was enjoying the afterglow. As she laid there breathing heavily, her mind began to drift. She thought about Naruto and how he may have changed in these past nine years. She also thought about her sister.

Hanabi acted strange all week. Like her mind was constantly on something else. She even went as far as leaving Hinata alone. Showing that there was something seriously wrong, usually Hanabi was driving her nuts. Either with pranks or going so far as to 'borrow' two things that were very dear to Hinata, much to her displeasure. As Hinata laid there thinking, she heard a tapping at her window. Turning she saw a messenger pigeon, signifying that she had to go meet with the Hokage about a mission.

Quickly getting up and dressed she ran out into the hallway, running into Hanabi. Glancing down at her hand, Hinata could see a message that was identical to hers. 'If the Hokage needs two Hyuuga, this must be one serious mission.'

----

Tsunade sat at her desk and awaited the arrival of her favorite blonde ninja. Today was going to be the day that he received his birthright. She didn't have to wait long for him as he entered her office with his mask on.

"You wanted to see me Baa-Chan?"

"Yes, Naruto I have something to talk with you about and also something to give you."

"What did you wish to talk about?"

"It's about your placement. I can't give you an immediate placement without the consent of the council."

'Once again with the goddamn council. I swear god is out to get me' Naruto thought darkly.

"I will be holding a meeting with the council later this afternoon to explain your situation. Which brings us the next thing, now that you know of your heritage; you have the option of taking your father's surname and your clan's seat on the council if you choose to."

Naruto thought for a moment for speaking, "I haven't decided if I want to take my old man's name yet, but I would prefer the council not to know about me yet. If they knew I was the last of the Namikaze clan they would force me to practice polygamy or worse, they would make sleep with several girls in hopes of restoring the clan."

Tsunade laughed nervously before deciding to change the subject. Reaching into her desk, she pulled a scroll out along with a strange kunai. Holding them out to Naruto she spoke.

"Naruto this scroll here contains all of your clan's jutsus; one of them requires the use of this special kunai to perform. It was to be given to you when you learned of your heritage."

Naruto bowed solemnly as he took them. Looking at the kunai he noticed that it had three points. Opening the scroll he saw the directions for the proper use of the Hiraishin technique. Closing it, Naruto could feel the tears coming to his eyes.

"I'm happy to be the one who gave you your birthright, but I'm a busy woman Naruto. I have another meeting coming up and need to prepare. I will send a message when I need you."

Naruto nodded and placed the kunai and scroll into his pocket before taking his leave.

----

Hinata was on her way to the Hokage's office. Passing a large man in the hallway, not stopping to look at him, she hurried. Once there, she realized she wasn't alone in the office. There besides the Hokage were all her friends, were her sister, Kiba's sister Hana, and the three foreign ninjas Kin, Tayuya, and Temari. Standing next to her sister, she waited for the Tsunade to speak.

"You are all probably wondering why all have you been called to this meeting today. This meeting today concerns a mission."

"Then why are we here Tsunade-sama?" Kin asked.

"This mission has been decided to be a joint mission with Oto and Suna. I've sent messages to your respective Kages about the details of it and they agree with my choice."

Kin nodded and gestured for her to continue.

"This mission has been given a double S class rating and the pay will be as such."

"What's the mission entail sensei? It must be dangerous to require all of us," Sakura asked.

"I will give the details of the mission after you all have chosen to accept it. Do you all accept to carry on this mission?" Tsunade asked with a gleam in her eye.

All of the girls nodded. Deciding to mess with their heads for a moment, Tsunade spoke.

"As you all must or must not know, Naruto Uzamaki has returned to the village," Tsunade paused to let the information sink in.

'Naruto's back?' was the thoughts of all the Leaf kunoichi.

"When?" Sakura has asked.

"He has been back for over a week."

"But none of us have seen him?!"

Tsunade began to smirk, "You probably have seen him and didn't realize it. I will help you girls out by giving a description. He is a lot taller than before he left, he is covered in seals, he still has his blue eyes and blond hair, and has taken to wearing a mask like Kakashi's."

The room became silent, as the girls realized who they were seeing without realizing it. Ino, Sakura, and Hanabi were blushing profusely. While Kin, Tayuya, Temari, and Ten-ten seemed to be lost in thought. Hinata and Hana just stood there looking clueless. Finally Hana decided to speak up.

"Ma'am, what does this have to do with the mission?"

Tsunade began to grin…

"Your mission," pausing to add effect, "is to sleep with one Naruto Uzamaki."

----

(1) Mountainwind was right; this term is fun as hell to use.

A/N:

Well another chapter out for you guys. I hope people will be happy with this chapter. Now to get on to explanations about why Kin and Tayuya are present in this story. In this universe Kabuto isn't evil. While he was loyal to Orochimaru, he didn't like to see people suffer. He had saved Kin and Tayuya during the war and when Sasuke left Konoha. When Orochimaru was killed by Sasuke, he took over leadership of the sound village, instead of absorbing him like in canon. Now he is trying to improve the ties with other villages after Orochimaru's betrayal. Kin and Tayuya were present in Konoha, for the meeting of the S.K.A. and are now participating in the mission, because Kabuto sees this as a chance to improve his village's ties with the Leaf. Temari is present because I just like her. Who doesn't love a strong woman who could beat your ass without breaking a sweat? Now that is done, please read and review. As always, until later folks.

P.S. Absinthe is a nice drink. You can get your hands on it from a company called Lucid. I bought my bottle when I went to N.Y.C. yesterday. One word of warning, it tastes like licorice and I advise you follow the directions on serving it.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer/Legend: See first chapter.

----

"Your mission…is to sleep with one Naruto Uzamaki."

**THUMP!**

All of the women in the room just stared at the unconscious form of Hinata. The poor girl seemed to have fainted when the she heard the details of the mission.

"Didn't we fix that Hanabi?" Tsunade asked the unconscious girl's sister.

"Apparently we did not Hokage-sama."

"Bah, pick her up and return her to your home," Tsunade said as she glanced at Hinata, before gazing at the others, "Don't you guys have a mission to complete? Get the hell out of here!"

All the girls began to leave, Hanabi leaving with Hinata over her shoulder, and soon all the girls were gone save one.

"Hana, why are you still here?"

"I'm sorry Tsunade-sama, but I cannot complete this mission."

"Why?"

"I'm dating someone."

This piqued Tsunade's instance, she was like almost every other woman out there, loved to hear about others relationships.

"Really, may I ask whom?"

"Iruka Umino" she said barely above a whisper.

"Shit! Shizune, can you come in here for a moment?" she said as she pressed a button her intercom.

A moment later Shizune stuck her head in through the door. "You wanted to see me?"

"Hana can you repeat what you told me?"

"That I'm dating Iruka?"

Tsunade began to smash her head into her desk, puzzling Hana. The girl in question looked to Shizune for answers, but the girl was busy cheering.

"I told you he wasn't gay! I won the bet; you got to give me two weeks off!"

----

Naruto was once again making his way through the streets, not knowing that there was a somewhat large group of girls searching for him. He had two places to go yet, but luckily one them was close to the tower. With a whistle he made his way to the Yamanaka shop.

There he found a man with long blonde hair tending the shop. Entering quietly he made his way to the counter, pulling the man from his duties.

"What can I do for you Naruto?" the man asked.

Naruto was stunned once again, he knew he was wearing his mask and hence he shouldn't have been recognized.

"How the hell do you people figure out it's me when the others don't!?"

Inoichi chuckled at the strange outburst, before answering the boy.

"Kid, there are only two blonde men in this village, me being one of them. It's kind of obvious who you are, that hairstyle of yours helps as well. Now what can I do for you?"

"I need someone to do some landscaping; I thought you or Ino may have known someone that does that kind of work?"

"You finally got your old man's land did you?"

"What!? You knew?"

"Boy, I was Minato's friend. I've known for a long time, but you're in luck."

"How?"

"We do things besides work with flowers. I can do it for you after the meeting. Now what did you have in mind?"

Naruto began to explain what he wanted; he didn't mention how he wanted things placed. Deciding it would be better to let an expert handle those things. About half an hour later they were done talking.

"Sounds good, Naruto. I can most of the things you wanted planted later today, but some of the trees are going to take time. I would need a week to get them in."

"Sounds good Yamanaka-san."

"Kid just call me Inoichi, there's no need for san. It makes me sound old. Now that's settled I need to prepare for the meeting. I'll see you later."

"Ok Inoichi. See ya later then."

"Later Naruto"

----

Hiashi Hyuga was sitting in his study preparing paperwork. He had been alerted earlier that Hanabi returned with an unconscious Hinata in tow. Something that used to a common occurrence, but tapered off as the years passed. He was thankful to Hanabi for bringing her home. Bringing up another thought of how his daughters have changed over the years. They used to act distant but now they acted like normal siblings. They played pranks on each other and liked to argue about some boy. One that Hiashi didn't know, but he didn't care, he was happy that his family was returning to a sense of normalcy. Then he heard the yells.

"You can't participate in this mission Hanabi, you don't even know him!"

"That's what you think you big titted cow, I'm going to complete this mission!"

"You flat chested little bitch!"

Hiashi winced at this comment. If there was one thing that hurt Hanabi, it was the mention of her assets, or lack thereof. She just didn't inherit her mother's genes for that. It was then that Hinata was thrown through his door, followed by her sister. The two once again began their death battle. Hiashi watched for a moment before deciding to break it up.

"What is the meaning of this?!" he bellowed.

Both girls stopped fighting and looked to their father. Hanabi still had a fistful of Hinata's hair.

"Why are you two fighting?" asked Hiashi.

"It concerns a mission father." Hinata said as she freed her hair from her sister's grip.

"What kind of mission could cause the two of you to be fighting?"

"I'm sorry but we can't release the details." Hanabi said as she threw her sister a glare.

Hiashi just stared and drew a hand down his face. He didn't want to deal with things like this before he had to go to the council. Sighing he looked at his daughters once again.

"You two may leave, but I forbid you from fighting in my house."

"Yes father"

Hiashi watched both girls as they left. He formed a thought.

'I must ask the Hokage what the details of this mission could be.'

----

Naruto was on his way to his last stop. He needed to find a grocery store. Luckily Ino's dad recommended one that was nearby his shop. Staring at the store, he reached into his pocket and retrieved a list. Sighing at the size of it, he entered.

----

Tsunade just sat in her chair and stared at the group of people who were bickering save a few. Listening to them prattle on about things started to take its toll on her. Slamming her fist into the table silenced them all and drew their attention.

"You are probably wondering why I called this meeting. It's due to the arrival of one our most loyal ninjas returning home, along with two of his friends. It concerns his placement in our ranks after a nine year leave for training."

She smiled as she looked at the stupefied faces of most of the council. It was Inoichi that asked a question.

"You are speaking of Naruto aren't you?" the man asked with a knowing smirk.

Once the name was in the air, the council was in an uproar. Tsunade could hear some of them mutter "demon". Banging her fist once again, she drew their attention.

"Yes, Naruto Uzamaki has returned to us, bringing two very strong Shinobi with his as well. Two, who I think would greatly increase our strength as a Shinobi village, but they will only join our ranks on one condition. Naruto is to be made a Jounin along with them."

"Who are they that can demand such things from us?!" shouted an angry Danzo.

Tsunade grinned smugly, 'boy are these guys going to be in for a surprise.'

"Kisame Hoshigake and Itachi Uchiha."

Instantly the room became quiet. No one expected one of the last Uchiha to return to his village, nor a man who was feared in his own country. Both would have been a great addition to their forces. But they didn't like the idea of having to promote the demon brat to get them to join.

"Now I propose a vote. All those in favor of reinstating Itachi and promoting Kisame and Naruto to Jounin?"

Half the room voiced their approval.

"Now those not in favor?"

An even number of voices shouted their disapproval, disappointing Tsunade and some of the clan heads. Then she realized one person didn't vote. Staring at the man she noticed a look of indifference on his face.

"Would you care to explain why you didn't vote Hiashi? Is it because you don't approve that Naruto be made a Jounin?"

The man began to smirk before he spoke, "On the contrary Hokage-sama. I don't have a problem with Naruto being made a Jounin, nor his comrades."

"Then why didn't you vote?"

"I chose not to vote because I don't approve a promotion without some form of a test. I mean we haven't had a chance to see how well Uzamaki's skills have grown in his time away. I personally think a test must be done, and am sure the boy would agree with me if he was present here today."

Tsunade got what the man was saying. If she forced the promotion through the council, it would've looked as if she favored the boy, a sign of weakness. The damn Hyuga was actually looking out for her and her career. Flashing the man a smile, she turned back to council.

"I believe Hiashi has brought up an excellent point. I agree that the boy should perform a test before placement. All those in favor?"

All of the room agreed, save three people. Danzo, Homura, and Koharu, people who hated Naruto with a vengeance. Knowing their votes wouldn't matter, she turned to Hiashi.

"You spoke of a test Hiashi. What kind of test did you have in mind?"

"Simple, all the boy needs to do is defeat me in a taijutsu match. Hell, he doesn't even need to defeat me. Managing to get a damaging blow to hit me would be enough for my eyes."

Tsunade looked at the man carefully. While has hasn't been active for well over twenty years, his skills were still topnotch. Managing to land a damaging against him in a straight taijutsu match would be difficult even for her. Hopefully Naruto would be able to fare better than her.

"Ok, it's agreed that Naruto will take a test to show he is capable of being a Jounin. The test will take place two days from now in a place of my choosing. With that said, it's time for this meeting to adjourn."

All the members of the council got up and left their seats. Each of them bowing to Tsunade as they passed except for three who glared. The last one to pass was Hiashi who just gave her a small smile.

----

Naruto threw another bag of flour into his cart as he glanced at the list Kisame made for him. 'What the hell could he want with all these baking ingredients?' Naruto thought as he threw a tin of cocoa into the cart with a sour expression. After glancing at the list he made his way to the next aisle. Instantly his expression changed. Before him laid an aisle devoted to tobacco. 'Daddy's home!' Naruto thought as he dashed up and down the aisle looking for his favorite brand of cigars.

Why did Naruto like to smoke you ask? Well let us discuss his past for a bit. We all knew the boy had an unnatural obsession with ramen. When he gave up ramen for a healthier diet, he turned his obsession onto something else. That something turned out to be cigars. He loved the scent and taste they had, and with his unnatural healing that he still retains, he can smoke without worrying about the consequences. Now back with our hero.

"There you are you sneaky little thing you," Naruto said as picked up a carton.

"I see your back Naruto," a voice said from behind him.

Turning around, Naruto found the scarred face of Ibiki looking at him. Deciding to let the thought that mask he wore didn't hide his identity once again slide, he smiled at the man. Ibiki and Naruto became friends after the exam. Both held each other in high respect, Naruto for his determination, and Ibiki for his sense of duty. Something that Naruto held in high regard.

"Yup, just came into town to take care of a few things like shopping. How've you been doing?"

"Same old shit. Doing my job and trying to ignore Anko's advances."

"She's still the same?" Naruto asked his scarred friend.

"Actually she much worse, I hate to say it but that woman needs a man. A man who isn't me," Ibiki said as he reached down and grabbed a carton of cigarettes, "Right now I wish Kurenai didn't mess with Asuma, even if he smokes like a chimney. Now all the Shinobi are too scared to approach the Kunoichi, fearing the same might happen to them."

Naruto shuddered at the thought of a sex craved Anko before looking at Ibiki.

"Now that I'm back why don't you stop by my house and we can catch up?"

"Since when do you have a house? I thought you lived in that little shitty apartment?"

"Well considering Tsunade gave my apartment away, I had to build a house to stay in with some friends. Here, I'll give you the directions; it doesn't quite have an address yet."

Ibiki nodded as Naruto wrote something quickly on the back of the shopping list before handing it to him.

"Here are the directions, I'm pretty much home unless Tsunade calls me in for something, so show up anytime. If I'm not there by any chance, just let yourself in and make yourself at home."

"Maybe I'll just do that," Ibiki said with a smirk while hatching a plan.

Naruto gave him a small wave before heading out towards the clerk to check out. Ibiki gave him a small wave and looked down at the small paper. Seeing a list of ingredients he flipped it over to look at the directions wrote. Seeing it he formed a thought. 'Isn't this Minato's property?'

----

Ino was tired. After leaving the Hokage's tower with her friend, the two began their search for the boy required of the mission. They spent most of the afternoon going from one of his old haunts to the next. They even went to where his apartment was supposed to be only to find a store that had a crazed, black haired man running down the aisles. Seeing that Naruto wouldn't be there, they decided to head back to Ino's home and plan for their next search. Arriving, they found a very happy looking Inoichi loading a cart full of landscaping supplies. It was Sakura who popped the question that was on Ino's mind.

"What's with all the stuff, Mr. Yamanaka?"

The man flashed a bright smile, "Got a job, a pretty big one from the looks of it. Guess I lucked out today in more ways than one."

"How do you mean dad?"

"Well, it was going to take me awhile to do this job, but luckily two of my favorite helpers showed up."

"Dad, you can't be serious? Sakura and I are in the middle of a mission."

"Listen, I'll help you guys with your mission if you guys help me with this. It shouldn't take long between the three of us."

"But dad..." Ino drawled only to be cut off by her father.

"No buts young lady! Now you two get work and help me load this cart, then we can head to the client's home."

It didn't take long for three to load up the cart and were soon on their way. They left the gates of the village and headed up one of the paths in the forest.

"What kind of person lives outside the safety of the village walls?" Sakura asked Ino's dad.

"He's kind of special. From my understanding his home was destroyed so he was given his family's land. He ended up having to build his own home."

"So who is he?" asked Ino.

"Can't tell you till we get there," Inoichi said with a chuckle.

"You know you suck dad."

"Aw hush up; I can see the path that leads to his home.

Both girls looked at the wide path that led for a ways. As they walked it they noticed the amount of trees that were knocked down at the sides of it. After a bit more walking they arrived at the house. All three of them stared in awe. The place was huge, but thankfully for Inoichi the rest of the lot was small. It would take him a few hours to finish.

"Who the hell lives here!?" Ino damn near yelled at her father.

Inoichi chuckled a bit before answering her, "Why don't you two go and tell the client we have arrived."

Both girls nodded and made their way towards the front door. Seeing as there was no bell, Ino knocked loudly on the large wooden door. They waited for a few moments before they could hear soft footsteps making their way towards the door. Both girls gasped when they saw who answered the door.

"Sakura? Ino? What are you two doing here?"

----

Naruto was exhausted by the time he arrived home. When he finally arrived, he placed the groceries on the kitchen table and made his way to his room. There he grabbed a pair of pajama pants and headed to the bathroom to take a shower. Once that was finished, he decided to get in some quality reading.

He was a few chapters in when he heard the knock at his front door. 'Must be Inoichi' Naruto thought as he put the book, coincidently Jiraiya's latest, under his pillow. With a sigh he got up and made his way to answer the door. Only to be greeted with Ino and Sakura gaping at him.

"Sakura? Ino? What are you two doing here?"

----

Sakura couldn't believe her eyes. The man, that she and Ino had spent a large part of the day searching for, was standing before him in all his half naked glory.

"Naruto?"

The man looked at her and flashed her a smile.

"The one and only, babe."

Sakura blushed at his comment and was about say something before Ino interrupted her.

"Naruto, what are you doing here? I mean this is a huge house."

"I'm here," he gestured to the rest of the house, "because this is **my** house."

Once again, both girls were openly gaping. Even Inoichi noticed the state his daughter was in, looking back to Naruto he spoke.

"Hey Naruto, you didn't tell me that your lot was so small. I can probably be done with an hour, even without their help. So why don't you give the girls the grand tour while I get to work."

Both were back the land of the normal folks when they heard the term 'grand tour'. Hearing this they turned to Naruto and applied the patented 'Moegi puppy eyes' jutsu. No man could deny whatever the user asked, and Naruto was like every other man.

"Fine," he said with a sigh, "just be sure to take off your shoes."

Both girls nodded and did as they were told. They followed Naruto into the first room of the house.

"This is my living room as you can see," Naruto said as he pointed to pieces of furniture and the large television, "Moving on."

Next Naruto led them to his kitchen, where a large blue man was in the middle of greasing corning ware.

"This is my kitchen, the man you see there is one of my housemates, Kisame."

The man in question looked up and said a simple "Yo".

Next, he led the girls to his bedroom. Opening the door he led them in and closed it. Before the girls, was one of the largest bedrooms they ever seen. It seemed to be furnished with simple wooden furniture and the largest, fluffiest, looking bed the two have ever seen.

"This is my room," Naruto said hoping the girls would leave before they found something he didn't want them to.

Neither of the girls budged. They just stared at the large bed. Ino, being the weaker willed of the two, dived onto his bed, startling the fox that seemed to be sleeping.

"So soft…" the girl practically moaned as she rolled a bit.

"Who the hell?" Kyuubi groaned out as he stretched, only to see a girl moaning in his friend's bed. Turning from the girl to Naruto he flashed him a foxy thumbs up.

"Sakura you got to try this, it's like lying on a cloud."

Seeing the obvious pleasure her friend was in, she followed suit, much to Naruto's dismay and Kyuubi's amusement. Ino wasn't lying when she described the bed. Stretching she reached under the pillow and felt something. Rolling over she lifted the pillow to find a book. Seeing that it was open, she looked at the opened page and began to read.

'_The two young women finally caught the source of their affections. Tying Naluto to his bed, they began to strip him and themselves. Seeing their love's equipment, both began to feel flush. The girls had agreed that they would take turns with their lover__. Saku__la was to be the first, while Im__o would be the second…'_

Sakura felt her face become flush as she read the next few sentences. Quickly closing the book she looked at the cover. 'Icha Icha: A New Generation' was written above the author's name. Looking at the book then to Naruto, she could feel her rage rising. 'That little pervert!' Sakura thought, **'****Make**** him bleed!'** inner Sakura demanded.

Growling, she lifted herself from the godly bed and made her way towards Naruto, who was backing up slowly towards his door.

"Sakura, it isn't what you think!" the boy said as he placed his hands in a placating manner.

Sakura moved in a speed she didn't know she possessed as she nailed Naruto. Sending him into his wall, causing a scream from the next room.

**"My Soufflé!"**

----

Kisame burst into the room, with murder in his eyes, looking for the person who ruined his attempt at a foreign dessert. Seeing Naruto lying under the point of impact and an angry girl rubbing her fist. Naruto obviously had done something to anger the inhumanly strong Kunoichi; he made a smart choice and quickly left the room.

----

To say that Sakura was pissed would be an understatement. She was furious. The one man she always held a bit of respect for turned out to be a pervert like her old sensei. That and the fact that story seemed a bit odd. A shrill laughter pulled her from her thoughts of murder. Turning to the source, she found a small fox rolling on the bed next to her friend.

"That has to be the funniest shit I've seen in a long time."

"Fuck you Kyuu," Naruto growled out as he pulled himself up.

Ino just stared at the little fox,"Naruto, why does your fox talk?"

"He's kind of special for a **pet**; he seemed to have learned how to speak human."

"I'm not your goddamn pet!" the fox screamed in its shrill voice.

"Whatever fuzz butt, now to continue with the tour…"

----

Naruto led the girls through the rest of the house. Leaving Kisame's room to their imagination and Itachi's was open to show that he was indeed a Pocky fanatic if the empty boxes were any indication. Stopping at the last room, he turned to the girls.

"Well this is the last important room of the house," he said as he opened the door.

The door which led to a very simple looking bathroom, which was finished in white with the basics of utility. A sink, a toilet, and a shower stall. Turning back to the girls he could see the look of disappointment on their faces.

"What?"

"Well," Ino was trying to figure a way to place her thoughts into words, "We thought you would have some grand bathroom. Not something so plain."

"I expected you to have a luxurious tub. One that you could swim in," Sakura interjected.

Naruto smirked,"follow me."

Naruto led the girls down a small hallway that ended in a door. Opening it revealed a small room that held shelves with some towels while a few were empty. The girls looked at the room with a puzzled impression.

"It's your linen room, big deal."

Naruto smiled at her before gesturing to the door that stood across from them. Gesturing for them to open it. Sakura walked over to the door and slid it open. What greeted her was a sweaty, grinning Inoichi.

"Hey Naruto, I finished up."

Naruto nodded to the older man, "So what's the damage?"

"No charge, as long as I get to use **it** whenever I want."

"It? Dad what are you talking about?" Ino asked.

Inoichi turned and pointed, revealing Naruto's private onsen. Before them laid an onsen that was finished to look like a natural hot spring. It was easily the size of a small pond and its smooth surface was interrupted with large stones. It seemed to be fed by two small streams, one of which had a device placed in it to control the flow of water.

"You have your own onsen Naruto?" asked Sakura, not believing her eyes.

"Well," he began to scratch his head in his normal awkward fashion, "I kind of didn't plan to…"

----

Five days prior…

Naruto and Kisame were once again at work. It took them most of the day before but they managed to eliminate the stumps the lot was filled with. Now they could start work on the foundation. Suddenly Kisame left Naruto and walked over to one of the piles of scraps the clones seemingly 'forgot' to clean up and picked up a forked stick. This action puzzled Naruto due to the fact he had no idea why the man would need a stick for, eventually Naruto had to speak.

"What's with the stick?"

"I'm turning it into a dowsing rod," Kisame said as if it was common knowledge.

"What's a dowsing rod?"

"It's a device used for finding water underground."

"Why do you need to find water underground?"

"We're going to need it to drink."

"Why bother, we got a stream next to the lot."

Kisame was beginning to get irked with his friend's stupid questions but started counting backwards in his head, "Listen Naruto, that water from the stream isn't safe."

"Why wouldn't it be safe?"

"Listen, you don't just drink water without taking some form of purifying it. Didn't your Jounin sensei teach you this?"

"I've been drinking from it all week."

"And you're lucky you're not in the woods recovering from the 'trots'. Now shut up and let me work."

Noticing that his friend had finally shut up, Kisame poured some chakra into the rod and began to walk slowly. He didn't take five steps before the rod started to point down sharply.

"Naruto come here for a second."

Naruto walked over to his friend to see what the man needed of him.

"What do you need?"

"I need you to bore a hole in the ground with your Rasengan."

"Why?"

"Quit it with the damn questions and just do as I say."

Naruto looked offended at the comment but did as he was told. Charging a small Rasengan, he forced it into the ground, where it drilled a small hole. Naruto watched the hole for anything of interest but nothing happened. Bending down, Naruto looked down the hole but saw nothing. He bent farther and placed his ear near the hole, now he could hear the sounds of water gushing from the hole. Next thing Naruto knew, his head was covered with near scalding, dirty brown water.

"Hot! Hot! Why is it so damn hot?!" Naruto screamed as crawled back from hole.

----

Back to the present...

"So your saying you accidently found a pocket of hot water?" Inoichi asked, not believing the boys luck.

"Yeah, I looked like a damn lobster for half the day, and Kisame laughed his ass off the whole the time."

Sakura imagined Naruto with bright red skin instead his normal tanned, then imagined him with a pair of pincers instead of hands and burst into a fit of giggles. Naruto glared at the girl before looking back to Ino and her father.

"Seeing that we basically uncovered a hot spring, I decided to make my own onsen. Especially after the incident earlier this week."

Ino and Sakura began blushing fiercely as they remembered seeing Naruto in the bath. Something Inoichi noticed, grinning he turned to Naruto.

"Incident?"

Naruto leaned into Inoichi ear and whispered into his ear. The older man looked shocked, further embarrassing the girls.

"Well that has happened before and I doubt it won't happen again, more the reason I want to use this one. Wouldn't have to worry about any more of those 'incidents'."

"Well, I have no problems if you want to use it."

Inoichi did the 'yes' motion hearing this and started whooping. Ino just stood there; not being able to grasp that father could seem even more immature than an academy student.

"What about us Naruto?" Sakura whined out, "can we use it when we want?"

"Well… I guess you could, but I can't guarantee that no one can see you. I don't have any privacy walls."

Sakura grinned and nodded. Ino just stared at her friend who seemed a bit out of character, while Inoichi looked at his watch and noted the time.

"Naruto it's getting late and we should be heading home. Don't want my wife screeching at me now, do we?"

"Mom doesn't screech!" Ino screeched out, deafening anything in a four kilometer radius.

"Whatever you say dear…" Inoichi mumbled as he attempted to cover his ears, "Naruto we'll be leaving now. I'll be back when your trees are in."

Naruto nodded and followed the three as they walked around the house to the front door. Waving them off as they walked down the path that would take them back to the village, turning when they were longer in sight, he began to giggle perversely. 'Wonder what kind of situation Naluto has gotten himself into now?' Naruto thought as he made his way to his room to continue his reading.

----

It didn't take long for the three to reach the shop. The walk home was strange though. Inoichi gave Ino and Sakura strange looks as they walked, and denied it whenever Ino brought it up, and Sakura was acting stranger. She was what Ino thought as 'bubbly', something the serious Haruna usually was not. It was something Ino had to ask her friend about.

When they had arrived, Ino grabbed Sakura and dragged her, bent on getting some explanations.

"What the hell is with you Sakura? Why are you acting all weird?" Ino hissed out.

Sakura just stared at Ino with a hurt expression before she spoke.

"I don't know what you're talking about, I wasn't acting weird."

"Bullshit, you were acting like he was Sasuke all over again."

Sakura heaved a sigh before speaking, "Ino, okay I'll admit I was acting strange, but it's for a good reason."

"And that would be?"

"Don't tell me you forgot about our mission did you?"

Ino paused for a moment, 'Oh shit! I totally forgot about the mission'.

"You're saying…"

"I acted like that on purpose, even going so far to convince Naruto to give us free reign of his bath."

Ino was puzzled, "Why would we need that?"

"My dear piggy, wouldn't you think it was weird if two beautiful Kunoichi, showed up at your at your door with no reason for being there. You would think something was up, wouldn't you?"

Ino grinned at what her friend had done, "Sakura, you are a genius."

----

Unknown to Naruto, the two Yamanakas and Haruno weren't the only other people who knew where he lived besides his friends. The two figures who watched him had done a good job of keeping themselves concealed as they watched the prior events unfold silently.

"Well we've located the target," one voice spoke as it addressed its comrade.

"Now all we have to do as wait for the perfect moment to strike," The other said with a slight smile

Seeing that their target has gone to sleep both turned and made their way to the village. The moon's light showing the headbands the two figures wore, a single musical note, on a background of dull grey metal.

----

The next morning…

Naruto woke to a strange sensation. It felt like a warm breeze in his left ear, but it wasn't strong. It also seemed to blow in a steady rhythm. Cracking his left eye open, he glanced to the source. There lying on his other pillow, was Kyuubi on his back with his leg splayed open.

'I so need to get a camera, just for moments like these. Think of the blackmail possibilities…'

Naruto's thoughts were interrupted when he felt the call of nature. Getting up as quietly as he could, he made his way to the bathroom. Once he relieved himself, he made his way towards the kitchen. He could hear the snores emanating from his friend's rooms as he walked by in his quest for caffeine. Eyes still blurry from waking up, he stumbled towards the kitchen, totally oblivious to his surroundings.

"Morning Naruto" a cheery voice said to him as he passed the kitchen table.

"Morning Kakashi," Naruto grumbled out as he searched a cabinet for his coffee cup.

Then something in his mind clicked, the coffee helped. Turning around, he saw Kakashi eating the remnants of Kisame's culinary attempts. Next to the man were three large duffel bags.

"Kakashi, what are you doing here?"

The man looked and answered with a mouthful of pastry, "The Hokage told me that you're your test for Jounin rank will take place tomorrow at the arena at 9am. You are to be tested against Hiashi Hyuga in a straight taijutsu match."

"Well that's fine and dandy, but it doesn't explain those." Naruto gestured to the bags that lay at Kakashi's side.

"Well," he did his imitation of a nervous Naruto, "I kind of got thrown out of my apartment."

"Really now? How did you manage that?" Naruto asked, waiting for the ridiculous explanation.

"My land lady found my collection of books. Her being an extreme feminist that she is, said I was a pig of a man and she wanted me out. So I'm kind of in a bind. I was hoping, you being the nicest, most caring person I know, would find it in your heart to let me stay."

Naruto just stared at the man and sipped his coffee. 'Damn that Kakashi, knowing one of my weaknesses.'

"Fine you can stay, but you're paying for room and board. You can take one of the empty rooms."

"I owe you Naruto."

Naruto nodded to him and worked to finish his coffee. When he reached to pour himself another cup, he heard a knock at his door. Sitting his mug down on the counter, he padded his way to his front door only to find a tired looking Shikimaru with a rather beat up Kiba standing there. The latter sporting a large knot on his forehead. Behind them stood Akamaru who was struggling under the combined weight of their bags.

Naruto just looked at them for a moment. "What are you guys doing here?"

Kiba was the first to speak. "Kiko kicked my ass out, so I need a place to stay."

Naruto turned to lazy one of the duo, "You?"

"I was staying with them."

Naruto just heaved a sigh and let them in. "Take a room and you're paying for room and board. Kiba, make sure your damn dog doesn't pee on my floors."

"Hey! Akamaru's housebroken!"

"Whatever, you guys know your way around here better than I do, go pick some rooms."

Both men nodded to him and made their way to their rooms. Leaving Naruto to return to his coffee, but he didn't even get a chance to put it to his lips before another knock came from his door. 'This is getting fucking ridiculous' Naruto thought as he stomped over to the door. Only to be greeted by his perverted teacher.

"Naruto! I need a place to…"

"Oh hell no!" Naruto shouted as he slammed the door in the man's face. Only to see him when he turned around.

"My dear apprentice, your actions wound me. I thought you of all people, would be the first to come to my aid."

"Cut the shit old man. What do you need?"

The man looked defeated at the boy's words. "I need a place to stay."

Naruto just gestured down the hallway and left. Leaving Jiraiya to his own devices. Naruto now had a moment to enjoy his coffee. Taking a sip, his face scrunched up in distaste. 'God damn it, its cold.'

----

Hiashi sat at his desk in his study, staring at the scroll that lay in front of him. Picking it up, he ran his thumb over the blood seal that held it closed. 'I hope the boy surpasses every one of your expectations.'

----

Naruto just sat on his porch and stared at the moon. He always liked to look at the moon. It seemed to calm him down, though he didn't know why. He continued to stare till a voice pulled him from his thoughts.

"Worried about tomorrow?"

Naruto turned to see Jiraiya watching him. "A little bit."

"Boy, you'll figure a way to beat him. You always do. It's not in your blood to be defeated easily. Something that you picked up from your dad."

"That still doesn't make me feel better. Hiashi is tough, and you know as well as I do that my taijutsu is seriously lacking. I may be one of the strongest ninjas in existence but we both know that strength isn't everything."

"Your thinking about this too hard. Why don't you go for a walk and clear your head?"

"Maybe I'll do that. Thanks for trying to put me at ease old man."

"Hell don't thank me, you would have done the same for me."

Naruto just waved him off as he walked toward the forest.

----

"Ok the target is on the move. You ready for phase one of the plan, Tayuya?"

Kin stood on one of the trees that overlooked Naruto's home. A moment later her communication device crackled with life.

"Ready here, just be sure to keep him in sight at all times. He's known for making all sorts of escapes." Tayuya replied.

"Got ya, target is moving into the woods. Commence radio silence now."

----

Naruto walked through the trees silently. He could hear the sounds of animals as they moved through the forest litter as he walked. When all of a sudden he heard haunting songs begin to play in the woods ahead of him. The music seemed to beckon for him. 'Who could that be? I thought this forest was off limits to all but me?' Naruto thought as he moved forward. He kept moving till he heard something whizz through the air and a small 'thunk' came from the tree ahead of him. Looking towards the sound, he caught the glint of metal. Upon closer inspection he could see a Senbon with a small bell attached. 'Why do I feel a sense of déjà vu?' Naruto thought as he reached for the bell. It started to ring as Naruto reached for it, and the world went black.

Naruto woke up slowly and attempted to move. Only to find that his hands and legs were bound. Flexing slightly, he hoped he could break the bindings, only to find his effort was for naught. Opening his eyes and giving them a moment to adjust to the darkness, he began to look at his situation. Seeing that his wrists were bound with what appeared to wire with chakra suppressing capabilities, he looked at his body. 'Ok, I'm bound, lying in a small clearing in the woods around my house, and where are my goddamn clothes?!'

"Look, he finally came to," said a voice that came from his side.

"Looks like we begin the fun then," replied a voice from behind him.

Straining his eyes, Naruto could make out the form of what appeared to be two women. He couldn't see their features exactly, but he guessed they must be around his age from their voices. When they finally stepped out of the shadows, he could make out their faces. They were the two girls that were with Ten-ten and Temari when he picked up his materials, but he didn't know their names.

"What are you two doing? Why the hell am I tied and where the fuck are my pants?"

The larger of the two spoke, "Ku ku ku Naruto-kun. I would think you would enjoy the company of two beautiful women."

"Not when I have no control of my situation! Now let me go!"

"I'm sorry Naruto-kun, but you're not being freed till we had some fun…"

----

Elsewhere in the forest…

The owl sat in its tree as it scanned it surroundings in a search of meal. It didn't take it long to spy a small mouse as it dashed across the forest floor. It tensed, prepared to make its swoop when an inhuman scream shook the forest.

**"Oh god! Not that! Anything but that! Nooooooo!"**

----

A/N: Well got another chapter up for you guys. Hope y'all are happy with it. Now to go on a rant.

Rant on: I've noticed a problem that makes an appearance in a large percentage of fics. This problem is horrible spelling. I'm not talking minor spelling errors that occur from time to time, but I talking like 15 or 20 mistakes in a page. Now this proposes a question that I try to comprehend. How the hell does someone let that many mistakes slide? I mean if you're posting a fic, you obviously have access to a word processor. I may not be positive that all but I'm sure a large sum of them offers a spell check. How hard could it possibly be to hit that button before you save your document? Hell I hit it several times as a write so I don't screw up and fix some grammatical mistakes (Thank you Microsoft Office) and even then I read through it a couple times to make sure everything works and flows well together. Now that is out of my system I'll go on a smaller rant. If you're writing, please separate your speech into separate lines. Many authors do this and for that I'm thankful. Large blocks of text hurt my eyes to read and makes it easy to lose my place in a story. Now if you add a block of text with numerous spelling errors, you're raping my eyes. Do you want to rape my eyes!? Please don't rape my eyes. : Rant off

Now that's done. Please read and review. As always, until next time folks.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer/Legend: See first chapter

----

Now with our hero…

Naruto found himself running through the woods, naked, with his dangly bits flopping in the wind. 'How the hell did I get myself into this situation?' he thought as he batted another branch away from his face.

----

A little while ago…

Naruto found himself being held captive by two the girls he saw with Ten-ten and Temari. Naruto knew them from somewhere else, but he couldn't quite place their faces. Carefully he managed to work his way out of the bindings when the two girls were occupied stripping. Once free, he made easy work of the smaller, dark haired girl with a few placed finger jabs to some pressure points, rendering the girl unconscious. But the red head was a whole different story. She was the stronger of the two and seemed to have much more training. While Naruto was much stronger than her, she seemed to be slightly faster, and had almost taken him back down. But Naruto slipped her grasp, losing his underwear in the process. Now he was running for dear life.

----

Back to the current time…

"Naru-kun, don't run! I just want to play!" a voice called out from behind him.

Naruto almost tripped when he heard her voice, she was much closer than before. Using an inner strength he didn't know he possessed, he ran faster. His legs screamed in pain whenever his foot hit the ground but he kept on. He would only stop running when he was in the safety of his seal enhanced home. Thankfully he could see the light coming from his house ahead. 'Only a few meters to go, come on Naruto, you can do this. You don't want to be caught again do you?' Naruto thought to himself as leaped into his yard and dashed towards his open window.

Jumping through his window, Naruto spun on the balls of his feet and quickly closing the window, activating the seal he placed on it. Now nothing could get in or so he hoped.

"Where the hell are your clothes, kit?" a voice said from the doorway.

Turning, Naruto faced Kyuubi and panted out a response, "Crazy pant girls in the woods pant."

"So it's safe to assume that half naked girl who is staring at us through your window is one of them then?" Kyuubi said as if it was the most normal thing the world.

Naruto turned to look, dreading at what he knew was there. Kyuubi was right, on the other side glass, staring at Naruto was the redhead from earlier.

"Let me in Naruto-kun," Tayuya said in a sweet voice, "Look at your bed, it's too big for you alone, let me in and we can share it." Seeing that her attempt at being seductive wasn't cutting it, she switched to her old standby… "Open the fucking window! I'm not going to hurt you! I just want to fuck your brains out!"

Naruto just stared at the girl. One moment she had acted sweet, the next she was cursing worse than an Itachi being denied his snack sticks. 'Ok, I've dealt with crazy, sex obsessed girls before, but she takes the cake.' Then something in his mind clicked, 'wait a minute redhead, swears more than a sailor… I remember her now!'

"You're one of those guys that grabbed Sasuke! What the hell are you doing here?!"

"I want to fuck you silly, what the fuck do you think I'm doing here?" the Sound-nin growled out as she banged on the window pane.

Naruto walked over the window, tempted to open it and getting explanations, but decided against it. Instead he reached up drew down the blind, further infuriating the girl.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing? Don't leave me out here! Fuck me!" she screamed.

Turning he walked over to his bed and looked over to his friend. "We're going to be in for a long night."

----

Elsewhere in the Uzamaki residence…

Shikimaru was sleeping peacefully, when a loud voice woke him. 'Mom must be yelling at dad again' he thought as he rolled over without even opening his eyes. But what he heard next blew that theory out of the water and forced him to look around.

**"What the fuck do you think you're doing? Don't leave me out here! Fuck me!"**

'What the hell? No matter how weird ma is, she doesn't yell at dad like that.'

Looking around his room, he realized that he wasn't at his parents' home. 'Oh that's right, Naruto is letting me crash here, but what troublesome woman would be here yelling obscenities at this hour?' Shika thought as he sat up on the edge of his bed. He could hear more swearing, which was coming from outside oddly. Slowly he plodded over to his window to find out who was the source of the noise.

Opening the window, he poked his head out and saw something that would surprise many but not Shika. He saw a Tayuya, in her skivvies, banging on Naruto's window while swearing. Deciding to do something he knew would be troublesome for him, he had to ask the obvious question.

"Tayuya, what the hell are you doing? Why are you in your underwear?"

The girl turned her head and narrowed her eyes when she saw him. "What the fuck are you doing here?" she hissed out.

Shika just sighed before he answered. "Naruto is letting me and Kiba crash here. But why are you here screaming at Naruto's window?"

Tayuya was known for being many things, but one thing she wasn't known for was being tactful. "I want to fuck him!"

Shika just widened his eyes and tried to keep himself from gaping. He never expected to hear something like that from the girl concerning Naruto.

"Why?"

"I don't need to give you my reasons, you pineapple headed fuckstick. But he has one hell of a dick… it was just beautiful," the girl answered with a lustful look in her eyes.

"Ok, too much information. I'm not going to try and stop you but can at least keep it down? Some of us are trying to sleep."

"Fuck you!"

Shika just shook his head, and muttered, though not low enough for the irate girl not to hear, which earned him a rock to the forehead. Grunting, he pulled his head back in the window, leaving the girl to her screeching. Flopping back down on his bed, he rubbed his newly formed knot and formed a thought, 'I will never envy Naruto ever again, that woman was most troublesome…'

----

The next day…

Tsunade watched as the council members began to filter into the small arena used for Jounin exams. The arena was smaller because the exams were usually taken with fellow Jounins as judges and were much more private. There wasn't a need to make it into a grand show to showcase the skills of their village. That was done with the Chuunin exam.

Soon, all the council members have arrived and split into two little factions. There was the like or at least respect Naruto for what he was and what burden he shouldered, made up of the clan heads. Then there was the anti-Naruto faction which was composed Homura, Koharu, and Danzo. Those three just glared at others like the petulant children they were, causing Tsunade to chuckle.

Personally she liked the clan heads. Each of them had their quirks that made them 'special' in a way. Hiashi always seemed to carry himself as the snob that truly befitted a Hyuuga, while the Haruno matron was a quite outspoken individual. Then you had Danzo, he bore no clan, but was allowed a place on the council due to his military victories in wars long past. He truly craved a military state, something that was the opposite of what Tsunade's ancestors wanted, and he would try by any means necessary. Something that disgusted her to no end.

Heaving a sigh and making an attempt to clear her mind from the path of thinking it had taken, Tsunade glanced at her pocket watch. Noting the time, she realized that Naruto had five minutes before his test would take place. She prayed that he wouldn't be taking after Kakashi when it came to a serious matter such as this. Her doubts were disappeared when a cloaked individual appeared in the middle of the arena.

----

Naruto couldn't believe he was almost late. He had overslept due to a crazed redhead keeping him up most of the night. Then his two senseis didn't get him up for reasons unknown. He didn't even have a chance a chance for his morning shower and chose to dress in the same clothes he wore the prior day.

But he had made it in time. Using one last Shunshin, he arrived with a minute to spare. Glancing around, he looked for faces that he knew. Immediately he noticed Ino's father standing next to what he assumed were Shika and Chouji's fathers. He also saw Hinata's father looking at him rather intently with a smirk, unnerving him a little bit. Then a woman with bright pink hair drew his eye. 'Must be Sakura's mom' he thought as he watched her. Last he saw the woman, who he felt was an older sister/crazy grandmother figure smiling at him. He also noticed three individuals that seemed to be keeping a bit of distance from the others, but he didn't recognize them so he paid them no mind. When he heard a slight cough he turned to Tsunade.

"Now Naruto, do you know why you have been called here today?"

"You guys wish to test me to see if I'm qualified to be given the rank of Jounin."

"That is correct. Do you know the how you will be tested?"

Naruto nodded and removed his cloak, showing that he was the wearing the same clothes as the day before, as he waited for his opponent to join him on the arena floor.

----

Hiashi stepped down to the arena floor. Looking at the boy he tried to sum the boy's strengths. Naruto easily stood a head taller than him, and seemed to pack on plenty of muscle, but not in huge amounts. Settling into the Jyuuken stance, he smirked and gestured for Naruto to get ready. He watched as Naruto got into a rough stance similar to the one that was taught in the academy.

'His stance is very rough. I doubt he trained in taijutsu in his travels and shouldn't be much of a challenge, but he isn't known as the number one most surprising ninja for nothing.'

Hiashi wasn't wrong. It was Naruto who started the fight, charging straight at him and throwing two punches, one aimed for his face while the other went for Hiashi's right shoulder.

'His form is terrible as is his speed, but he seems to be exuding confidence and power. He may still do something that surprises even me.' Hiashi thought as he began the counterattack.

----

Naruto couldn't believe the speed that Hiashi could move at. The older man was keeping toe to toe with Naruto, canceling out Naruto's powerful blows with quick counters, even going so far to start sealing his chakra points in his left arm. Making it all but useless in the fight. Then Naruto did something that scared him. Hiashi used the Eight Trigram Sixty-Four Palms, forcing Naruto to the ground. The old man had sealed up half of his chakra, making getting up seem twenty times harder than what it really was, but he managed to do it.

Breathing heavily, both arms hanging limply at his sides, he stared at the man and waited for him to make the next move. Seeing the man doing nothing, he tried something that worked back at the Chuunin exams. 'God I hope this works' Naruto thought as he pulled at the special chakra reserve that he used under only dire consequences. Feeling the primal force if it tug at his mind, he pulled. Almost instantaneously he could move again, but at a price. He was a hurting unit now but he could fight again. Gritting his teeth against the pain, Naruto found himself on the attack once again.

----

Meanwhile at the Uzamaki homestead…

Three figures sat relaxing in a corner of the onsen that was separated into a sort of Jacuzzi. Jiraiya, Kakashi, and Kiba were having a soak while discussing the events of the night prior.

"Any of you guys hear that yelling outside Naruto's room last night?" Kiba asked as he shifted in the bubbling water.

Kakashi sighed, "Yeah I heard it. Some crazy chick screaming that she wanted to nail him. I'm sure you had a part to play in this Jiraiya."

Jiraiya looked shocked at Kakashi's accusations. "I don't have an idea what you're talking about."

"So you're saying a girl screaming for him at all hours of the night is normal?"

"While I hate to agree with the old pervert, but he's right." A figure replied as he sat in the onsen next to Kakashi.

"You can't be serious Itachi. I mean I grew up with Naruto. He was never the ladies man." Kiba said in an unbelieving tone.

"Kid, you saw how all the women reacted when we were at the bar. It's because of incidents like that, that he has to wear that mask all the time. It keeps the women off him."

"I refuse to believe that! There's no way that Naruto can get more tail than me! I mean look at me; I am one sexy beast!"

At that, the others gave him a disbelieving look and went to back to their own conversations. Leaving Kiba to pout at Naruto's good fortune with the female gender.

----

Back with our hero…

Naruto was getting the ass beating of his life. Even the one he received when he told Itachi they were going to ban Pocky didn't hold a candle to this one. He knew that Hiashi was stronger than he looked, but this was ridiculous. They've been fighting for well over twenty minutes and Hiashi showed no sign of slowing down. Naruto knew if he was to win this match he would to do something desperate.

Naruto waited for Hiashi to get close and didn't have to wait long for his moment of opportunity. Hiashi rushed forward, moving at a speed that Naruto barely caught and struck him in his right arm, shattering his Humerus. Grunting against the pain, he grabbed at Hiashi's collar and slammed his head into the man's face.

At first the man stood there looking stunned. Then he began to stumble a little before falling to the ground, with a small smile. Naruto couldn't help but grin under his mask. He did it, he won. He went against a stronger opponent and emerged victorious. Using the last bit of his strength, he flashed a goofy thumbs up before he passes out.

----

Now with Temari…

Temari sighed as she nursed her tea. She was sitting in a small café waiting for Shika. While they weren't dating anymore; both of them still liked to meet up at least once a week to shoot this shit. While she waited, she let her mind drift off and began to think of other things. Some thoughts were normal, such as what Gaara is up to and what she was going to make for dinner that, but in the end she began to think of her current mission and a fellow blonde.

'I mean how many Kunoichi get a mission to bed someone without having to off them in the end?' Temari thought as she sipped her tea. She knew a bit about Naruto, but nothing of what made him, him. But she was thankful to Naruto for straightening Gaara out and giving her little brother back to her.

"Sorry for being late, had a troublesome problem that needed to take care of." Shika said as he took a seat across from her in the booth.

"Would that problem have anything to do with that bruise you lazy ass?"

Shika just gave her a small glare before picking up the menu, muttering something that sounded like 'troublesome women', causing Temari to giggle slightly.

"So where have you been? I stopped by your parent's house the yesterday and they told me they haven't seen you in awhile."

"Well," he paused to light up a cigarette and took a drag, "I was staying with Kiba at his girlfriend's, but he got us kicked out. So now we're shacking up with Naruto."

Temari choked slightly on her drink when she heard mention of Naruto. Coughing slightly, she had goaded him to continue. "What do you mean? I thought Naruto lived in some little rat hole of an apartment?"

"Nah, he has a big place outside the village. Hell, I helped him build it."

"I can't picture that you, the laziest person I have ever met, actually helped build a house."

"Hey, I take offense to that. I'm not that lazy, only when I want to be."

"If I recall, one of the reasons we broke up was due to your lazy tendencies." Temari said and immediately regretted it as the mood turned somber. Deciding to change the subject she asked the question that's been plaguing her mind since Shika's arrival.

"So are you going to tell me how you got that bruise?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," Shika grumbled out as he gave the waitress his order.

"You got to tell me. I'm sure it's a funny story."

"I don't see how getting a rock to the forehead from Tayuya can be called funny."

"Now you _have _to give me details. Tell me everything that happened," Temari knew that this would make awesome gossip.

Sighing, Shika began to recount the events that happened last night. Going so far to give Tayuya's actual quotes on what she said about Naruto, only pausing when the waitress arrived to take their orders. At first she didn't believe it, but her rational side kicked in. 'That does sound like something Tayuya would do.'

"And that's how I received this bruise." Shika said as he finished his story.

"Well I can't say I feel sorry for you." She paused as the waitress placed their food in front of them. After saying a small thank you she continued with the conversation. "So tell me. What it's like living with Naruto."

Shika sat there for a moment to think before answering, eating a fry in the process. "I would say it definitely isn't troublesome at all. It's kind of fun if you can look past his roommates."

"Roommates?"

"Well… Kakashi and Jiraiya are living there now along with Itachi and Kisame."

"Itachi as in Itachi **Uchiha** and Kisame? The two S-class missing-nins?" Temari asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, but they're cool if you get to know them. Itachi is a pretty good guy as well as one of the best damn Shogi players I have ever met, and Kisame can bake one hell of a cake."

Shika's comment about the Ex mist-nin caused Temari to burst into a fit of giggles when she heard about Kisame. "You're telling me that one of the deadliest men in existence bakes?" She asked before another bout of laughter took hold.

"What can I say; the man makes a mean bran muffin." Shika said, trying to hold in his own laughter.

"So tell me, what's Naruto like? Is he still that annoying, loud mouth that he was when I last saw him?"

"He's nothing like the brat he used to be. Now he's a completely different person. He's quiet, mature, even though he's a bit of a perv if those books he reads are any indication."

Temari just stared at her friend; she stopped giggling and was now trying to contain her feminine anger. If there was one thing she hated, it was a pervert. 'Mission be damned! I'm going to kick his ass!'

"You ok Tema? Your eye is twitching?" Shika asked with concern on his face.

"Oh…I'm fine…" she said, drawing out the 'fine'.

"You don't look fine, you look like you're about to kill someone."

"Shika can I ask you a small favor?" She asked in a voice that dripped sweetness.

"Tema, you know I would do anything for you, as long as it's within reason."

"I want to meet with Naruto."

----

Back with our hero after the ass beating of a life time…

Naruto woke to find himself in an unfamiliar room. Glancing from side to side, he could tell that he wasn't in the hospital as he usually ended up when he passed out in a fight. He could see that it was finished in a soft style instead of a sterile white. Peach colored paint covered the walls while a rich green carpet covered the floor. Naruto further examined the room before noticed someone enter.

"What do you want Ero-Sennin?"

"Well, Tsunade sent me in here to inform you that you're wanted in the council chambers."

"I take it that I passed the test?"

"Don't know for certain, but most of the council was smiling, even Hiashi." Jiraiya paused to shudder slightly, "He creeped me out."

"Hmm, lead the way you perverted bastard."

Jiraiya glared at him but didn't say anything. Turning on his heel, he walked out the door he came in with Naruto in tow. As they walked Naruto realized that he must have been placed in one of the spare rooms in the Hokage tower.

After a few minutes of walking, the two found themselves standing in front of the two doors that led to the council chambers. Releasing the breath that he didn't even realize that he was holding, he pushed the doors open and entered the room.

----

Somewhere in Konoha…

Hanabi was searching the village for our blonde hero but could find no sign of him. Earlier that day she had spent a few hours with her sensei, trying to get tips on how to seduce a certain man. What she got was some tips and then some. Now she was sure that it would take years of psychological help to suppress the images that Anko and unknowingly planted in her subconscious. 'I mean did she seriously have to show me how to suppress my gag reflex?' Hanabi thought to herself as she jumped looking for her crush.

----

On the way down the dirt path road…

Shika sighed for the thirtieth time as he walked towards home. He wasn't sure why he agreed to bring Temari with him to meet Naruto. He wasn't even sure why she had the sudden interest in him now, but he wasn't going to worry about it now. After all he had a relaxing bath waiting for him.

----

Temari couldn't believe her eyes. 'This is Naruto's home? It's bigger than Gaara's!' she thought as she stared at the immense home. She couldn't help being impressed by its size but it had another endearing quality, it wasn't extravagant. She wanted to stare longer, but Shika began to pull on her arm, forcing her to follow him as he walked toward the front door. Stopping at the door, he turned to her.

"Naruto's currently taking a test to see if he can make Jounin. So he should be home in a couple hours at most. So I thought I'll give you a small tour and then we could play a few games of Shogi while we wait for him to return."

"Hmm," 'Didn't know Naruto was a Chuunin,' "Sounds like a plan."

Shika nodded and turned back to the door and began to open it, opening it just in time to get an eyeful of naked Kiba as he walked by. Seeing this, Shika quickly shut it, and turned to a wide eyed, blushing Temari.

"Could you give me a minute? I need to straighten something out really quick."

Temari nodded dumbly, not really paying attention to what he was saying. Her brain was working overtime to try and dispel a certain image from her memory. Shika just looked at the girl once more, before slipping into the house. Moments later sounds of a scuffle could be heard from behind the closed door before Shika opened it.

"You can come in now Temari, I straightened out our little _problem_."

Temari nodded once again before stepping into the house, doing her best to ignore the object that was covered by a sheet and twitching every now and then.

'What did I get myself into?' She thought as she followed Shika.

----

In the council chambers…

Naruto stood before the council once again, but he noticed that there were a lot more people there than there was. The newcomers looked at him with in contempt and he could hear them muttering, while the clan heads looked at him impassively, well all of them but Hiashi. He was smiling at Naruto and Jiraiya was right, it was creepy.

Leaning he over, he whispered into Jiraiya's ear. "What's the deal with the extra people? They don't look like ninja."

"They're not; those people are the civilian portion of the council. I have no idea why they were called here. You don't need their opinion if you made Jounin or not. Someone must have called them; maybe Tsunade is finally going to reveal your heritage."

"What?!" Naruto hissed out, "She told me I would be the one to reveal it whenever I felt people were ready."

"And when would that be?"

"When I'm Hokage, I mean how would you feel that the person, who you thought was hell incarnate and treated like trash since he was born, and became the strongest ninja in the village, also turned out to be the son of the man who saved them with his sacrifice?"

"You've been practicing saying that, haven't you?" Jiraiya deadpanned.

"Shut up"

"He he, thought so."

Naruto was contemplating strangling his mentor right there, but Tsunade's voice brought him out of his thoughts of murder.

"This meeting of the council has been called to order to discuss the results of the test Hiashi-san placed on Naruto Uzamaki to see if he's worthy of the rank of Jounin."

As soon as she said those words, uproar came from the civilians, much to Naruto's distaste.

"Tsunade-sama! You can't be serious?! That abomination shouldn't be a ninja, much less be made into Jounin!" A fat man yelled.

"Tage, I'll give you one warning. You are to be quiet unless you have something important to say. And I have a question, what are you and the rest of the civilian council members doing here? You have no say in militaristic matters."

"We received a message that we are to be here."

"Who was the message from?" Tsunade asked curiously.

"It was Hiashi-sama."

Tsunade turned from the man to look at Hiashi. 'What are you planning…?' Tsunade thought as she watched him carefully. He just sat there smiling.

"Whatever," Tsunade sighed out. "Now back to business. All in favor of promoting Naruto to Jounin?"

Immediately all the clan heads voted their approval, much to the dismay of Danzo and the others. Their votes wouldn't be enough to prevent Naruto's advancement.

Tsunade smiled at the results of the vote. Turning to Naruto, she grinned widely. "Looks like you're a Jounin brat. Congratulations! After this meeting, gather your two friends and come to my office so you can receive your vests."

Naruto just grinned. He was tempted to jump for joy but he didn't want to make himself look like an ass in front of all these people. He felt a hand smack his back and turned to see a grinning Jiraiya.

"You did well boy. You made your father proud today."

"Thanks old man. If it wasn't for you and the others, I wouldn't have been able to do it."

Jiraiya looked at him, feeling tears coming to his eyes. "Well now that you're a Jounin. I think both of us should go out in celebrate in our own special way later."

"You mean…"

"He he, make sure to bring the telescope."

Both of the men began to giggle perversely, drawing the attention of everyone in the room. Even Tsunade couldn't draw her gaze away from them. She was about to walk over when Hiashi called to her.

"Hokage, there is one more thing that has to be dealt with before Naruto can leave."

"What do you mean Hiashi?" Tsunade asked.

"I have something that I have to give Naruto." Hiashi said as he pulled a scroll from his sleeve. "Naruto could you come here for a moment?"

Naruto hesitated for a second before walking over to him. "What do you need of me, Hiashi-sama?"

"Naruto, I was told by your father to give this scroll to you when you reached the rank of Jounin. Minato gave this to me the night before he died in the battle."

"What's in it?"

"I don't know, my boy. It has a seal on it that only a blood relative could remove. Must be important enough to warrant a blood seal though."

Naruto looked at the man once more before looking down at the scroll. It was very simple looking if you looked past the intricate seal. Curiously he bit his thumb and pressed some blood to the seal, resulting in a large puff of smoke and the sound of cloth and metal hitting the floor. Naruto waited for the smoke to clear before reaching down to pick up what fell from the scroll. The first thing he noticed what the Konoha headband. The metal was aged and hand several cracks around the edges, but the cloth of the band looked new.

Glancing at the bundle of white cloth he held in his other hand, he pocketed the headband so he would have a free hand. Once that was done he examined the cloth, it was obviously something other than a mass of cloth. Holding it up, he watched it unroll, revealing that it was a cloak. He noted that it seemed to be white with a purple liner that extended past the white of the sleeves. The bottom of the cloak was finished with flames.

As Naruto turned it around, he noticed a paper flutter to the ground. Throwing the cloak over his arm, he bent and picked up the paper and began to read.

_'Naruto,_

_If __you're__ reading this you have made Jounin and I am no longer in the realm of the living. With that said, I don't really know what to say so I'll go with the old standbys. I can honestly say that __I'__m proud of you and that I'm truly sorry for the burden__ I have placed on you without your consent. I hope that you can truly forgive me for what I have done to you and hope you can understand the reason I had to. Enclosed in the scroll besides this letter is my __cloak__ along with my headband. I left them to you so you would have something of mine to remember me by__. It would honor me if you wore them both. Let this be known son, that your mother and I loved you, make us proud. _

_Your father, Minato Namikaze_

_P.S. you're probably reading this in the council chambers and the members now know your true heritage. Now with you being the last Namikaze, I'm sure the clan restoration act will be suggested. I'm sure you do not know what the act pertai__ns to so I will tell you. The clan restoration act was added to aid in the restoration of a clan when there is only one living member. It allows the person to participate i__n polygamy. My advice for you in__ this__ situation is this__. Live the dream son, live the dream!__'_

Naruto had begun to tear up as he read the letter, till he noticed the end. Now he stood there with, his left eye twitching in anger. 'Ok that proves it! Everyone I know is a pervert!' With a sigh, Naruto removed his mask from around his neck, and reached into his pocket and pulled out the headband, which he tied around his forehead. Once that was done he lifted the cloak from his arm and noticed that it had the kanji 'Yondaime Hokage' was emblazoned on the back. Slipping it on, he turned to face Tsunade with a questioning look, unknowingly flashing the back of the cloak to the rest of the council, causing chaos to ensue.

"What the hell is the meaning of this!? Danzo screamed at Hiashi when he saw what Naruto was wearing. "Why did you give that demon the Yondaime's cloak?!"

"Danzo, I gave the boy his father's scroll."

"What are you saying? There's no way that the demon brat is Minato's could be his son. He never married!" One of the unnamed civilian councilmen yelled out.

Inoichi spoke up, "Actually, Minato did have a wife, and her name was Kushina Uzamaki. I mean where did you think Naruto's surname came from?"

The man who spoke earlier immediately shut his mouth as Inoichi continued.

"I was one of the few that knew of their relationship. Minato didn't want it to become public knowledge due to the chance of Iwa taking vengeance on his family. It was this reason that Naruto's relation to him was kept under wraps."

"What proof do you have to back your claim?" Homura asked Inoichi.

"You mean besides the fact he just opened a blood seal that his father made? Christ, look at him right now and tell me he isn't the spitting image of Minato."

That shut Homura's mouth up before he could continue. It was even obvious to the disbelievers who Naruto looked like.

"Now that we settled that," Hiashi spoke, "There's the matter of sorting out Naruto's duty now that he knows about his clan."

Naruto just stood there and watched as the conversations continued. 'I don't like where this is heading…' thought Naruto as he listened to Hiashi.

----

At the Uzamaki household…

To say that Temari was impressed with Naruto's home would be an understatement. She loved the place. The inside was furnished simply but it gave the place a nice cozy feeling, then there was the onsen. Never in her life had she seen an outdoor bath that size and it was a private bath! She made sure to make a mental note to bring a bathing suit the next time she came so she could take a soak without worrying about Jiraiya, Kiba, and to a lesser extent, Naruto.

Then there was Itachi and Kisame. Those two really surprised her when she met them. Both of them were well mannered, polite, and generally nice. They seemed more like normal people than ex missing-nins. What really won her over was when Kisame offered her the one weakness all women shared…their love of all things sweet. That's right boys and girls, Kisame offered her cookies, and that's where we find her right now.

Temari was currently sitting across Shika, happily munching a cookie as she waited for him to make his move. As soon as he made his, she quickly countered and went back to her cookie. Eventually she had to bring up Naruto, even while she was in the middle of a good game of Shogi, her mind still drifted from the game on hand to the boy she had feelings for.

"So Shika, you think he passed his test?"

Shika spoke as he moved one of his pawns, "Naruto doesn't know the meaning of the word fail, Temari."

"So what's taking him so long? I mean when we made Jounin, we just had to wait to receive our flak vests."

"The council probably holding it up, his test was unorthodox in a way after all. Then you have the fact they probably know who his father was now."

"Why would they need to hold him back for that?" Temari asked as she reached for another cookie.

"His dad was a very important person here. I mean he was the Yondaime after all."

Temari nearly choked when she heard this. "You mean Naruto is a Namikaze?!"

"Yeah, I didn't know it till I stumbled across some paperwork when I was a Jounin intern at the Hokage's tower. Can't believe I didn't figure it out sooner, I mean Naruto is the spitting image of his old man."

That comment led Temari into a new train of thought. She had seen pictures of the Yondaime before. Hell she wrote a report on him when she was a student at the academy in Suna. Now she was remembering one particular picture. It was one that was taken while he was a member of ANBU. She could remember it clearly. He was dressed in the clothes that were typical of an ANBU minus the mask and the body armor. With that image she planted the images of what she knew and saw from Naruto. First she added Naruto's whiskers to the face, then the tattoos and seals slowly inked their way onto the bare flesh, a moment later the change was complete.

Now Temari studied the image, ignoring the blush that came to her face. As she pondered she felt warmth develop in her abdomen along with a release of some sort. Shifting her legs slightly, she could feel something slick on her thighs. Quickly realizing what had happened she felt her blush increase tenfold. 'Hope Shika doesn't notice…'

And notice he did. 'I know that blush, she's thinking of something perverted. Naruto, I worry for you my friend' Shika thought as he moved his queen to take her king.

"Checkmate"

"What?" Temari mumbled as she was brought from her thoughts. Looking down at the board, she saw that Shika won. With a grunt of disapproval she resorted to glaring at him.

"Hey now, it wasn't my thought you were distracted by naughty thoughts." Shika said with a hint of amusement. It was an unknown fact to his friends, but Shika lived to torment the girls close to him. A trait he picked up from Naruto from their academy days.

"What?! How dare you say things like that about me?" Temari screamed as she reached across the board to throttle the life out of him. He was almost in her grip when two voices behind her spoke.

"Twenty ryo he screams like a girl before he passes out."

"You're on"

Temari stopped her attempt of ending Shikimaru to turn to see Kisame and Itachi standing at the door, both of them wearing grins. Obviously amused at Temari's antics.

Kisame spoke first. "You two may continue."

"Meh, let's leave them alone to do whatever they were doing, no matter how amusing it may be. We do have to be at the Hokage's tower in fifteen minutes anyway." Itachi said as he turned to leave.

"I take it Naruto passed?" Shika asked as he scooted out of harming distance from Temari.

Kisame nodded, before he left as well, leaving the two ex lovebirds to their own. Once Kisame's footsteps could no longer be heard, Shika turned to Temari, a Naruto-like grin on his face.

"Looks like your lover boy isn't a Chuunin anymore."

Temari just gaped at him before unbridled rage came over her. With a scream that demanded blood, she lunged.

----

Back to our hero…

Naruto hated his life. Not only did his secret become public knowledge of the council, he had to sit there and listen to them bicker. Now this had only taken about an hour to get through the more stubborn ones. When that was over he had to listen to his so called new found 'duties' as the last Namikaze. He would have to take over his family's position among the clans and was forced to agree with some of the terms. He had to sit through any meeting that happened while he wasn't in the middle of a mission, much to his dismay. He also had to agree to use Namikaze as his surname, which really wasn't that big of a deal to him.

Then one of the civilian idiots brought up the one thing he hoped they would overlook. The damn fool suggested that he participated in the clan restoration act. Naruto hated the idea, if he had agreed to it. He would have been forced into a loveless marriage, with women he probably didn't even know much less love. Now while the idea of sleeping with several women was appealing to him in a way. He sure as hell wouldn't do it just for the sake of making little Narutos.

He could remember the look on the council's face when he told them no. Most of the men looked at him like he was nuts and probably were going so far to question his sexuality. He couldn't blame them if they did though, he probably would too if he saw a man pass up the chance to bed multiple women without any of the repercussions. Then he remembered the looks on the females of the council. They looked at him with something he wouldn't expect, they actually looked at him with respect, even Koharu. He had shown them that he was indeed better than the average male.

Smiling smugly at that thought, Naruto walked towards Tsunade's office. There he met Itachi and Kisame. After getting the obligatory congratulations out, they entered.

----

Tsunade sat at her desk filling out the paperwork that would reinstate Naruto as a Konoha Nin when the doors to her office opened, revealing a grinning trio. Gesturing to the three vests she laid on the sofa.

"There are your vests, congratulations."

"That's all you have to say?" Naruto asked as he removed his cloak to put on his vest.

"What? You expect a parade?"

"No… I just expected a more a cheerful attitude. Especially from you."

"Cheerfulness stopped after that damn meeting."

"Bah, was it my fault those old fools wanted to turn me into a man whore?"

Kisame let out a chuckle when he heard this, which he silenced as he felt Naruto's glares on him. Seeing that silence was once again brought to the room Tsunade continued.

"Now that the three of you are now Jounin, I have two options for you. The first is the three of you become Jounin instructors. The second one is you become just regular Jounins and do missions. Personally I think you guys should work as instructors. All of you have certain skills that would make the next generation the greatest one yet."

The three men were silent for a moment as they got in a huddle and discussed it, occasionally peaking up to glance at Tsunade before returning to their conversation. After a few minutes the huddle broke.

"We'll do it."

"Well that was a pleasant surprise. Since the academy classes don't end for another month so I guess you guys can think of this vacation."

"I guess that's ok. Still have plenty of money in my savings." Naruto said as he turned to leave, only to stop when Tsunade called for him.

"Naruto there is one more matter to discuss. It concerns your Jounin test."

"Hmm?"

"Naruto you may have passed the test, but it was obvious that you were struggling. I know it would have been a cakewalk if you were allowed to use the other skills you have in your possession, but your Taijutsu is terrible. You know as well as I do that there may be times in battle that you're forced into hand to hand combat and it wouldn't look good to your students if their sensei got his ass beat."

"So what are you saying?" Naruto asked as he thought of murder and how to dispose a body of a certain old woman.

"Well… I took it upon myself to get you a teacher to school you in proper Taijutsu."

"May I ask who?"

"You'll meet him tomorrow when you meet your fellow Jounins. You will be training with him for the next month, after that you will be training with him when your Genin team and his don't have any missions. With that said; you can leave now but I need to speak with Itachi and Kisame privately."

Naruto glanced at her then to his friends before heading home. He had a hot shower and a relaxing night of reading waiting for him when he got back. Once Naruto could no longer be heard, Tsunade reached into her desk and pulled out two headbands and tossed them to the pair in front.

"Now you two are officially Konoha Nin, but that wasn't all I needed to speak to you two about. Now, Jiraiya would you mind coming out?" Tsunade asked the wall that was behind her.

Jiraiya released the jutsu, revealing that he was in the room the whole time, before breaking into a shit eating grin. "Boys, we got a proposition for you."

----

A/N: Well another chapter up for you guys. As always read and review. No rants this time other than being sick really sucks.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer/Legend: See first chapter

----

Continuation from last chapter…

"So will you two help us?" Jiraiya asked, already knowing the answer.

Kisame looked at his partner in crime before glancing at the older man. "Oh yeah, we're in. This is too good of blackmail material to let slip through our fingers"

After this was said, the two ex Akatsuki members began to laugh, which Tsunade and Jiraiya joined in. now this wasn't a happy joyful laugh, this was a laugh that every stereotypical super villain did when they plotted to blow up the planet. Let's just agree it wasn't the most comforting thing to hear.

----

Same time as the evil laughter but outside the newly renamed Namikaze household…

Naruto was reaching for his door when he shuddered. Now this was a new experience for our hero, he often received chilling feelings, but he never openly shuttered before. 'I sense a disturbance in the force…" Naruto thought as he entered his home. The first thing he noticed was the two piles of bloody flesh that seemed to be playing cards with Kyuubi at his kitchen table. Upon closer inspection, he realized he was just looking at Shika and Kiba.

"What the hell happened to you two?" Naruto asked as he placed his cloak over the back of one of the chairs.

"Shika" "Temari" Both answered at the same time.

"Hmm," Naruto mumbled out as he walked over to the fridge to get a drink. "Temari was here?"

Shika nodded as he sat his straight flush down on the table. "She wanted to see you, so I invited her over."

"Still doesn't explain the beating, Shika." Naruto stated as he took a long swig out of the orange juice container.

Shika spoke as he began to deal a new hand of cards. "Temari did it, but it would be too troublesome to give the details."

"What time she go home?"

"She didn't" Shika stated as he glanced down at his hand.

"So… where is she?"

"Shika put her in one of the spare rooms for the night," Kiba said as he threw a few bills on the table. "I'll see your ten ryo and raise it to fifteen."

Naruto watched as Shika and Kyuubi folded while Kiba dragged the pot to himself. 'Idiots' Naruto thought as he put the juice back in the fridge. "I think I'm going to hit the sack after a hot shower."

"See ya in the morning man." Kiba said as he won another hand. "Come on you bastards, at least try to win some, or you two going turn into the new generation of the 'Legendary Suckers'?"

Naruto just shook his head as he made his way towards his room to grab his sleeping clothes. Now if he had turned around at least once, he would've noticed the look the three had plastered on their faces, and would've realized they were up to something…

----

Naruto felt a hundred times better as he got out of the shower. Not only did he feel refreshed, but he also rid him of the scent of perspiration. A man can only tolerate his stench only so long before he must intervene. After drying off, Naruto eyed his sleepwear. While it normally consisted of a pair of boxers and a pair of pajama bottoms, Naruto decided against putting on the pants. The day had been hot, and the night made no sign of cooling down. Throwing his pajama bottoms over his shoulder, Naruto headed to his room.

Once there, he threw his unnecessary clothes on his dresser and walked over to his window. He thought about opening it slightly to let a breeze in, but decided against it. He knew that raving nympho of an Oto Nin was still out there and the seal on the window was the only thing that was keeping him safe when there were no witnesses to tell his friends that he was kidnapped. Shuddering at the memory of the night prior, Naruto flopped down on his bed. Not bothering to cover up, he pulled one of his _pillows _to his chest and fell into a deep slumber.

----

Outside Naruto's room…

Three pairs of eyes watched the sleeping form of Naruto before glancing at the second figure that lay in his bed. Smiling due to the fact their plan was advancing smoothly, they left the two to sleep. As the three figures walked down to their own rooms, the tallest one spoke.

"I got to give it to you Kyuu. Naruto didn't even notice the genjutsu you placed on him so he thought Temari was one of his pillows. Now I got to remember to bring a camera for when those two wake up tomorrow."

Kyuubi grinned as Shika complimented his skill in the Kitsune arts. As he walked he noticed the smaller of the two humans seemed to have a sullen look, something that didn't fit the Inuzuka boy.

"What's with you, kid?"

"This doesn't seem right. I mean it's going to be funny and all in the morning, but what if Temari seriously hurts Naruto. I mean look what she did to Shika." Kiba said as he gestured to Shika's injuries.

"Bah, the brat will be fine. Think of it as payback for all the pranks he did to you over the years. Even if she does do a number on him, he'll still heal up just fine. I'd advise we make ourselves scarce if that goes down though. None of you seen the brat when he was truly pissed."

Hearing this, both of the ninja shivered slightly. They had bared witness to Naruto's childish anger before, but he's changed a lot since then. For all they knew Naruto could go psycho crazy on them tomorrow. With that thought placed in their heads, the three headed to their own rooms and went to bed.

----

The next morning…

Naruto sighed happily as he felt the warmth from the morning sun. While he was a morning person by nature, the secure comfort that his bed provided didn't want to make him open his eyes. Hugging his pillow tighter to his torso, he heard a sigh. 'Ok, as far as I know, pillows don't sigh' Naruto thought to himself as he rapped his fingers on his pillow This caused the pillow to giggle sleepily. 'Ok, now I know pillows don't giggle, we'll that weird one Jiraiya has does, but I sure as hell know that isn't in my bed.'

Naruto opened his eyes in time to see a sleeping Temari in his arms. But like all things good, they must come to an end. Naruto had just enough time to form one thought before a fist collided with his face. 'Is she wearing my shirt?'

----

Temari had the best night of sleep in a long time. It started with a bed that seemed as soft as a cloud that also had a pleasant scent. Then she felt a presence of someone who made her feel safe, something she hasn't felt since her mother's death. With these factors together, it didn't take her long to feel the sweet embrace of sleep.

Now she was in for a true surprise come morning, especially when she felt herself being held in a pair of arms that exuded protectiveness. Slowly sighing, she felt herself settle into the stranger's arms. When she felt a few fingers rap over her most ticklish spots, she couldn't suppress the giggle that burst forth. Opening her eyes, she saw the owner of the arms that held her and the source of the tickling.

Lying next to her was the man she saw in the hardware store, who she later found out was the focus of her mission. Taking a moment to study the features of his face, Temari soon realized the position she was in. It was more akin to lovers than two distant friends, if they can even be called that. They were more like acquaintances, and that sure as hell didn't help her situation. So she did what every woman in the Naruverse did. She slugged the closest offending male, which unfortunately was our hero.

----

"What the hell hit me?" Naruto asked out loud as he held his nose. Moving it slightly, Naruto could feel the cartilage grind against the bone, proving that it was broken, if the profuse bleeding wasn't enough.

"That's what you get for trying to molest me in my sleep!" said a shrill voice.

Naruto looked up to see a fuming blonde, glaring at him. Examining her further, he saw that she was indeed wearing one of his old shirts, which was much too small for him and didn't even go past the girl's waist, allowing him to see her boy short style panties. Once that sight was forever banked away for future reference, his brain went to work on a witty reply….

"I molested you?! You're the one that was sleeping in my bed! Now I want to know how you hid yourself from me last night. I know, sure as hell, that you weren't there when I went to sleep." Naruto yelled.

Temari just stood there, not speaking a word. 'Did he just accuse me of sneaking into his bed?' she asked herself. 'Shika told me this was a spare room that Naruto used for storage, hence the dresser full of clothes.' As she pondered her thoughts, something in her mind clicked, she was set up.

"Shika…" she growled out as she looked at the door.

"Huh?" Naruto questioned as he shoved tissues in his nose, hoping it would staunch the blood.

"Shikimaru told me this was a spare room that I could use for the night. Seems like the resident genius set us up." Temari said as she cracked her knuckles.

Naruto just sat there on the floor taking in what Temari told him. Then a look of anger crossed his features. 'That cheeky little bastard' Naruto thought to himself as he plotted Shika's demise. He sat there in thought, more specifically where he could possibly hide a body, when he noticed a hand in front of his face.

"Here, let me help you up." Temari said in gentle voice, replacing the banshee screech she used when she woke up, "It's my fault that you got knocked out of the bed."

Naruto looked at her for a moment. Naruto may still be an idiot at times, but that didn't mean he knew how the world works, and one of those things that he learned was no women admits that they are at fault for anything. Temari was up to something.

"Are you going to sit there all day?" Temari said, the anger slowly rising in her voice.

Naruto gave her one quick glance before raising his right hand for her to take. With some effort, the girl managed to pull the large man up. Once he was standing back up, he noticed that Temari hadn't let go of his hand.

"Um… Temari?"

"Hmm…"

"You can let go of my hand now."

"But it's so soft. Why is your hand so soft?" She asked as she rubbed her thumb over his palm.

Naruto chuckled nervously while using a foot to discreetly slide a container of hand lotion and an old, dog eared copy of Jiraiya's book back under his bed.

"He he, don't know what you're talking about. Anyways I have to meet with my Taijutsu teacher today and I'm not sure what time. So I need to get ready." Naruto said, changing the subject, as he removed the tissues from his nose and walked over to his dresser.

He thought about asking Temari to leave the room for a moment so he could change, but decided not to. She was in a similar state of undress as he was and he sure as hell wasn't going to subject to two super perverts and a pervert in training (AKA Jiraiya, Kakashi, and Kiba).

----

Temari just stood there watching Naruto's back as he rummaged through his dresser looking for something to wear for the day. As she watched him, she realized that he stood a head well over her. A huge change from the last time she met him. She also noticed that his seals seemed to cover his whole body. He was almost completely covered in them, even the back of his legs had seals running along them. She knew how sealing worked and that most ninjas went as far to place the seals upon their own bodies, but she never has seen any that went through the extent that Naruto did.

She walked over to get a better look of his seals. Looking at them closer, she was aware there was a difference between the seals besides the patterns. Most of them looked like tattoos, but several looked like they were actually engraved into his skin. That was something that Temari had never actually seen before. Without a hint of warning, she reached forward and traced her finger along the seal that stretched across his back. She didn't notice that the flesh shuddered at her touch. She paid it no attention though as her touch proved that she was right, the seal went deeper than a normal tattoo. She could even feel the slight unevenness in the skin.

As she touched him, a certain perverted part of her mind came to life. If one had been able to see this side of her, you would have assumed it was an alternate personality. This side of Temari had made itself know at the onset of puberty, but Temari managed to force it into submission with will power alone, but now it decided to make its reappearance. Inner Temari, as this being was called, giggled perversely as she reviewed her host's most recent, sexually charged memories. With that out of the way, Inner Temari watched the actions of her host before letting out a small comment that turned her host an interesting shade of red.

**'****Textured… for your**** pleasure…****'**

----

Naruto was looking through his dresser for something that would be comfortable and could take some abuse. He had an idea who his taijutsu instructor would be and knew he was in for one hell of a day. After rummaging through various shirts he found something suitable. He reached to grab a red shirt when he felt the air around him shift slightly. That was one thing he loved about having an unnaturally high affinity to the wind element. He would always be aware of his surroundings.

While he knew he wasn't in any danger, the air didn't have a tense feeling to it; he still wouldn't have expected Temari to feel him up. He expected that kind of stuff from regular girls, not from someone that he knew as a serious person.

He shuddered under her touch as she ran a finger down the seal went along his spine. Her touch felt incredible, it seemed to be a mix of ice cold touch and electrical current. Biting back a moan, he felt himself melt under her touch. Then without warning she stopped. While he knew it was for the best, he was missing it already. Turning around, he saw that she was blushing, but wasn't looking at him.

'Think she just realized what she had done' Naruto thought to himself as he started to walk by her, clothes in hand. He was just going to slip by her while she was dazed, but memory of what had transpired moments ago forced him into a mindset of revenge. 'Time for some payback' Naruto thought as he walked up to the girl. Leaning forward, while making sure his face barely grazed hers, he whispered into her ear.

"Don't take too long getting dressed babe, I'll have breakfast waiting."

Her reaction was priceless; it started as her blush deepening greatly as he leaned in close, to ending with what seemed as a brain meltdown. All in all, it was worth the effort. With that done, Naruto slipped out of his room and snuck towards the kitchen, thoughts of more painful revenge going through his head.

----

To his disappointment the kitchen was empty, no Shika to bust up, no Kiba to screw with. Even the fox was missing. With no one around aside from the girl in his bedroom, Naruto quickly changed into his clothes, before beginning to work on breakfast. As he grabbed an onion from the fridge, he noticed a note stuck to the front of it. Holding the onion under his chin and grabbing a small block of cheese, he read the letter. All it contained was mention that Itachi ran off again and that Kisame would meet him at the Jounins lounge later, he also mentioned that his meeting would take place at noon, though Kisame had no idea where.

----

Temari just stood there a few moments trying to figure out what happened. One minute Naruto acted like she wasn't even the room, the next he acted like they were newlyweds. It just didn't make any sense. This train of thought led her into a debate with her perverted side.

**'Oh come on, you know you like him. You even forgot to berate him for his perverseness.'**

'What are you talking about?! I'm just here to work on the mission, the fact that he's incredible looking,' Temari said mentally before realizing what she just let slip. 'Not that it matters!' She quickly added.

**'Hah! I knew you had it for him, not that I can blame you. You saw his body, all you need is a little honey, whip cream and you're set.'**

**'…'**

**'You know I'm right.'**

Temari just blushed deeper and willed her other side back into whatever abyss it had been in for the last ten years. Once she could no longer feel its presence, she quickly got dressed and left the room to meet with her host. As she shut the door, she caught a scent that was heavy in the air. At first it seemed strong and assaulted her, but as she got used to it she could discern what it was. The strongest was the scent of onions, followed by butter, there was something else but she couldn't place it.

Walking into the kitchen, she was greeted with a sight she would never have believed was possible. There, sitting at the table was Naruto who was hidden behind a newspaper aside from a tuft a hair that peaked over the top. She noticed movement and expected Naruto to greet her but he just reached for a cup of what appeared to be coffee. As she looked on she took notice of what laid on the table. She saw a plate with an omelet that was made with onions and shredded cheese, next to it laid two pieces of toast with a small jar of preserves. Beside it was a simple glass of orange juice.

'No way did Naruto make this all. Last I heard he was an all time ramen freak.'

"You going to stand there all day or you going to sit down and eat before your food gets cold?" Naruto said, not even looking away from his paper.

Temari quickly sat down and looked at her food wearingly. It looked okay, but it could look like it belonged in a five star restaurant and still taste like garbage. Deciding to forgo the chopsticks for the fork and knife beside the plate, she cut a small piece, and lifted it to her mouth before she glanced at the man who sat across from her.

"Did you make this?"

She watched as the paper shifted so she could see a pair of blue eyes looking at her, one of the eyebrows twitching slightly in what can be only anger.

Naruto looked at her for a moment before he spoke. "Do you see anyone else here to make you breakfast?"

Temari gave the man a quick glance before she placed the bit of food in her mouth and chewed slowly. As soon as she swallowed she quickly cut another piece and threw all the kunoichi-like grace to the wind, eliciting a chuckle from Naruto as he watched her eat with reckless abandon.

"I take it you like?" Naruto said around a smile.

"Hmm?" Temari mumbled out around a mouthful of egg.

"Thought ladies were better mannered when it came to food?"

Temari blushed and wiped her mouth with a provided napkin. She straightened out to look more proper but a burp ruined the effect. This of course got our resident cook/hero chuckling louder, which only added fuel to the fire that was Temari's face.

"I didn't know you could cook so well." Temari said as she nibbled on a piece of toast, hoping the change in subject would relieve some of her embarrassment.

"Learned from the best." Naruto said as he sat his paper down before grabbing Temari's other piece of toast.

"I take it Kisame taught you?"

"You could say that…" Naruto said as he thought back to his first 'teaching' session with blue skinned man.

----

Six years prior…

The camp was neat as it always had been. Kisame was a bit of clean freak while the Uchiha was in a word, a pig. There, next to the fire sat two men. The larger of the two sat there staring into the fire for a few moments before he spoke.

"Naruto, my boy, I think it's time to learn to truly fend for yourself."

The smaller of the two instantly perked up.

"You mean you're going to train me in the use of some new cool jutsu?"

"No" Was the man's simple reply.

"What?!"

"I'm going to teach you how to cook."

"You can't be serious; I already know how to cook."

"Putting a kettle on the stove to boil is not cooking, Naruto."

Naruto just scowled at the man. It was like experiencing the training trip with Jiraiya. He helped that old bastard with his 'research' more than he actually trained. He was hoping this wouldn't be a repeat of that.

"So what are we going to do?"

Kisame just smiled and reached into his cloak, pulling out a package wrapped in brown paper. Unwrapping it, he revealed it contained two large chunks of meat that looked like they literally came from the animal only minutes before.

"Step one: Ingredients preparation. Now these, Naruto are beef tenderloins." Kisame said as he gestured to the two pieces of meat. "As you can see these are far from being ready to eat. I'm going to show you how to trim them in preparation for consumption."

Naruto just gave the man a funny look but didn't speak. He just sat there watching as the man trimmed fat and gristle away. Kisame did his best to take his time in showing Naruto the proper ways of preparing it. Taking his time he explained what he was doing, and what he was trimming off. After a few minutes work, Kisame presented with Naruto with perfectly prepped tenderloin.

"Now Naruto, I showed you how to do this and want you to do the same thing to the other piece of meat while I go retrieve some water."

Naruto just looked down at the piece of meat before looking at Kisame's retreating form. Giving the piece of meat one more glance before he took a kunai from his pouch and began to work.

----

It didn't take long for Kisame to return with a pail of water. The man wanted to see if Naruto was capable of doing a simple task. He made it a point to take his time when he had showed the boy, since he seemed to work best through observation. It didn't manner how many times you explained anything to the brat he wouldn't get it, but show him how it's done and he'll have down.

Pulling away from his thoughts, Kisame continued his trek to the camp. There he was greeted by a smiling, if a little bloodier than he should be, Naruto, holding out the item he was tasked with. Giving the boy a small smile, he took the chunk of meat from him and inspected it.

'Good he trimmed all the fat away with wasting as little meat as possible.'

Turning it over he noticed something that should be one of the first things removed, a small strip of silver skin. (For those who never butchered an animal or have done their own meat processing, silver skin is something that covers some muscle tissue. I, myself am not sure what it exactly does but I know this. If you leave it on and cook it, it will become very tough and sometimes even shrink. Either way it's not something I would want to eat.)

Heaving a sigh, Kisame prepared himself to do what his mother did to him when he messed up in the kitchen. That was to smack some sense into him, either with a wooden spoon or even a fish. Raising his arm, the piece of meat in hand, he began to give his lesson.

----

Back to the present…

Naruto shivered slightly as he remembered Kisame's cooking 'lessons.' This of course, drew the attention from the young women across from him.

"You okay Naruto-kun?"

'Kun?' The blonde haired man thought to himself as he looked at the girl.

"I'm fine, was just thinking of the past. By the way how was your breakfast?"

"It was delicious. I honestly wouldn't mind eating this every morning."

Naruto smiled at the complement while being completely oblivious to what she could possibly be insinuating.

"Well I'm glad you appreciate it, unlike others…" Naruto said as he thought of Kiba, the goddamn mutt ate anything with equal abandon.

Sighing as he thought of his friend and now roommate, he got up and cleaned off the table, unaware at the pair of eyes that were staring at his back intently.

----

Temari watched as Naruto worked, dumping the scraps into a waste bin and began to wash the dishes.

'He can cook, he can clean, Christ he's perfect boyfriend material.'

**'You got that right sister!'**a cheerful voice said as it agreed with her.

'What are you doing back out?'

**'You think you can keep me contained with all these naughty thoughts going through your head? You're in for another thing.'**

'I take it you're going to be around a lot more' Temari deadpanned.

**'You know it, but enough worrying about me. If I were you,**** I would focus on the blonde Adonis**** that's sitting across from you now.'**

Temari glanced to see her inner self wasn't wrong, as she saw Naruto sitting back across from her, drinking another cup of coffee and watching her.

----

After finishing the finishing his coffee, he returned to looking at his guest. She seemed to be deep in thought at the moment, allowing him to look at her face. She had changed greatly in the years that Naruto hasn't seen her. She used to have rounder features, something common in with many fifteen year old girls. Now she was left with a face of pure beauty, high cheekbones with skin that was slightly tanned, all without a blemish or minor scars, a sign of her skill as a kunoichi.

Looking slightly higher, Naruto took notice of her hair. When she was younger her hair had a slightly darker tone of blonde than Naruto's but now it almost matched his in shade, most likely the result of constant exposure to the sun in Suna. One thing he surmised while she was pretty when she was younger, she was absolutely gorgeous now. Not that he would ever let her know that. He knew the ways of women, while they love receiving compliments; they loved bragging to their friends about said compliments more. He didn't need Gaara catching wind of him having somewhat unwholesome thoughts about his sister and crushing his limbs.

"So what's Gaara been up to?" Naruto asked, hoping to get a conversation going.

"Not much, been crying about the evils of paperwork."

Naruto spoke with a chuckle "So he really did make Kage then?"

"Yeah, never thought he'd be the whining type, he knew what he would be getting into when accepted the position."

"Can't say I'm envious though." Naruto added.

"What was that? I don't think I heard you right, did you just say you were ok with Gaara making Kage before you?" Temari said as she made a gesture that she was hard of hearing.

"Yeah yeah, laugh it up."

"Oh come on now, can't you take a little teasing. Sakura said that you always dreamed about being the Hokage. Don't tell me you gave up on your dream."

"I didn't give up anything. I just matured a little bit."

Temari just looked at him, before bursting into a fit of snickers that evolved into guffaws. Leaving Naruto to glare at her, before he started smirking himself.

"I can't… believe…" Temari wheezed out between laughs, "That you actually called yourself mature!"

Naruto had the decency to look hurt at her comment but the smile on his face betrayed him.

"Are you saying I'm immature Temari-Chan?"

Temari looked at him as her laughter died down slightly. She took an extra moment to compose herself before speaking. "Naruto, all I have to go by is the memory of the loud brat from the Chuunin exam years ago." 'Cute but loud' she added in her mind.

"So you thought I was cute eh?" Naruto asked; playfulness present in his voice.

-----

Temari just gaped. 'I didn't say that out loud did I?'

Inner Temari spoke in a tone that promised teasing. **'Yeah, you did, bout time you admitted to your desires.' **

'I don't like him like that!'

**'Could've fooled me, especially with all the fantasies floating around here.'**

'I am not fantasizing about him damn it!'

**'So you're saying one about him taking you on the kitchen counter is my imagination then?'**

'Yes'

**'I would call you a liar then. I couldn't think of that in my wildest dreams****…'**

'You're the pervert here, not I.'

**'I don't believe you.'**

'I don't care.'

**'I think you want hump him till the cows come home.'**

'No I don't.'

**'Yes you do.'**

'No I don't.'

**'Yes you do.**

Inner Temari just sighed as she argued with herself. It was times like this that required the use of the old reverse psychology.

**'No you don't to have sex with Naruto.'**

'Yes I do.'

'**No you don't'**

"Yes! I want Naruto to have his filthy way with me, on the counter, on the table, even against the fridge! I want him to make me the woman that Shika never did!" She shouted with all her might.

-----

Naruto just stared in wonder as the girl fell into another bout of silence after his comment. Seeing that she wouldn't be speaking for awhile, Naruto decided to get himself another cup of coffee. With that done he sat back in his chair and watched in amusement as several emotions crossed across Temari's face.

'Wonder if that's how I looked when I was arguing with Kyuu?' Naruto thought as he lifted his mug to his lips…

"Yes! I want Naruto to have his filthy way with me, on the counter, on the table, even against the fridge! I want him to make me the woman that Shika never did!" Temari suddenly shouted, causing Naruto to bite through his mug, nearly cutting the end of his tongue off.

Choking as he felt hot coffee go down the wrong pipe. The man could do all but stare at the girl after that outburst. At least the young woman had a look of embarrassment on her face.

"Did I say that out loud?" Temari meekly asked.

Naruto just sat there, pounding a fist against his chest as he stared at her, not believing what he just heard. Seeing that he could breathe again, he spoke.

"Yeah… Didn't know you felt that way about me, considering you don't really know me that well." Naruto said as he glanced down at the table top. Not a wise choice after hearing what he did, as an image of a naked Temari beckoning to him.

'Ero thoughts bad got to remember she could kill me or worse, she might castrate me!' Naruto roared to himself mentally as he turned to look at counter. An even more disturbing image came from that action.

'Where the hell did that come from? I heard that women tended to have mood swings, but that was nuts!'

"Naruto…" Temari started to say, trying to come to terms to what she had just admitted, pain slightly evident in her voice, tears coming to her eyes. "I understand if you want me to leave."

Naruto thought process shifted to a manageable pace when he heard those words. He may have been an idiot in the past, but he wasn't one now. While he would still think of himself as dense in certain situations, he could tell that the girl across from his was a bit emotional. It fell on him to at least comfort her. Reaching across the table, he grasped one of hands and began to rub the flesh that lay between her thumb and forefinger.

"It's ok Temari. You don't need to cry."

The girl sniffled lightly before smiling at him. Instantly making him feel a little bit better and putting the past incident behind them. Marveling at how soft her hand felt, Naruto tightened his grip slightly, causing the girl to blush at the intimate contact. Naruto didn't care though; he hated seeing girls cry and would do anything in his power to fix it.

"So Temari…" He began, "You and the lazy ass dated?"

Temari nodded before speaking. "We dated for a couple weeks before realizing that we just had a crush on each other."

"Sorry to hear that couldn't really imagine him in a relationship though. He would end up having the girl do everything." Naruto said as he winked suggestively at the end of the sentence. Causing Temari to giggle a little bit, making him smile a little bit wider.

"Thank you, Naruto."

"You're welcome Temari, but can I ask you something?"

"Hmm?"

"Why would you want a guy like me to do that kind of stuff with you?"

Temari felt herself flushed as she realized what Naruto was asking her. She thought of way to lie but soon realized she couldn't bring herself to do it.

"Naruto I'm going to be completely honest with you. When I first met you, I thought you were a loudmouth brat, but after you spared Gaara after the Chuunin exam I saw something that rarely exists in our line of career. I saw compassion, I saw a boy who would put his life on hold so he could better the lives of those around him." Temari said as she got up and walked over to where Naruto was sitting. Using her leg, she moved his chair back far enough to allow her to settle into his lap.

"You did something for my little brother that no one had ever done. You gave him his humanity back and for that you will always have my gratitude. When we returned to Suna, all Gaara would talk about was you. How you had a life similar to him but you never let it get to you. I still don't understand what he meant, but whatever it was, it brought a change in Gaara."

Naruto just sat there dumbfounded as Temari opened her soul to him. While he winced when he heard her talk about how Gaara and he were similar, as both were containers for the Bijuu, he was glad that Gaara didn't really reveal anything to her. While those thoughts ran through his mind as he listened to her speak, he noted something else. The girl sitting in his lap felt nice, he didn't even feel the nervousness that he felt when he was in close, intimate contact with a woman. 'It just feels… right' Naruto thought to himself as he listened to the girl speak.

"Now after all these years I get to see you again, have a chance to find out what makes you, you. Add to the fact your quite attractive is a nice bonus."

Naruto just sat there speechless. No one had ever wanted to find out what made him the man he was today. He had been called attractive before though, but those comments were mostly driven by lust from the fairer sex. Something he didn't like. He couldn't understand how a relationship could be based on lust alone, but it apparently happened to a special few.

"Naruto?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you." Temari said as she wrapped her arms around him, "Thank you for listening to me. It was really sweet of you."

Naruto sat there, taking in what he heard when he felt it. Those soft lips pressed against his. 'Is she?… Oh my god she is!' Naruto thought wildly as he felt himself melt into the foreign sensation.

-----

"Thank you." Temari said as she wrapped her arms around him, "Thank you for listening to me. It was really sweet of you."

**'You should kiss him.'**

For once she didn't argue. Pulling Naruto closer she kissed him gently on the mouth. Temari could feel when Naruto hitched his breath. Smiling inwardly, she deepened the kiss. After a long minute he released him and admired the man before her. The effect of kiss linger long after it ended. Naruto just sat there unmoving, eyes staring into the nothingness. Giggling slightly, Temari flicked his nose, getting the reaction she wanted.

"You… kissed me…"

"Yes, I did. Are you telling me you didn't enjoy it?" Temari asked with a mock pout, her attitude a complete one eighty from what it was minutes before.

"No! Nothing like that, just never would've expected to be kissed by such a beautiful woman." Naruto said as he waved his hands in placating gesture.

"So you think I'm beautiful do you?" Temari asked with a hint a teasing.

"Of course, one would have to be an idiot not to."

"So you don't think I'm pretty then?" Temari said with a pout.

"I didn't say that!" Naruto shouted before realizing that was she teasing him. "Hey I'm not an idiot…"

Temari didn't give him a chance to finish before she covered his mouth with another kiss. It was an odd experience for her. While she could understand that Naruto would lack experience, he seemed to make up with technique. Either way she was happy with the efforts. It would be two minutes later when both felt the need for air.

Withdrawing her lips, Temari sucked in a quick breath as she examined his face. The signs of the boy that used to exist years prior were still evident. He had a look of pure innocence; that was betrayed by the slyness his whisker like marks added. His eye were still seemed that deep shade of blue she remembered, but upon closer examination, Temari realized they we're actually slightly violet. Not that anyone would notice from a distance.

"So are we like a couple now?" Naruto asked.

Temari sat there for a moment, a finger placed against her lower lip in thought.

"I wouldn't say we're a couple yet. I would put more like we're really close friends." Temari said as she noticed disappointment flash across Naruto's eyes. "But, we could become one, if you really want. Both of us would have to put in some effort. You know the standards, a date here and there, getting to know one another better."

"I would like to try Temari-chan."

"As would I, Naruto-kun. But I believe it's time for me to leave. I mean it's almost eleven you know?"

"What?!" Naruto suddenly shouted, glancing at the clock to confirm his fear. He was supposed to go to the Jounin lounge and meet with new instructor at the training fields within an hour.

Temari sat there in amusement as Naruto flailed his arms wildly. She had to admit, his childish ways still shown through. Getting up from his lap, she watched as he rushed from the kitchen to his room to grab his supplies in a manic. She giggled openly when he smacked the top of his head in the top of his door jam. Sighing lightly she thought of her mission, she knew she couldn't just sleep with him. Not without pursuing a relationship first, sure the thoughts of him nude caused her to blush and stutter like a preteen, but she owed him more than that.

-----

"Stupid standard doorframes, stupid little normal people…" Naruto muttered darkly as rubbed his sore forehead.

He had forgotten that the doors to the bedrooms were actually smaller than the rest of the house as he hurried, resulting in a self inflicted blow that would have knocked a lesser man out cold. Growling to himself, he strapped on his kunai holster and put on his Jounin vest, before heading back to the kitchen. He was half way there when he felt himself being twisted around. Only to find himself captured in a kiss.

'I could get used to this' Naruto thought as he returned the kiss.

"The earlier ones were my way of thanking you; that one… was because I wanted to." Temari said as she stuck her tongue out at him as she walked towards his front door.

Naruto watched her walk away, noticing how her hips swayed with every step, the motion mesmerizing him.

"I'll see you tomorrow Naruto-kun."

"I'll be waiting." Naruto said to the girl as she left. Naruto stood there for a moment, forgetting the task at hand, before realization kicked in. "Shit! I'm going to be late."

-----

Naruto sped across the rooftops in search of his destination. To the onlookers below it seemed like a flash of yellow was leaping over the alleyways with no idea where it was going, and they wouldn't be wrong. After making his second loop around the market district, Naruto realized he had no idea where the Jounin lounge was. Sighing he looked for anyone that could help, give him directions at least, but the rooftops seemed deserted.

'Damn this time of peace. If this was years prior, this place would be covered with ninja.'

Naruto thought about cursing his luck to the heavens when he felt the air around him shift. Turning quickly he caught a glance of black, the shine of a porcelain mask. Realizing that he saw an Anbu, he did what he always did. He shouted at the top of his lungs.

"Yo Anbu-san!"

The Anbu stopped his leap before turning towards Naruto. Shaking his head he leapt towards the young man.

Naruto smiled to himself as he saw the masked figure come closer to him. Now that the figure was in front, Naruto was a little surprised, for the Anbu wore a mask that was painted like a bear and was a few centimeters short of him if that. A size that wasn't common in this part of the world.

"Can I help you Namikaze-san?" a feminine voice asked, causing Naruto to do a double take.

"You, You're a woman?" Naruto asked, his previous question forgotten. This caused the woman to chuckle lightly.

"I take it you thought I was a man, Namikaze-san?"

"I'm sorry Kuma-san, but I didn't mean to insult. I just thought you were a man considering your size. I mean it's not that common for a man to be that large, much less a woman."

"I can assure you that I'm all women, Namikaze-san." Kuma said with a hint of seductiveness, causing Naruto to blush.

"I…I trust you Kuma-san but could you help me for a moment?"

Kuma nodded and gestured for him to continue, much to his relief.

"You don't happen to know where the Jounin lounge is?"

Kuma nodded once again and gestured to the building the two were standing on.

"We're standing on it kiddo."

Naruto bowed to her in thanks before leaping to the alley below. Leaving the Kuma to watch his retreating form.

"Wait till the girls hear about that guy when I return to headquarters." Kuma said to no one before she returned to her patrol.

-----

Naruto opened the side door of the building and made his way to what he assumed was the main room. As he walked he saw various Jounins, some he had recognized in passing while others he didn't know. One thing held true though, all the female Jounin eyed with a look that radiated lust. 'Serves me right for forgetting my mask at home I suppose.'

Soon he had found the main lounge, only to be greeted by a smoking Ibiki that was reading the paper. The older man didn't seem to sense his arrival as he continued reading. Naruto didn't care though; he saw something that took his full attention. There on the table before Ibiki, sat a pack of cigarettes along with a lighter. Rational thought thrown to the wind, Naruto grabbed the pack, pulled one out and had it lit in less than five seconds.

"You know you could have asked me if you could bum a smoke Naruto." Ibiki said as he tilted the paper to look at his younger friend.

Naruto didn't answer. He just stood there savoring the light headedness that came with that first rush of nicotine of the day. Exhaling the smoke through his nostrils, Naruto took a seat across from Ibiki.

"You make it sound like you don't like me. I'm honestly hurt."

Ibiki chuckled deeply as he sat the paper down.

"Cut it out Naruto, you know I think of you as a younger, albeit dense, brother."

"Your words, they wound me to the soul."

"Jokes aside Naruto, aren't you supposed to meet with a fellow Jounin?"

"Yeah, don't know who or where though. Kisame said I was supposed to meet him here."

"The large blue guy?"

"That's Kisame"

"He asked me to relay a message for you, said your instructor would be waiting at training field ten around noon. Also said he would see you later, mentioned something about groceries."

'Oh lord what does he plan on making us tonight?'

"I don't think you should sit around here like an idiot Naruto, considering you have about ten minutes to get to the other side of town."

"You're joking right?"

"Do I look the joking type?"

Naruto didn't bother answering him, deciding to leave in a blur.

"Strange kid," Ibiki said to himself before he noticed the half finished cigarette burning in the ashtray. Picking it up, he finished it and returned to his paper.

-----

Naruto pumped chakra into his legs, pushing his speed to something that would have rivaled his father's. With one last leap, Naruto descended from the rooftops and entered the canopy that signified the beginnings of the train grounds. Running along the path he counted the signs he passed. Training ground five soon turned to six. So enthralled in his run, Naruto didn't notice he was about to run straight into someone. After a small collision and a few choice words, Naruto found himself staring at brat he hadn't seen in years.

"What the hell man? Don't you watch where you're going?!"

"Konohamaru?"

Brown eyes looked at blue for a moment before recognition kicked in.

"Boss?"

"My god the brat really did grow up; thought you would be a munchkin forever." Naruto said with a chuckle before he was tackled in a hug.

"Is it really you boss?"

"Who else would I be kiddo?"

"Where the hell have you been? Last I heard you were supposed to be returned six years ago."

"Well…" Naruto said as he rubbed the back of his head, "I kind of took an extended training sabbatical."

Konohamaru nodded and was about to question more when a shrill scream cut through the air.

"Konohamaru you idiot! What were you thinking leaving us behind?!" Yelled a girl who had a boy with glasses trailing behind her.

"Sorry Mo-Chan was in a bit of a hurry but guess who I found?"

"Who?" Moegi questioned as she looked at Naruto.

"You're telling me you forgot about the boss?" Kon asked, gesturing to Naruto for extra effect.

The girl scrutinized Naruto for a moment, going so far that prodded him a couple times.

"Jeez, Moegi its Naruto okay, you don't need to poke at him like he's a piece of meat."

"Naruto…senpai."

"The one and only, little lady." Naruto said as he flashed a foxy grin.

"Senpai!" The girl squealed as she glomped onto Naruto.

Naruto spun her for a bit before sitting her back down. Turning he looked at the boy who wore glasses.

"I take it that this fine young man is Udon?"

The boy in question bowed, it was only right as they were greeting their friend but also their superior.

"Naruto-sama"

"What's with the 'sama'? It's just me guys, don't say 'sama' it makes me sound old. Or do you guys think I'm old. I bet that's it isn't it! You damn kids think you're better than me?!" Naruto yelled jokingly.

The three young ninja just stared at the spectacle before them, before Moegi burst into fit of giggles, followed by the guffaws of her male teammates.

"We don't think you're old senpai." Udon said, "It's just that it appears you're a Jounin now; effectively making you our superior."

"Bah! I'm only your superior during missions, unless you're talking skill wise. I mean, I'm pretty sure I could wipe the floor with Konohamaru while blindfolded with both arms tied behind my back."

"What was that **Old** man?" Kon asked, a tick mark appearing on his forehead.

"You say something **brat**?"

"That's it!" Konohamaru shouted, "You're going down old man!"

"Bring it punk!" Naruto bellowed as he got into a loose stance while chuckling.

With a cry of anger Kon charged Naruto, preparing to give him an axe kick to the head. He didn't see the haymaker coming from his teammate.

Naruto winced as he witnessed Kon get knocked out cold by Moegi. 'Great another Tsunade in the making…' Naruto thought as Udon poked Konohamaru's unconscious form.

"Sorry about your spar senpai, but we have a mission to attend to." Moegi said as she kicked Kon for good measure.

"Sorry to keep you guys waiting then. Good luck with your mission guys."

"Thanks senpai." Moegi said as she dragged Konohamaru towards the village.

'Cute kids' Naruto thought to himself as he made his way to training ground ten.

-----

Naruto arrived with thirty seconds to spare. Taking a seat against a tree next to a pond, Naruto awaited the arrival of his instructor. A few more minutes passed in silence, not that it mattered to Naruto. Times like this were few and far between for Naruto. Too bad it had to end sometime. It started as a flock of birds flew away from their perch. A small tremor followed, causing the pond next to ripple. Then trees began to fall in quick sequence. The he heard the shout, or rather shouts.

**"Dynamic Entry!"**

'Oh god no, anything but that…'

-----

Omake: The Misadventures of Itachi…

Konohamaru was pissed. His team had finally returned from a three month long mission out of Fire country and finally had a chance to get some deserved rest. But no, the old bag he had to call Hokage gave his team another mission as soon as he reported the success of their previous one. And the final thing that proved to be the straw that broke the camel's back? It was a simple guard mission, one that didn't even have to make them leave the village. They had to guard a shipment for a candy store no less. It was better suited for a team of Genin, not his team of Chunnins.

Stomping out of the Hokage's office, Konohamaru left to find his team, searching around the various training grounds for signs of his team. It was when he came upon training ground seven that he found them. Apparently his two teammates were in the middle of a heated spar. Konohamaru watched as they traded blows for a few minutes before interrupting.

"Yo" he said with enough volume to make the two stop mid action. "We got a mission."

Udon and Moegi immediately turned and walked over to their team captain.

"So boss…" Moegi started "What's our mission entail?"

Konohomaru sighed, he knew he was going to get yelled at and possibly a fist in the face from Moegi while Udon watched, but he had a duty to fulfill as a Konoha ninja.

"We've been hired to guard a shipment…" Kon said as he gauged his teammate's reactions, both seemed pleased but it wouldn't last, "for a merchant in the village."

"What?!" Moegi yelled, reminding him of Naruto's old teammate.

"I hate to say it Konohamaru, but this mission is something that a team of Genin would handle." Udon said in an analytical tone.

"I know guys but this guy must be an important person to the Hokage to warrant us being used. We can't complain about it."

His two teammates sighed as there were no faults to his comment, though he could see that Moegi was seething. Heaving a sigh he gestured for the two to follow him as they made way to meet with the client.

----

The walk to the store was uneventful aside from meeting up with someone the three hadn't seen in over nine years. After a short talk with Naruto the three were soon on their ways to the store they have been hired to protect. A few more minutes walking, they were at the client's place of business. Looking at the sign on the front of it, Konohomaru could feel his left eye begin to tick. It would be Moegi that voiced his thoughts exactly.

"We were hired to guard a candy store?" She asked no one in particular.

Konohomaru was about to answer her before a voice interrupted him. Turning to the source, he came face to face with a young man wearing an apron.

"You three must be the ninja Tsunade said would be guarding my shipment."

"I take it you're Yuka, our client?"

The man smiled and nodded. "That would be me. Since the shipment is due for a few more hours, how bout I give you guys a tour?"

Kon glanced at his teammates before nodding the man known as Yuka. The man smiled widely as he gestured for the others to follow him. They all looked around the store as the man showed the assortment of products he sold.

"While we are known as a Pocky specialty store, we sell many forms of sweets, many made in store."

"You make candy?" Moegi asked as she eyed a kunai shaped chocolate in a glass display case.

"That's correct little lady. Would you like to see how some are made?"

Moegi nodded and followed the man behind to counter that led to the back of the shop, leaving Kon and Udon to stand around.

-----

After an hour and many free samples, the three Chuunin sat outside the store's rear entrance waiting for the shipment to arrive. Well two of them were sitting while the third was bouncing around, the result of a sugar high.

Kon just sighed as he watched Moegi, who was now running up and down the wall of the building. "You know I don't get Yuka." He said to Udon.

"How so?"

"Well think about it. The man makes candy, why couldn't he just make his own Pocky instead of shipping it in. I mean it's nothing more than wafer sticks dipped in a candy coating right?"

"I agree. I must be cheaper than having it shipped in. Especially with the added cost of keeping it cool with fire country's summer weather."

"So why doesn't he just make it here?"

It would be Moegi that gave the answer as she gracefully flipped off the wall.

"Yuka-san said something about it being a trade secret; seemed worried that someone would steal his recipe or something." Said the girl as she started walking around on her hands.

Kon just shook as his head as he spotted a wagon coming their way, signaling that the shipment has arrived. Looking around the rooftops for signs of bandits, Kon felt relieved that there was none. Feeling himself relax a bit, he ordered his team to help the delivery men. The sooner the stuff was unloaded, the sooner they could return to the Hokage and report a success.

-----

They had unloaded all but a few crates, when Udon sensed someone watching them. Sitting the crate he was about to unload down, he made a small whistle that sounded like a bird chirping, a sign his team had come up with to alert one another. Kon and Moegi heard this and stopped what they were doing. The former making hand signs to Udon.

'What is it?' Kon gestured.

'We're being watched.' Udon gestured back.

'How many?'

'I can sense only one person but from the feel of their chakra, they must be strong.'

'Ok, I want you to take position on the left side of the wagon' Kon signed then turned, 'Moegi I want you to take right side. I will protect it from the front.'

Moegi and Udon nodded at the silent orders and drew kunai while they formed a loose battle formation. They didn't get any farther before their world faded to black.

-----

Konohamaru just stood there as he watched his teammates be subdued by a lone figure in black. Drawing another kunai, Kon felt himself slip into a stance similar to that of his uncle's.

"Who are you and what did you do to my friends?!" the young man asked as he prepared for an attack.

"Listen, I came here for one thing and I'll be damned if I don't get it." The figure said in an emotionless voice.

"Then you'll have to go through me!"

"So be it, Tsukuyomi." The figure said as his red eyes began to spin.

Kon braced himself for the attack to hit but nothing came. Opening his eyes slightly he noticed he wasn't in Konoha anymore, but rather a barren landscape with a large moon overhead. It was then he heard the voice of his assailant.

"You are in my Tsukuyomi world. Here I control everything, so for the next seventy two hours you will be exposed to your greatest…"

Kon shuddered as he heard these words. He had heard of this attack before. It meant that the attacker was an Uchiha and that he had received the highest form of the sharingan. He would be in for a world of pain.

"…fantasy."

Kon just stood there speechless before the landscape shifted again. Now he found himself back in Konoha again, but it was different. The village seemed the same but there were more buildings than Kon remembered. Looking around he noticed that he was standing before a large crowd in front the Hokage tower and that he was dressed in the robes that signified that he was the new leader of the village. Then it clicked, he really was in the middle of his greatest fantasy. The day he would become Hokage and recognized as himself instead of his lineage. Smiling he turned to the crowd and prepared to give his speech.

-----

In the Tsukuyomi world Moegi style…

"…fantasy."

Moegi just stared into the landscape before she sensed a presence behind her. Turning quickly, she came face to face with a Naruto clad only in boxers.

"Senpai?" The young girl squeaked out as Naruto walked towards her.

"Yes Moegi-Chan?" The man said as he moved to embrace her.

"What are you doing senpai?"

"I believe I'm going to help you live out your greatest fantasy." Naruto said as kissed the crook of her neck and began to undress her.

"B-but senpai…" Moegi moaned out as she felt herself melt into his caresses. "What if someone sees us?"

"My my, is that all you're worried about my sweet little Moegi? I can assure you that it's just of the two of us here." Naruto said he let his hands slide down the near nude girls back, stopping at her rear to give a small grope causing the girl to gasp. "Now relax and let me do the work. I'm sure I won't disappoint you, my little Mo-chan."

Moegi tried to protest but whatever she was going to say died in throat as she faced Naruto. There before her was the boy, now a man, that she had fantasized about since she was a little girl. She looked into his deep blue eyes seeing a hint of mischief before he lowered his face to kiss her. While she had kissed boys before, none of them held a candle to this. It was such a thing of beauty that she didn't even notice she was fully nude. She didn't care, she just wanted to keep going, but all good things come to an end.

Moegi almost cried out when Naruto stopped kissing her, only to be silenced when a finger was placed against her lips. Looking at Naruto she noticed that he was kneeling down. Then she felt another feathery kiss, this time in the cleft between her breasts. Then another at her belly button. Soon she felt another kiss a little lower as she felt strong hands massage the small of her back. Finally she felt a kiss on the flesh just above her most private area.

'Oh my god, Oh my god, I can't believe this is happening!' Moegi repeated in her mind.

But all of a sudden it stopped, much to the girl's dismay. She was so close to a release.

"Senpai?" the girl said with disappointment evident in her voice as she looked down at Naruto.

The man in question just looked up at her and flashed a foxy grin, before returning to give her one more final kiss.

"Ooooh senpai…" Moegi moaned out as she felt Naruto place one last kiss.

-----

Itachi stood there, grinning like the cat that ate the canary as he admired his work. Even though he may have been an S-ranked Nukenin in the past, he loved knowing that he could solve a confrontation without resorting to violence. The fact he was a witness to these three young ninja's fantasies was a bonus.

He smiled as he looked down at the three unconscious Chuunins. The leader of the trio laid there with a smile on his face. Itachi was impressed with his fantasy, it held an innocence that many ninja lose in their careers, but he knew he would have still expected it from the grandson of the late Sandaime. Now the one with the glasses freaked him out a little bit, his fantasy was something the Uchiha never wanted to see in his life. Trying to drive the memory of it out of his mind, he turned to the last of them, the single female of the group.

Now her greatest fantasy was something that Jiraiya would dream about. Itachi would have loved to stay and watch it some more but he had a secret mission to complete. Throwing the three a quick glance, he turned to the items he needed to take to complete his mission. Picking up the three remaining crates, he sat them down on the ground. Reaching into his cloak, he retrieved two items. The first, a simple storage scroll that Naruto had given him to ease his travels, the second an envelope that contained money to pay for the merchandise he was taking. 'Wouldn't be called stealing if he paid for items.' Placing the envelope on the wagon in plain sight, he turned to the crates. Completing a few hand signs, the crates disappeared in a puff of smoke as the kanji for 'crates' appeared on the scroll.

'Well that's all of it' Itachi thought to himself as he returned the scroll to his cloak and jumped to the roof tops. 'Time to go announce my success to my superior.

-----

Yuka stood in his store talking to the man who delivered his twice weekly shipments from his pocky factory, when he noticed that he hadn't seen the three he hired for well over fifteen minutes.

"Have you seen those kids?" He asked the man before him "Shouldn't have taken them this long to unload the wagon."

"No idea boss."

"Wonder what's taking them so long unless…" Realization dawned upon him. "Oh no!"

Rushing out the door he was half expecting to be witness a battle of epic proportions. Sure it would have been over wafer sticks, but it would be epic nonetheless. As he ran out the door, the first thing he noted was that there were three bodies lying on the ground, unmoving. Fearing the worst, he rushed to the closest one, the boy whose name was Konohamaru; who laid there with a smile on his face.

Placing two fingers to the boy's throat, Yuka could feel a strong pulse. 'He alive!' the man thought as he lifted the boy and attempted to awaken him. After a minute or two of light shaking, the boy began to come to.

"What happened?" Kon groaned out as he rubbed his eyes.

"It appears that your team was attacked." Yuka said as helped the boy to his feet.

"That's right, a man in black… oh god! Udon, Moegi are they ok?"

"They seem to be breathing, but you should try to wake them." Yuka said as he examined the wagon, trying to make sense of what was stolen.

Kon nodded dumbly as he made his way over to Udon. Stopping to examine his friend, he noticed that he wasn't in any bad shape, just appeared to sleeping. Now being one that seems to go for actions first without thinking consequence. He did what he normally did when had to wake Udon. He kicked him in the side.

"Come on you lazy ass, your turning into your cousin…OOF!" Kon managed to say before he felt the air forced out of his lungs.

Udon just glared him as he pulled his fist out of his friend's side. Lifting himself up, he made his way over to Yuka to see what was stolen, leaving Kon the task of waking up Moegi.

After taking a moment to regain the ability to breathe, Kon made his way over to where Moegi was laying. What he came upon disturbed him greatly. There before him, lay Moegi, but this was not the thing that bothered him. The fact that her faced seem flushed and she alternated between giggling and moaning every few seconds did though. 'This looks like a scene from those books Kakashi-senpai is always reading' Kon thought to himself as he watched the girl sleep, 'Time to wake her up though.'

Kon kneeled down next to her and began to poke her at various points in an effort to wake her. When that didn't work he began to slap her face lightly to no effect. Kon heaved a sigh; it was time for desperate measures. 'Forgive me Moegi' Kon thought as he raised his hand farther, he prepared to slap her with a little more force. As his hand began to make its descent, he didn't notice the figure below him wake up. It was the fist to the face that did.

-----

"You ok kid?" Yuka asked as Udon walked over to him.

"I'm feeling well Yuka-san, actually better than well actually."

"Well that's good to hear, how about your teammate?"

Udon was about to answer him when the sound of a fist hitting flesh cracked through the area, followed by Konohamaru arching ever so gracefully over Udon and Yuka.

"It seems Moegi is awake." Udon said as he watched Yuka gape openly at the Kunoichi to the side. Being one exposed to this on a daily basis, Udon continued. "So what is missing Yuka-san?"

Yuka just stared at the girl for a moment before answering the boy's question. "It seems the thief made off with three cases of our newest pocky. A shame really, this is the second time in two weeks."

"I guess that means we failed huh?" Kon said as he walked up to the two, rubbing his sore jaw.

"I wouldn't say that…" Yuka said as he examined the contents of the envelope the thief left behind.

"What do you mean Yuka-san?" Moegi asked as she glared daggers at her team leader.

"Well… I hired you guys to prevent the theft."

"But he made off with your stuff…" Kon started.

"Well, it's not theft when the thief pays for the merchandise is it?" Yuka said as he fanned out the bills for the three to see.

"Now that's a lot of money…"

-----

Tsunade sat in her office as she waited word from the two missions gave out today when she felt a somewhat familiar chakra emanating from her window.

"You can come in now Itachi."

"Thank you Hokage-sama, it was getting a bit hot out there."

"I take it the mission was a success?"

Itachi flashed a knowing grin as he unsealed the scroll, revealing three crates packed to the brim with pocky.

"Yes!" Tsunade shouted as she scrambled next to Itachi and grabbed a box as Itachi did the same.

Both sat in the office munching away in silence for a few minutes before Tsunade spoke.

"I take it you had no trouble from Konohomaru."

Itachi nodded as he kept munching away.

"You didn't hurt them did you?"

"Just used Tsukuyomi on them, nothing big." Itachi said as pulled another stick of pocky from its box.

"Tsukuyomi?! Are you crazy? You could have caused them to have a mental breakdown. Hell you almost caused Kakashi to go in a permanent coma!"

Itachi just gestured for her to relax before he spoke. "Don't worry Tsunade-sama. I didn't place them in a normal Tsukuyomi, I just let them live out their fantasies for a bit."

Tsunade felt a sense of relief flow over her as soon as she heard those words. Then she realized something, whoever placed that genjutsu on someone usually could remember the events they had witnessed. Smirking ever so slightly she spoke.

"So what did you see Itachi?"

Itachi raised an eyebrow at her. "Are you asking me to reveal their fantasies?"

"Maybe…" she drawled out.

"I don't know Hokage-sama that seems something very personal. I don't know if I could tell you what I saw in good conscience."

"I'll split the third crate with you."

Itachi grinned as she fell into his plan. "Well that's an offer I can't possibly resist…"

Tsunade sat on the edge of her seat as Itachi revealed what he saw. He started with Kon's fantasy first. Describing all that he saw, leaving her with a new sense of pride in the brat, even though she gave him this mission to get him out of her hair. Then came Moegi's fantasy which left her breathless. She had never expected an innocent girl to have such lewd desires, especially about Naruto. Add to the fact that Itachi described it like a scene from Jiraiya's novels added fuel to the fire. She could feel that her face was flushed. She was waiting to hear what Udon fantasized about when Itachi stopped and stood up.

"I'm sorry Tsunade-sama, but I must take my leave."

"What?! You can't be serious? Tell me what Udon dreams about!" Tsunade yelled as she stood up.

"I sorry but I can't, I'm already late for dinner as it is, and Kisame would be most unpleasant if I missed it again."

Tsunade sat down with a huff, glaring at the Uchiha slightly.

"So same time next week Tsunade-sama?" Itachi asked as he walked towards the window.

"Yeah, yeah, just go on and get."

"I'm hurt Hokage-sama" Itachi said he held his chest in mock pain while he flashed a rare smile, "I thought I found a person who shared my love in the perfect creation that is pocky."

Tsunade couldn't help but chuckle at the Narutoesque antics that Itachi was performing.

"Fine, but you're going to tell me what Udon dreams of next time, you know that right?"

Itachi nodded as he left; a small case of pocky under each arm. When he was on a rooftop that was well out of earshot of the Hokage's tower he had one thought going through his mind.

'No way in hell, am I going to tell her that the kid with the glasses dreams of receiving a lap dance from her…'

-----

A/N:

Sorry for the long wait guys, but things came up real life and I needed to focus on them first. That as well as a bad bout of writers block is to blame for my slow ass update. Last but not least, I know I added some Tem/Naru fluff along with a Moe/Naru lime, but be assured this story will still be Naru/Saku in some form. But at least you guys aren't prepared to lynch me right? Right?!

As always read and review. Till the next time folks.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer/Legend: See first Chapter

--

"**Dynamic Entry!"**

'Oh god no, anything but that…'

Naruto prayed to every omnipotent being he knew (and a few others he had made up on the spot) that those shouts were coming from this imagination. Possible result of some minor cranial traumas or Kisame's latest cooking experiment. But this wasn't the case when Naruto spotted the tell tale green of spandex, the blinding light of the sun reflecting off polished teeth, and finally the dances of eyebrows that badly needed to tweezed.

'Tsunade hates me; I must've done something so bad that even I don't remember it.' Naruto thought as the self dubbed 'Green Beasts of Konoha' landed in front of him.

"I see you are exactly on time my youthful student!" Maito Gai shouted as he gave Naruto a thumbs up, which Lee mirrored.

'This is just a dream; no way can this be happening to me…" Naruto repeated in his mind as he tried to not take in the sight that was created when Lee and Gai were within fifty meters of each other as he laid himself down on the ground.

"Gai sensei! Is lying on the ground a sign of one's youthfulness?!"

"Hmm?" Gai muttered as he pulled himself out of one of his many patented poses to see what his disciple was talking about. There, lying on the ground between the two, laid Naruto. The young man laid there, knees tucked into his chest, biting at his thumbnail while he seemed to stare into nothingness.

"Naruto, are you okay?" the older man asked, honestly worried about the young man's' health, as he shook his shoulder.

After a minute, Naruto's eyes lost their glazed look as they regained their focus. A moment later he sat up and spoke…

"That has to be one of the worst nightmares I ever had in my life."

"What would that be Naruto-kun?" Lee asked; his curiosity piqued.

"That you and Gai were going to be my taijutsu instructors."

"But Naruto, I am your taijutsu instructor. Tsunade-sama herself appointed me herself." Gai added from the side.

"So this isn't a dream?" Naruto asked, praying that it was.

"Nope, I brought Lee-kun here to assist me in your assessment today. Though he won't be able to assist me if he has to take care of a mission or something of equal importance comes up."

Naruto looked at Gai for a moment before he sighed in defeat. "When do we begin sensei?"

Gai flashed a smile and plopped down on the ground, gesturing for the others to do the same. Once Naruto and Lee were situated he began to question the man who would be his pupil for the next month.

"Now Naruto, I imagine you know why Tsunade-sama has asked me to train you for the next few weeks?"

"She said something about how my Taijutsu skills suck." Naruto said as he paraphrased the Gondaime's words.

Gai nodded in acceptance. "Well she didn't exactly term it like that to me, but after a review of your fight with Neji's uncle; I could see what she means. So I'll be blunt with you; your Taijutsu skills are an abomination to all those who claim to be a ninja. I have seen academy students who shown better promise than you. I honestly believe you only won that match by chance…."

Naruto listened to Gai rant on about his skills for several minutes, his self-esteem dropping with every comment. After what seemed like an eternity Gai stopped talking. 'Seems like the beast does need to breathe' Naruto thought to himself as he waited for him to start again.

"Now I can understand how you're lacking skills, from the lack of instruction at the academy due to your 'condition', also your placement with Kakashi didn't exactly promote growth as he can be classed as a Ninjutsu specialist as well as your other teacher. Do you understand so far?"

Naruto nodded in affirmation.

"Now Naruto, you will come into situations where you could not use Ninjutsu or it would be unwise to do so. You remember the confrontation between Lee and Sasuke at your first Chuunin exam right?"

Naruto nodded once again in confirmation.

"In a fight with someone who can predict what Jutsu you're going to use, be it from experience or a bloodline, it would be most unwise to use it, no? Now you saw the result of that fight, Sasuke was clearly outmatched. What I'm trying to say is broaden your repertoire, learn flexibility."

The older man was about to speak once again but Naruto felt the need to interrupt him…

"So you're saying if I got my taijutsu up to par would help my ninja career in the long run?"

"Pretty much."

"Why the hell didn't you say that in the beginning?!" Naruto yelled as he smacked Gai upside the head, much to Lee's disbelief.

"You could've saved my time and yours if you said that from the beginning, I'm not an idiot you know!"

--

Gai just sat there looking stunned while he rubbed the side of his head. From what Kakashi told him, Naruto tended to be a bit dense. He could tell now from his observations that the obstinate brat was gone, replaced with a young that desired to grow. Letting a small smile crack his face, he jumped to his feet, scaring Naruto with his sudden action.

"Yosh! Naruto, you are truly one who is at the peak of their youthfulness! I would openly weep but since we can dawdle on time, we should begin your training!"

"Okay, what should we do first" Naruto started to say, obviously struggling to finish, "Gai-sensei?"

"We will start your training with a simple spar so I can see what you need improvement in. Now before you begin I want both of you to go full out. Lee I want to see if you have kept up with training since you left my team; and Naruto it wouldn't be fair to you to judge your skill if you weren't trying hardest."

Lee and Naruto nodded in understanding as they walked towards the center and gotten into the Taijutsu stances they preferred. Lee with his usual Goken while Naruto had a stance Gai could not recognize. Both men just stared at each other, waiting for the other to make the first move. All was silent in the training ground, till a bird decided to leave its 

roost with a shrill call. Naruto used that moment to press his attack, charging Lee with a palm strike to the chest, which failed horribly; forcing him to go on the defensive.

Gai just stood on the sidelines watching as the spar progressed, making a mental checklist as he observed the spar. 'Naruto's form is extremely rough but not as bad as I have been told, with a little work he would be on par with most Chuunin.' Gai winced as he saw Naruto catch a fist to the chin. 'Both seem to be going slower than they usually are, I don't think they're trying their hardest. Almost as if they had forgotten something…' Gai thought to himself for a moment before the answer came to him.

"Lee! Naruto! Drop your weights, its holding you guys down!" Gai shouted, figuring that was holding the two back from going all out.

"Yosh!" Lee exclaimed as he pulled off the weights from the various points on his body.

"I'm not wearing any weights!" Naruto shouted before he was interrupted by a kick that sent him sailing through the air.

'This isn't going to end well' Gai thought to himself as he watched Naruto do an impression of a pinball across the training ground.

--

Across town at the local green grocer…

Kisame walked through the store, placing various items in the small basket as he carried. He was a man on a mission, for tonight he was going to show his skill in the kitchen once more. He had a plan; he was going to combine the favorite foods of his three favorite roommates.

Stalking through the aisles, Kisame spotted the last ingredient needed in his quest, but there was an obstacle of the most devious nature. For there, standing before the 

tomatoes he needed was the embodiment of all male fears. The one, the only, and may god have mercy on the poor soul who gets caught in her bed if anything Ibiki told him was true, Anko Mitarashi, and man was she squeezing the hell out of those poor tomatoes he needed.

Now Kisame was in a pickle, he needed those tomatoes, but to get to them, he would need to get within sight of the eccentric special jounin. He knew about her from the various bingo books of the major hidden villages. She was known as a Kunoichi with a love for blood that would rival a shark; and had enough ruthlessness to put him to shame. Then there were the stories that Ibiki guy told him; something about her needing a man, and to never be caught alone with her if he could help it, the one thing Kisame couldn't avoid in this situation.

Now taking a position hidden behind a display of watermelons, Kisame thought of a plan. There was the one that involved a water bunshin, but that was thrown out when he realized that day's weather, it was hot and dry, not good for pulling moisture from the air. This also killed the plan of using the mist technique. Then it struck him, he was thinking too hard. This wasn't a situation that needed higher level techniques, he could use a simple henge and his control was good enough that he could perform it without letting a chakra pulse go off.

Forming the hand seals and thinking the name of the technique, he performed the henge. It was a simple one, involving smaller changes to details. The first was the fact he was no longer blue, the second change was the hiding of his facial markings. Resulting in him appearing as a run of the mill jounin. Personally he thought he would be able to sneak by the famed succubus.

Walking as calmly as he could, he passed Anko, who didn't even look up from shopping. Releasing the breath he didn't even realize he was holding, he began the task of picking the ripest tomatoes; unaware that his actions were being watched by a certain woman.

He was sure that he had enough for dinner that night when he noticed something was wrong. Anko, who was standing no more than three yards to the right of him, was missing. Thinking that she must've left when he wasn't paying attention, Kisame visibly relaxed, cheering inwardly at the uncomfortable situation that was diffused with such little work. Then he felt a presence behind him. One that made his danger senses go into overdrive. But it wasn't the feeling that comes from knowing death may be waiting around the corner. No it was the sense that he was about to get in a predicament so bad, that no one would be able to save him.

Turning around slowly, trying to find the quickest escape route possible around the edges of his sight, trying to ignore the smiling woman who was staring up at him.

"You new around here big boy?" Anko asked in voice that made Kisame shiver, whether from fear or something else, he didn't know.

"I…I've been around for awhile."

"Well that's funny, from what you're wearing I can see that you are a jounin, but want to know what's weird? I don't recognize you, and make sure to personally get to know all new jounin in our ranks. If you ask me something is _fishy._"

Kisame was sweating bullets under her scrutinizing gaze. 'She knows I'm under a henge, I don't know how, but she does and she's grinning.'

"You wouldn't be doing anything _fishy_ would you?" Anko asked with a grin that showed more teeth than Kisame thought possible.

Now Kisame was looking over the aisles trying to get the attention of the old man who owned the place. He was so enthralled with his search he didn't even hear the 'Kai' or noticed he was blue again. It was a low whistle that brought his attention back to the matters at hand.

"Would you look at that, I thought you were cute before but I must say the blue skin and those marks really do something for you." Anko said as she reached to stroke his gill marks.

Kisame was in full blow panic mode now. If she touched those marks, he would be putty in her hands; unable to resist whatever she had planned for him, but all was not lost. There, walking in front of the store was a girl, one with four pigtails and bright blonde hair. Temari was his savior and she didn't even know it yet.

"I'm sorry miss but I see one of my roommate's friends walking by and I planned to invite her to dinner tonight." Kisame practically yelled out as he scrambled to the entrance, avoiding her touch and dropping a large amount of bills into the owners lap, enough to pay for what he bought five times over, as he dived outside the door.

Once outside he quickly caught up to Temari. Finally slowing to match her pace, finally matching it stride for stride. It wasn't till after a minute passed that she noticed someone next to her. Turning her head to the side, she saw Kisame walking next to her and raised an eyebrow in a silent question.

"Just keep walking and whatever you do, don't look back." Kisame said through his teeth as he kept walking.

Temari, being your typical person, did exactly what she was just told not to do. Turning her head slightly, she could see Anko slinking towards them, obviously staring at Kisame's rear.

"We're being followed." Temari said, amused with the amount of swearing Kisame was saying under his breath.

After another minute of swearing and taking small glances behind him, Kisame decided it was time to high tail it out of there. But he might as well invite Temari like he told Anko he would. He may have been a coward when it came to her, but he would be damned if he 

became a liar. He quickly rambled out something that sounded like an invite to Temari while making the hand seals for a Shunshin; disappearing before Anko finished her pounce.

"Well poo, he looked like he would be fun…"Anko pouted, as she looked in the direction she assumed Kisame left.

"Anko, I think you scared him. How are you ever going to find a decent guy if you keep scaring them away?"

Anko just looked at Temari for a moment, going into supreme poutiness mode, before disappearing herself, leaving the chuckling blonde behind.

--

A few hours later at the Konoha General Hospital…

Sakura walked down the sterile halls, seemingly on autopilot. She had just finished her shift but her mind was thinking about the mission she was given while having a discussion with Inner Sakura.

'I can't believe I still have to work at the hospital! I mean Tsunade-sama said this was a mission of a most important matter! The time I'm wasting here could be time getting to know Naruto!'

Inner Sakura was nodding with every statement, but this time she was the more controlled one. She knew why Tsunade made Sakura continue with her job. This was a secret mission after all…

'I bet all those other hussies are planning to do something while I'm here listening to old men complain about kidney stones!'

I.S. finally decided to interject for a moment.

'**You know that's not true. Ino has to run the flower shop and Tenten has to watch her parent's place.'**

'That leaves the Temari, the two from Sound, and Hinata and Hanabi.' Sakura growled out.

'**Bah, Temari is a nice person along with Tayuya, even if they're a little outspoken. Kin and Hinata would be twins if they were both Hyuga, they're shy and meek; and Hanabi is… well she's just Hanabi.'**

'Hinata meek? Hah, I think you forgot the beating she gave Kiba a few years ago.'

I.S. had forgotten about that, she remembered Kiba saying something about Naruto, and then it was just a blur of fists followed by the girlish screams. It wasn't a pretty sight.

'And Hanabi? She's turning into a tramp like that sensei of hers. She wouldn't even try to love Naruto, most likely deciding to tie him to a bed and have her way with him! When it should be me doing it!'

Inner just stood there dumbfounded after hearing that last sentence. That was something she would have said. She was never supposed to be the voice of a reason; she was the embodiment of all the things Sakura repressed! Something was messing with the ways of the universe. Leaving I.S. to figure out what was going on. Ignoring the lewd but impressive fantasies that weaved around her; she took an assessment of what happened in the last couple days.

First thing she did was look at her host from within. Nothing seemed to be out of order aside from some minor bloating and cramps. Topped off with some hormones out of balance causing mood swings and irrational lines of thinking. Glancing at a calendar that even she had no idea was behind her; she saw today's date, marked with a red dot. 'Oh' I.S. thought as realization hit her. It was that time of the month, and with Sakura being a medic; she had the ability to compress the effects into a short time. Meaning she had a week's worth 

of sexual hormones coursing through her system; resulting in a situation that needed immediate diffusing.

'**Listen, we got to go about this with tact. We need to show Naruto we really care about him and just don't want to screw him.'**

'But…'

'**No buts! Now pay attention. It looks like the interns are having an argument about something again. Gai probably dropped off Kakashi again.'**

Sakura pulled herself from the inner conversation to see all the female interns of the hospital were having an argument on who can clean up the patient in the room next to them. Something that was quite common Kakashi was brought in. Personally she never got the fuss. She had finally seen Kakashi without his mask, and she wasn't impressed. He was a pretty boy.

'**Sasuke was a pretty boy and you girls had it for him.'**

'Oh shut up, I was young and stupid. We also saw him six years ago and I don't know about you but an ass bow doesn't do it for me.'

'**You have a point there…'**

With inner silenced for a bit, she turned to the nurse that watched the spectacle next to her. Sakura instantly recognized her. Her name was Matsumi and she had been working at the hospital before Sakura was born and had helped her greatly when she was an Intern. She was someone you could joke around with one minute and suddenly save someone the next. Safe to say, she was a friend of Sakura's.

"Hey Mats, Gai drop off Kakashi again?"

"Don't know; kind of makes you wonder about those two though. The way they interact seems to hint at something else. Probably lovers, especially the way Gai prances about 

screaming about 'youth'." Matsumi said, surprising Sakura in her ability to hold a straight face.

--

Somewhere else…

A silver haired man shuddered for a moment before going back to stirring a pot…

--

Sakura couldn't help but giggle when she heard that. It even made sense in some strange way, she had never seen Kakashi with a woman and the porn obsession could just be a cover. While thinking about that, she noticed he interns were going to settle their problem with a round of Janken.

"Oh wait a moment Sakura,' Matsumi said as she looked through the papers on the admissions desk after realizing the nurse who was running it was part of the crowd competing. After a few minutes of searching she found the form. "Okay, the patient who was brought in a little while ago is named fishcake."

"Who the hell names their kid 'fishcake'?"

"Don't ask me. The form says Naruto." Matsumi stated.

"Well Naruto is a type of fishcake…Wait a minute… Naruto!" Sakura yelled as she noticed a victor has come forth as the other interns grumbled about their bad luck.

"Naruto Uzamaki, brought in to have injuries from a spar treated, extent of which currently unknown…" Matsumi read from the form, before realizing Sakura was nowhere to be found.

--

The winner of the Janken match was a young intern named Ikue. She had started working at the hospital when one of her friends suggested it. Well didn't exactly suggest it, but mentioned it as a way to see hot naked men. And would you believe her luck, in less than a month she saw Kakashi without his clothes and now this blonde Adonis. Now she had a chance to personally treat and clean him up.

Biting back a squeal at the thought of touching those muscles among other things, she prepared to enter the room; only to stop when she heard the sound of medical tape being pulled from a roll. Turning around slowly, she saw a smiling Sakura staring back at her with an odd gleam in her eye.

"Sakura-senpai?"

--

Sakura felt proud of herself for taking the initiative for once. She had taken down Ikue with little struggle and a large amount of medical tape. She got off pretty light for what she wanted to do to her Naruto, and that tape would hurt like a bitch to pull off. Letting a small chuckle pass her lips at that thought, she slipped into Naruto's room.

Once there, Sakura couldn't help but stare at his unconscious form. She had seen him naked at the hot spring, but she never got the chance to really look at him. Something she planned on fixing. Slinking towards his bed, she took in his form. One thing she noticed was that was stripped down to his underwear. But he hadn't been cleaned up, a sign that no one from the hospital did it. 'Most likely it was Gai; probably did it to make it easier for us.'

Sakura looked closer, carefully taking in all of Naruto's features. The seals that covered his form, to the way his muscles seemed to twitch unconsciously under his skin, then there was his face. Sakura couldn't help but stare at his face. It was a vision of masculinity; it was tanned as the rest of his body, a strong jaw line that must've been hidden from his pudginess in his youth. Then came the whiskers on his cheeks, she always wanted to touch 

them since she saw them back when she met Naruto in the academy, a secret she would've taken to the grave years ago.

Now she didn't have to worry about that. It was just him and her in the room. So she gave into temptation and dragged a finger tip along one of them. She could feel the groove of the whiskers along with something that tickled the tip of her finger. Looking closer she saw spots all over Naruto's lower face that shined in the sun. It took her a moment to realize that it was stubble. She couldn't believe Naruto had actually grown up.

Smiling at memories of the past; especially those from the time at the academy and the formation of team seven as she pulled a clump of grass out of Naruto's hair. She never noticed it before but his hair had a funky feel to it. It wasn't exactly silky as she would have thought; it felt like she was petting a long haired cat. 'But enough dawdling on that, I need to find out what wrong with him so I can fix it. Then he'll be so happy that he'll offer to take me on a date which will lead to others then…' Sakura rambled on, much to I.S.'s amusement as she got to observe Sakura's fantasies.

Realizing that she was mentally rambling, Sakura began to work on figuring out what was wrong with Naruto to warrant him being placed here. Performing the seals for the jutsu used for medical scans, and slowly traced them over his limbs, making a mental list of his injuries as her hand passed. So far the total was up to twenty small fractures, several tears in the muscles of his legs, and one pulled tendon. Heaving a small sigh, she made a new set of signs and began the task of patching up her teammate. Sakura enthralled with her task, that she didn't know she was being observed…

--

Tsunade walked down the halls of the hospital, smiling at several of the workers as she passed. She could honestly say she enjoyed her job. Being Hokage had its perks of course, but it didn't hold a candle to being a medic Nin. The knowing fact that she could save or end a life with a simple small manipulation of her chakra scalpel still amazed her to this 

day. But now was not the time to think about things like that, she had a blonde idiot she needed to check up on.

She really didn't want to check up on him, but she couldn't refuse. A crazed man in spandex tends to be very convincing when he wanted to be. But she could let that slide, it may have been a time of peace between the Shinobi nations, but the war on paperwork was still going on strong, and any excuse to be able to get out of the office even for a short while, was welcomed by her.

Leaving us to find her walking down the hall, towards the admissions desk for that floor; hoping to find out what her little idiot got himself into. Once there she noticed something most unusual. All of the nurses and the interns seemed to be missing, nix that; they weren't missing. Just crowding around the entrance of one of the rooms, trying to peek at its inhabitant.

'Looks like I found Naruto's room' Tsunade thought to herself as pushed through the crowd, giving all of the girls a small smirk as she went. Finally making it to the door, she slipped in silently inside and used one of Jiraiya's favorite jutsus as she observed her student's work.

--

The process started out slowly as Sakura began her work. She started with the hard things first; the setting and mending of fractures. Using as little force as possible, she set his bones back in place and reinforced the fractures with chakra braces. Sakura could have completely mended the fractures with healing chakra as was common in the field, but it wasn't necessary here. Even the most advanced medical techniques couldn't replace the effects of natural healing.

Wiping the small amount sweat from her brow, she began to heal the tears in Naruto's muscles. Once again focusing medical chakra into her hands, and began to rub them down 

Naruto's arms. Sakura tried to focus into her work, but her mind began to drifting to other things, like the feel of Naruto's muscles under her touch. Her body went into autopilot as she went into full blown erotic fantasy mode…

_-- _

_Sakura found herself back at Naruto's home. It must've have been dusk if the sky was any indication. She felt a warm breeze caress her face in manner like lover, bring the scent of the forest with its touch. Letting herself go to the feeling for a moment to get a better look of her surroundings. She was standing outside of his outdoor bath. A mist surrounded the onsen, thick enough that she couldn't see ahead of herself._

_Sakura was confused, how she did get here and why did she only have a towel on? Now Sakura could be called naïve at times, but she wasn't an idiot. She knew there was something off about this, she just couldn't figure out what. Even so, she wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth. After sending out a small chakra pulse to sense if she alone, she slid into the warm water._

_She relished the feeling of the water as it settled around her, soothing and warm. So enthralled with the feeling, she didn't realize that she was no longer alone. Settling into a nook to the side, she let loose a small sigh only to hear another one come from across her, startling her._

_She called out, hoping for an answer. "Hello? Is there anyone there?" _

_Sakura waited a moment before calling out again, only to be greeted with a small splash somewhere in the mist. Now she was getting scared. It didn't help her that the presence of the dense mist brought back memories of the Zabuza encounter, nor the fact she couldn't even see through the water. _

_Holding the towel to her chest, she prepared the exit the onsen, only to feel something brushing against her leg, followed by a small chuckle come from below her. Glancing down, she spotted that familiar blonde hair and squinty eyes. The feelings of fear in her chest soon turned to anger. Grabbing a fistful of hair she heaved the trickster up till he was eye level with her, Naruto whimpering the whole way. It didn't occur to her there was the possibility that he would be naked._

"_Sakura, Jesus Sakura, let go you're actually hurting me!" Naruto muttered out, to no avail._

_Sakura just scowled at him, before trailing down his naked torso. She could feel the blush coming stronger as she looked lower and lower, only to be disappointed to see the good stuff still under the water. Raising her view back to his face, she couldn't help but smile at his pout. It was just too cute to ignore._

"_Well buster, you scared the hell out of me. How do you plan to make up for it?"_

_The only answer she got from Naruto was a face splitting grin before he escaped her grip and dove into the water._

_She looked at the surface of the water before as she yelled. "Don't think you're getting out of this Naruto!" _

_She just stared at the water, till she felt something grab her ankles, causing her to fall back. She didn't even notice the small tuft of hair that appeared between her legs before sinking below the surface. Then she felt it, that touch that was soft yet hard, cool but made her hot. Sakura had bit her lower lip, lest a low moan would escape as Naruto continued his soft ministrations. Losing herself, she heard only one thing…_

"I don't think that proper etiquette for a medic, Sakura." A voice full of mirth said from all around.

--

"I don't think that proper etiquette for a medic Sakura."

Sakura couldn't help but groan as the real world surrounded her. Then she realized her situation. One, she had a hand in Naruto's boxers. Two, her other hand was in her own shorts, touching herself. Three, she wasn't the only one in the room besides Naruto anymore. Looking back towards the origin of the voice, she caught sight of a heavily blushing Tsunade looking back at her.

Letting a small squeal that would make Hinata proud, she quickly removed her hand. Not realizing what the other held. The glazed eyes of Tsunade would give her a clue though. That and the sight of a small nose bleed from the older woman. The Hokage wasn't even looking at her anymore. Following her sight, she saw Naruto lying in bed, naked as the day he was born. And as luck would have it, Naruto decided to choose this moment to return to the land of the living.

--

Naruto slowly came to, aching in ways he never knew existed. There was that, as well as the fact he felt a breeze over his lower regions. Opening his eyes slowly, to give his eyes a chance to adjust to the light, he saw a strange sight. Standing before him, were two of his precious people, both were blushing but the older one had a nose bleed. Glancing at both of the women, he had to let the question that was plaguing him be known.

"What the hell hit me?"

--

Tsunade just stared at the young man, trying to keep her eyes trained on his face, lest her line of vision drifted lower…

Sakura was having the same problems as her master as she stared at her old teammate. Looking to her side at her master, she realized the woman was thinking something; something pleasant if her deepening blush could be used as an indicator.

Now it was a three way stare off. Sakura was crimson as lewd thoughts crossed her mind, Tsunade was following suit with the added thought of age gap be damned, and Naruto? Well Naruto was chilly. The silence continued for minutes longer before it was broken.

"Sakura-chan, why am I naked, and why are my boxers in your hand?"

Sakura looked at the object she had been holding since she realized Tsunade was in the room with her. Seeing that she was indeed holding his boxers, she did the first reasonable action that came to mind. She threw them over her shoulder in an attempt to hide the evidence. She didn't even the notice the group of hands that shot through the crack in doorway that grabbed them before they hit the ground, or the ear piercing squeals from outside that followed.

Next she did the next reasonable thing in her mind. She slugged him with all her strength to prevent him from asking more questions. Thankfully she didn't kill him, just knocked him unconscious, which also served to break the awkwardness of the situation. Glancing at the unconscious man who as of now will be the center of all her fantasies from this point on, before looking at her teacher for a way to explain the situation.

Tsunade looked at the boy for a moment before finally speaking. "Well, now that I can say the situation is sorted out, you can explain to me what the hell was going on before I got here? Actually never mind, you can tell me later after I check up on Naruto."

Sakura just nodded as she edged towards the doorway slowly as Tsunade began her own set of checkups on Naruto, occasionally mumbling things to herself as she worked. Seeing that the woman had her attention elsewhere she tried to open the door as quietly as possible, only to feel the soft yet firm grip on her shoulder.

"Where do you think you're going Sakura?"

The girl could only gulp as she prepared herself for the grilling that was soon to come.

--

Elsewhere…

Temari stood before the Naruto's house once again, knocking on his front door when she heard it. It sounded like a stack of explosive notes going off all at once, followed by a shockwave that rivaled a volcanic eruption. After a moment she could hear muttered cursing come from behind the closed door, before it opened to reveal Kakashi, covered in red goo.

"Why hello Temari," Kakashi said as he picked a red strip from his mask. "What bring you around these parts?"

Temari looked like she just witnessed the result of a massacre, but then the smell of tomatoes and herbs hit her. It wasn't blood; Kakashi was covered in food, a soup or stew by the looks of it. Heaving a sigh of relief, she answered the masked man.

"Kisame invited me to dinner Kakashi-san."

"Hmm…" Kakashi mumbled as he rubbed his tomato stained chin, "I believe Kisame mentioned something about you coming to dinner before he asked me to watch his stew so he could take a nap."

Temari nodded and was about to tell Kakashi what had happened when she heard the tell tale sound of a messenger bird. She watched it as it glided down from the air and perched atop Kakashi's head before pulling a strip of meat from his hair. While this was funny in its own right, the fact that Kakashi didn't seem bothered the least little bit made her giggle.

Kakashi stood there for a moment before he reached up and untied the message from the bird's leg. Reading it silently, he finished and destroyed the note with a small Katon jutsu before turning to his sole audience member.

"It appears Naruto will be late for dinner it seems…"

"What? What happened to Naruto? Is he okay?" Temari asked voice full of worry for her not quite boyfriend.

"Mah, mah," Kakashi said as he waved his hand in a dismissive gesture. "He just got a few scrapes from his spar with Gai. I'm sure he'll be home later tonight."

"I don't know…" Temari started to say before she was interrupted by Kakashi once again.

"Relax kiddo, I'm sure he's okay, but there are other things that are more important to worry about right now. Like hiding the evidence of my blunder before Kisame wakes up."

"Before who wakes up?" A voice rumbled out from behind Kakashi.

Turning ever so slowly Kakashi came face to face to something he never really wanted to see. The embodiment of physical pain, version 1.0, aka Angry Kisame.

"Well Kisame you see, a young woman wearing a red hooded cloak came to the door and asked for directions to her grandmother's house…"

--

Back at the hospital…

Naruto woke once more in pain, but now it seemed to be focused around his face. Groaning as the world came into focus, he looked around the room. Realizing that once again, he was in the hospital, he did the first rational thing that came to mind. He was plotting an escape. Saying that he didn't like the hospital was the same as saying a vampire didn't like the sun. It was just an obvious truth.

Everything in the hospital irritated him. It always had a smell of sickness and injury that was covered with the scent of disinfectants. The rooms were bright white but had no sense of life to it. All of this added to Naruto's displeasure. But first things first, he needed to find his clothes or something to hide his shame. After a quick scan of the room, he sighed at the loss of another set of clothes before putting on a hospital gown. Once 

that was done, he walked to the window and opened it. Seeing that he was in the clear and the night was sufficiently dark, he leapt towards the roof of the closest building.

While Naruto had experience in straining oneself after recovery, he wasn't prepared for the pain that shot through his legs as soon as he hit the rooftop. Gasping in pain, he bent over before he realized he wasn't alone. Looking around, he noticed three figures standing around him. Anbu he noted, recognizing Kuma from earlier, only now she was joined by two others. The smallest one, obviously female if her hips and bust were any indication, wore a panda mask. While the other's mask was just blank and seemed to stare intently at him.

Forgoing the pain, Naruto gave the three a wide grin before speaking.

"Hey guys, anything I can help you with?"

The three Anbu stood there for a moment before Kuma took the initiative.

"Why yes there is Namikaze-san, there is something you could help us with? It involves a special mission that was given to my associates and myself. You see this mission was a supposed to be simple. All we had to do was watch a certain someone so he wouldn't get himself hurt."

Naruto began to chuckle nervously, he didn't expect to be under guard when he escaped but apparently Tsunade had other plans...

It was fifteen minutes later before Kuma managed to stop yelling at him for being an idiot and jumping down five stories when he had fractures in both of his legs. Once the screaming stopped, 'or she needed to catch her breath?'Naruto thought to himself before interrupting her. He was tired and he wanted to sleep in his own bed. 'Time to use some of the ole charm' he thought as he began to speak.

"But Kuma-chan…" 'That's right, draw out the chan' "I'm fine, really. Just need to go home and get some sleep."

"Namikaze… Don't think you can flirt your way out of this." Kuma deadpanned as her partners nodded in agreement.

'Shit, if this keeps up, they'll drag me to Tsunade. Then I'll really be in trouble. It's going to take an act of the gods to get out of this now.'

And as if the gods themselves heard his prayer, the wind began to pick up. It started to slowly caress Naruto's form before gusting up, causing his hospital gown to reveal his shame to the Anbu. Resulting in two stuttering officers with a third that seemed to stare a bit too intently.

While having the decency to blush, Naruto couldn't let this chance escape. The gods gave him a distraction and he was going to use it. Throwing the three a quick glance, he turned and bounded across the roofs in the direction of his house, wincing with every step of the way.

--

Kuma just stood there dumbfounded, her mind trying to reboot from what she had just witnessed. Looking to her side, she could see that Panda was in a similar state as she, while Zero kept looking at a book then to one direction. It wasn't till a minute later she realized that their target had escaped, and one of them had to tell Tsunade-sama that they failed in their mission. Thinking quickly she decided to let one of the others shoulder the task.

"Panda, since you are the rookie of the team. I've decided that you will be the one to tell Tsunade-sama that we have failed. Any complaints you would like to voice before we leave to report?"

"So big…"

Kuma couldn't help but draw her hand down her mask as she looked at the other female. Anbu were supposed to be professionals, and not get worked up over non important things such as a man's impressive equipment…

Shaking her head to clear her mind of such thoughts, she turned to the sole male of the trio. He was acting a bit stranger than usual. He kept muttering to himself as he leafed quickly through some book. It was a bit disconcerting for Zero to show any emotions.

"Zero?"

The masked man looked at the book one last time before answering his captain.

"He's…he's the chosen one!"

"Zero, what are you talking about?"

"He's the chosen one. From the good book." Zero said, acting as if he figured out the meaning of life.

"What book?" Kuma had to ask, eyeing said book Zero held like his first born child.

"Why the book of Wang captain."

"What?" Kuma deadpanned, not believing what she was hearing.

"But it's true captain. He appears exactly as the hero of this story. Here, take a look for yourself," Zero said as he handed the "gospel" over.

Raising an unseen eyebrow at her subordinate, Kuma glanced down at the open page, only to avert her eyes lest the images portrayed forever be burned into her mind. The "good book" as Zero called it, was piece of literature so lewd and depraved it would make Jiraiya shudder. For it was the work of his competitor, the infamous and lesser known female voyeur, Takana Wang. The world renowned author of the 'Yaoi Paradise' series.

Feeling a migraine start to form, Kuma handed the book back and removed her mask. Looking at her male subordinate, she knew she had to have the 'talk' with him and explain that the book was a piece of fiction and should not be taken seriously. Even if the main character had an uncanny resemblance to Namikaze, right down to the slight bend in his…

--

Naruto jumped from branch to branch as he made his way home. He could see the trees thinning out ahead, signaling that he was close to home. Picking up his pace, he made one final leap, landing right at his front door. After taking a moment to feel for any unnatural shifts in the air to see if he had been followed, Naruto opened the door and made his way to his room. Once there, he quickly removed the hospital gown and put on a clean pair of underwear before flopping down on his bed, unaware he was once again not alone as a pair of blue green eyes watched him from the other side of the bed.

--

Temari laid across from Naruto trying to stifle the nose bleed that was threatening to erupt when she awoke to the sight of a naked Naruto not three yards in front of her. Add to that he was now lying next to her snoring lightly. Allowing herself a moment to smile at his soft features, she scooted closer to him, only to have him flop on his side, one hand landing on her right breast.

Biting back the urge to slap him for his wandering hands, she looked at his face again. He seemed to be asleep, meaning that the grope was surely unintentional. Checking once more to make sure he was still sleeping, she scooted further over so that she could lie against his chest while she slept. Shifting to a more comfortable position, she quickly fell to the grasp of sleep.

Once her breathing had become slow and even. A lone blue eye opened and gazed down upon her sleeping form. The owner's face grinned slightly before closing and a slight mumble followed.

"I guess a guy can get used to this eh Kyuu?"

From the end of bed, a small fox seemed to phase into existence. While it had the ability to speak, it chose not to. Instead it gave his host a lupine grin before it turned and left the young couple to their slumber.

--

Sakura trudged her way back to the apartment that Ino and her shared. When Tsunade told her they were going to have a talk, she meant it. First it started about her improper actions, then somehow it go to the point she had actually admitted to what the fantasy pertained. Then it winded down with an exchange of tips and skills from master to pupil in the art of wooing men. How it got to that point Sakura didn't know, but she was sure that the sake Tsunade was steadily imbibing at the time had lowered her master's inhibitions.

Shaking the memory of her 'discussion' with Tsunade, Sakura began her ascent to the second floor apartment. If luck was on her side, Ino would be asleep so she could get cleaned up before heading to bed herself. But as luck would have it, Ino was laying on the couch, channel surfing, as Sakura opened the door.

Stopping her search for anything worth watching, Ino glanced at her roommate/friend, taking a note of her flushed and tired features.

"The hell happened to you?" Ino so eloquently asked.

"Work"

"You worked yesterday, didn't look like that when you got home. What made today so special?" Ino asked, now hugging a throw pillow to her chest.

"A certain someone was admitted, making the staff turn into giggling puddles of fan girls." Sakura said as she removed her shoes and hung her keys up.

Ino looked up at the ceiling in thought, trying to figure out who would usually make that happen before an answer came to her.

"Kakashi?"

"For once it wasn't Kakashi-sensei," Sakura replied as she flopped down next to Ino.

"Well Kakashi is the only person I could think of that could do that."

"It was Naruto, Ino."

The effect of what she said had an instantaneous effect. First Ino perked up, the seemed to go into a daydream, followed with a full body flush. If she wasn't so tired, she would find it humorous. But she was tired, and the memory of her encounter was still fresh. She needed sleep after a few minutes of personal time.

"Ino I'm heading to bed. Make sure to turn off the television before you go to sleep." She said as she got up, only to be stopped by a firm grip on her arm.

"Where do you think you're going Sakura?" Ino asked, a Narutoesque grin on her face, "You can't sleep. I know what you nurses have to do to a patient during an exam. I…need…details! You are going to tell me everything, right down to fantasy you probably had when you were feeling him up under the excuse that you were checking for injuries…"

Sakura just stared at her friend, the idea of sleep happening any time soon disappeared like a snow flake in spring. Shifting a bit to make herself comfortable, she began to tell her tale…

--

A/N: I'm not dead yet! While I apologize profusely for my lack of updates, it was for good reason. Basically real life came up. I gave up one addiction for another, it's not smoking though. You will take my cigars from me when I'm good and dead! (Here's a clue it involves moogles and cat girls) and I have started the hell know as house renovations. While this chapter wasn't as long as I would have liked, I'll view it as a teaser for what's coming up. The clues to the following chapters? The girls begin to make their moves, why does the color blue turn Anko on, and what Itachi does on his days off… So be sure to stay tuned, and finally as always, be sure to read and review. Until later folks.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer/Legend: See first chapter

-----

The sun shone through the trees, its light filtering to the forest in dazzling patterns as the dew dripped from the leaves. Squirrels and the odd rabbit did the things that cute forest creatures do. Hanabi walked deeper into the woods, noticing the trees and other growth thinning out as she came across a clearing, where a cabin of immense size stood. Carefully she began to tread across the clearing, taking notice of the large outdoor bath.

Now that she was close enough, she began to peer through windows in search of the occupants. The first window she checked has the blind drawn, but from what she could see through the crack; the owner of the room was a man with black hair seemed to be sleep amidst boxes of sweets. Stepping back, she moved down to the next window. There she could see a room that is the opposite of the last. Along a wall she spied a bookcase, filled to the brim with books from all corners of the elemental nations; all about the art of culinary delights.

Hanabi sensed movement from the corner of your perception. Glancing in the direction you sensed it from, you see an old man with long white hair, clad in only a towel. Holding back the reflex to gag at the sight of sagging man chest; she made her way to the last window she thought was a bedroom. A look inside confirms her suspicions; she could see a large bed along with its occupants. From Hanabi's view, she could see the larger one was the subject of her fantasies and now the subject of her highest ranked mission, but she couldn't identify the smaller one.

Pulling a small metal shim from her vest, Hanabi prepared to jimmy open the window when she saw the bedroom door beginning to open. Revealing a tall man she easily recognized as Kakashi, and adding to the surreal feeling this situation, was the fact he had a fox sitting on his head. Hanabi knew the stories about the man, he was always aware of his surroundings, could always feel when he was being watched and never forget a face. She started to back away lest she be caught spying. Slinking away, Hanabi threw one last glance back at the sleeping form then to the older man. Only to have him raise a hand to wave and possibly a wink, she couldn't quite tell with the view of his other eye covered.

After performing a Shunshin, Hanabi found herself standing on a branch of a tree that bordered the clearing. Giving one last look at the house, she turned and began to make her way towards the village. Plots of bagging herself a fox flowing throughout your mind…

-----

Kakashi smiled under his mask as he watched the fleeting form of a girl jumping through the trees at the outskirts of the lot. 'Didn't have a chance to get a good look at her, but from her size I can assume it was a teenage girl, maybe early twenties, but enough of that. I need to get a picture of this. Jiraiya would love it…' Kakashi thought to himself as he watched the two sleepers before him. Naruto and Temari was sleeping peacefully, both were spooning as they laid in slumber together. It would've been a sweet scene if Kakashi had the thought processes needed, but to him it was a scene from Icha Icha brought to life. Added to the fact that Naruto had a hand on Temari's chest whilst giving it a healthy squeeze at odd intervals.

"Well ain't that sweet Kashi?" Kyuubi remarked from his silver haired perch as he gazed down to what could be described as simply lovers.

"Aye, we need to get these pictures taken before they wake up. I've heard stories of what Naruto can do when he's pissed and I'm sure Temari isn't a slouch either." Kakashi said as he pulled a disposable camera from a pocket and begin taking pictures.

-----

Naruto could feel himself pulling from the grasp of slumber as he heard a small whirr and saw flashes beyond his eyelids. Letting a small groan escape from his lips, he pulled Temari closer and snuggled into her neck, causing her to giggle in her sleep. Then he heard the snickers, the smaller sounding one obviously came from Kyu. He would have that sound forever ingrained in his memory. The other he couldn't quite place, he heard it before somewhere but couldn't remember where off the top of his head.

Finally cracking an eye open, he looked at the source of the snickers. Standing at the foot of his bed was Kakashi with a Kyuubi style hat, correction that really was Kyuubi. Letting loose another groan, he untangled himself from Temari. Sitting up, he gave the two a pointed glare before turning to look at the beauty sleeping next to him. He reached over to rouse her but an arm on his shoulder stopped him. Turning, he found himself staring into Kakashi's face.

"Let her sleep Naruto, she was really worried about you yesterday." Kashi said in a quiet tone as he gave his student a hidden smile.

Naruto gave her a glance before getting up out of bed softly as he could so he wouldn't wake Temari. Once standing, he smacked Kashi upside the head, launching Kyuubi through the open the doorway. As soon as they were out of ear shot of the sleeping girl, he would get to the bottom of the sneaking pair. Walking slowly, Naruto felt various pops throughout his body, a sign that he was healed a little too well. The pops being caused as bones were being placed in their normal spots and full range of motion brought back.

Walking into the kitchen he gave Shika and Kisame a small grunt, the typical morning greeting at the house, as he walked to the fridge for some juice. As the liquid poured down his throat, he let his vision travel up to the rafters, only to see some remnants of food splattered across a few of the beams. Shaking his head slightly he looked towards the resident cook of the house.

"Kisame, what are you making?" Naruto asked as he placed the juice bottle back in the fridge.

The man in question looked up from his work to give his friend a smirk.

"You'll see when it's done" The large man said as he popped another piece of sugared dough into the dish.

"This isn't going to make us sick again right? I don't think Itachi will ever forget the buttermilk incident."

"Hey now, I didn't tell him to leave it out of the cooler all day last summer. Besides me and you were fine; not my fault the Uchihas have weak stomachs."

Naruto just shook his head as he noticed a nude Kiba strolling into the kitchen with Akamaru at his heels. Normally this was an everyday occurrence as the boy liked to feel the breeze on every inch of skin and Naruto would look past this as a quirk not that it mattered. All of them were guys and as far as he could tell, none of them looked at each other in different light. It was then Naruto realized something, it wasn't just the guys here at the moment. There was a girl sleeping in his bed, and she didn't need to see Kiba's bare ass in the morning. This was a situation that needed to be remedied…

-----

Temari rolled over in sleep, only to be disappointed that she was now alone in that big bed. Groaning, she sat up and rubbed her eyes, blinking a couple times to clear the blurriness from them. Now that was done, she took a moment to take in her surroundings. At least this time she knew she would be sleeping in Naruto's room and wouldn't have any surprises popping up. This was a good situation! It would give Temari a chance to snoop around and that was just what she did.

Using every technique she was taught in the rules of observation and intelligence gathering she began her search. First thing she did was search underneath the bed, only to find it bare with the odd bit of dust. Next she checked his dresser, Shika had told her that Naruto read that abomination and it was her sworn duty as a woman to destroy all copies she came in contact with. With this line of determination she continued her search.

A few minutes later…

Temari was having a conniption. She had searched everywhere in Naruto's room, through his dresser, behind the mirror that hung on the wall, even between the mattress and box springs of his bed. Where he could hide those books, she didn't know. The only place she didn't look was his night stand. 'Wait a minute, how could I miss such an obvious place?' Temari thought to herself as she walked over. It did make sense, Naruto was a guy, and most likely did 'guy' things, so he must've kept his books nearby for easy access.

Throwing a glance to the door and listening for a minute to see if Naruto was coming back. Hearing only the sound of her breathing, Temari slid the drawer open only to find a cigar case, an ashtray, and a lighter. That was it, nothing else. If she was Sakura, she surely would've screamed in anger. But she wasn't like that, well not most of the time she did have a limit and certain buttons could be pushed to bring that limit to the surface. Heaving a sigh, she flopped down on Naruto's bed.

It was one thing after another when it came to discovering things about another when it came to Naruto. Now she had the thought of Naruto as a smoker to think about. She just hoped he wasn't as bad as Asuma. She had been around the man several times when she hung with Shika and she could see why Kurenai tried to get him to quit. The man reeked of cigarettes, to a point that Temari wonder how he managed to complete any mission that required any form of stealth. She never understood how people could smoke like that, not only that it will kill you at some point; it can turn your teeth yellow and make your breath stink, heck it was one of the things a lot of apartments won't allow.

But how did Naruto cover the fact he smoked. His room just smelled… fresh, similar to how the morning after a rainstorm smelled. Then there was the fact that he himself didn't smell of smoke, 'or taste like it' she mentally added with a mild blush. Reaching into the drawer, she pulled out once from the pack and drew it under her nose. While it was still wrapped in plastic, she could smell a hint of cherry. Pulling it back, she held it out and examined it. It didn't look like any type a cigarette she knew of. First thing that set it apart was the bit of wood at the one end, it seemed reminiscent to a mouth piece of a woodwind instrument. It looked like something she would see a yakuza boss have clamped between his teeth while the boys shook down a store.

Oddly enough this drew her imagination to draw an image of Naruto as a yakuza boss. She could imagine how he would look with a blood red kimono, left open to reveal a stomach wrapped with white bandages, holding a wooden katana over his shoulder. Needless to say it was a sexy image that even inner Temari approved of.

Letting her curiosity get the better of her, she got up from the bed and walked to the mirror Naruto had placed on the wall. Unwrapping the cigar, she placed it into her mouth, finally realizing what the tip was for, it was a bit. Turning to face the mirror, she mustered up her toughest tough girl image, as if she was yakuza herself.

"Myah…" Temari started to say as she looked into the mirror. "We can do this the easy way lady, or we could do this the hard way myah…"

-----

Naruto smiled to himself as he walked to his bedroom to wake Temari up for breakfast. Moving to the side as Kiba passed, obviously not happy with the 'talk' Naruto and Kisame gave him about being decent in the presence of a lady, Naruto made his way to the door. Opening it quietly as he could incase the girl was still sleeping, he came up another scene that will also be etched into his memory till his death.

"Myah…"

Temari wasn't asleep as he thought, instead standing in front of his mirror, talking to herself in her sleeping clothes which consisted of her boy shorts and one of his tees, and she had one of his cigars in his mouth. Only one word came to mind to describe this scene, it was pure sexiness.

"Beautiful" Naruto whispered to himself as he watched.

"I agree" a voice said from below.

Naruto broke his sight from the girl to look down, only to see the long white hair of Jiraiya below him, sketching madly in a notepad. Naruto did the first thing that came to mind, slamming the door shut on his teacher's head, stunning Jiraiya and alerting the girl that she had an audience. With the groaning man away from the door (aided by a foot to the face) Naruto let himself in.

Throwing the slightly blushing girl a glance he had to ask one thing…

"Myah?"

-----

Temari was about to say something when she heard the sound of a door slamming into something other than a door jam. Spinning in the direction of the doorway, she found herself staring at a smirking Naruto. Realizing that her childish antics had been observed, she blushed. She didn't even think to remove the cigar from her mouth as she waited for him to say something.

"Myah?" Naruto asked, amusement shining in his eyes.

Temari could feel her face heat up. She hadn't expected for him to hear that. Hell, she wasn't even sure if it was a real word or not, it was just something she expected to hear a gangster say. She didn't even notice Naruto move towards or the fact that he pulled his cigar from her lips.

"Do I want to know?" Naruto asked as he pulled his lighter from the drawer and headed to the window.

"What?!" Temari yelled, "You act like you never fooled around."

Naruto just gave her a look as he opened the window, pausing to take in a scent he didn't recognize. It seemed to be a mix of talcum powder and some type of flower, in his subconscious he recognized it from somewhere but the need for nicotine came first before memory retrieval. With the window open he turned around so he could sit on the sill and lit up. He smiled to himself as he observed Temari watching him smoke. Tapping a bit of ash outside, he decided to make some conversation.

"You know Tem-chan, while I do appreciate the view. It would perhaps to be wiser to wear something more than your sleeping clothes."

"Huh?"

Naruto just gestured to her attire as he took another drag, chuckling mentally at her expression as she realized she was once again flashing Naruto her underwear. Once the blushing stopped, she gave Naruto a glare that would have frozen liquid nitrogen.

"You just going to stare or you going to let a girl have some privacy so she can get dressed?"

"It's nothing I haven't seen before." Naruto said casually, not expecting the reaction he received.

Temari's glare just turned absolute zero, Naruto had to give in to her demands, lest bodily harm would incur.

"Fine, I'll look out the window while you change, I promise I won't peek."

"How can I believe you? You did train with that pervert." Temari stated with a bit of disdain, disdain that Naruto hoped wasn't focused on him.

"Temari, you know I don't break promises, it's my ninja way."

Hearing this, Temari let her glare up, giving herself a moment to examine Naruto as he smoked. He still was in his sleeping clothes as well, and for once her inner and herself could agree on something for once, the view was awesome.

'**But enough of staring at him girl; get dressed so we can eat. I don't know about you but I'm hungry enough to eat a horse.'**

'How can you be hungry? You're not even real!' Temari mentally shouted as she watched Naruto smoke.

"Okay, I'll trust you this time, but you better not peek." Temari spoke as she gathered yesterday's clothes, receiving a grunt for an answer as Naruto mumbled to himself.

'Jesus, all I did was train with the old man for a few years. While I'll admit I did pick up some traits and quirks from him; being an open perv isn't one of them,' Naruto voiced mentally as he listened to the sound of shuffling cloth. He tapped another bit of ash outside when he found his vision blocked, pulling the offending material away, he noticed that it was a shirt. The shirt Temari wore to bed to be exactly. 'Which means she topless behind me…'

Naruto tried to will his body to listen to him, as it turned on its own accord so he would be able to see Temari's half nude form. Luckily she was dressed and in the process of fixing her hair and hadn't noticed that he didn't exactly keep to his promise. Then he felt something he would never want to feel again. He had forgotten that he was still smoking, and a bit of hot ash fell in his lap when he turned. Naruto didn't even realized what had happened till it burnt through his underwear and started on his thigh…

-----

Shika laid in his bed, marveling at how soft the mattress felt. First thing he had planned to do if, and he did mean if in this situation, moved out. He would have to ask Naruto where he bought the beds. He was sure that all the Nara men would bow to him if he suggested replacing their beds with this type. But alas it was midmorning and even though he wanted to sleep longer, his body didn't.

So with a heavy heart he had to leave the inanimate love of his life and start the day. With a groan that sounded oddly like an elk in rut, he made his way to his window for a morning smoke. Reveling in the morning breeze, he lit up. He had a chance to take one good drag before a shout and the sounds of someone hitting the ground a couple windows down.

Ignoring the need to say troublesome, he looked to the source of commotion, only to find himself laughing to an almost hysterical degree at the site. One of his best friends and the friend, who was graciously letting him crash here, was lying on the ground quickly patting his crotch and one leg furiously while cursing. It took a moment for him to realize what had happened and the laughing stopped. It was obvious that Naruto had dropped hot ash into his lap, one of the lesser known dangers of smoking, well lesser known compared to heart attacks and lung cancer.

Shika was about to ask Naruto if he was okay before he was beaten to the punch when he saw Temari's head sticking out of Naruto's window. Now this caused to the resident genius to raise an eyebrow. He knew Temari had spent the night once again (he still had the bruises to prove it) but he was sure that she went to one of the spare rooms to sleep. Now that he thought about it, she was supposed to sleep in the room next to his, meaning she must've snuck out in the middle of the night…

Realization hit home, her asking all those questions about Naruto. She had it for Naruto, in a sense this made him feel bad since that would have meant she was moving on. 'Now that I think about it, maybe it's time I do the same. I can't be the only one from the crew without a girlfriend. Just need one that I can keep away from ma…'

-----

One can say that breakfast at the Namikaze estate was interesting at the least, crazy at other times though. But what would you have expected when you put people with each of their own eccentric ways together. Temari had seen many a strange things in her life, but this scene was soon to take the cake. All of the housemates were sitting around a large table, waiting for Kisame to bring breakfast, well maybe not all. Itachi appeared to be sleeping in.

As she sat next to Naruto at the head of the table, she looked at the others. Jiraiya and Kakashi sat directly across them, the former scribbling in a notepad as the latter whispered into his ear and threw glances at the two. Kiba and Akamaru sat to the side, both practically drooling as they waited for food. Shika was in the kitchen talking with Kisame as he put coffee into a carafe and put some orange juice with glasses on a tray to bring to the table. Temari idly wondered if this was like breakfast with a large family was like. Turning to the boy next to her, she noticed that Itachi finally had graced the group with his presence, and it took all her will not to bust out in giggles.

One could say Itachi wasn't exactly a morning person. He didn't like to sleep late, but with the amount of sugar he took in during an average day, the coming down from the sugar high put him in a coma-like state whenever he hit sack. While he slept like a log, he did move a lot in his sleep, usually resulting in bed head that would rival lightning strike victims. This morning would be no different. Add to the fact his three long time companions seemed to be able to wake and be ready for the day. Itachi was the opposite; he needed outside persuasion, usually in the form of cold water or coffee. Luckily for him he could get the latter.

"Morning Itachi," Naruto chirped, inwardly chuckling at the man appearance.

"Hnn"

"Hnn?" Temari seemed to ask Naruto, he would surely have a way of translating the man's more primitive vocalizations.

"That's Uchiha for 'morning'" Naruto whispered to her.

"Hnnnn?" Itachi grunted out as he looked at the table in search of something.

"He asking where the coffee is," Naruto whispered once again.

Itachi was about to grunt once more when Shika placed one of the carafes before him. Forgoing the grunt, he quickly poured himself a cup and downing it. After a moment, the drink took effect and Itachi looked more awake. Now his black eyes were watching Kisame's every move. While he wasn't afraid of the man, he couldn't say the same for his cooking. A large percent of the time he stuck with the things that were tried and true, but the other times… Itachi had to get his shuddering under control, lest it be thought of a sign of weakness. Thankfully this has changed since Naruto had new housemates.

While Itachi was reminiscing, Kisame was putting his latest creations on two plates and bringing them to the table. He was well aware of the various stares he was getting but he ignored them. Placing a plate at each end of the table, he spoke.

"Dig in kids."

Most of them were hesitant at first. All waiting for their resident taster…. meaning Kiba, to try it first. All watched as the feral man pulled a piece away from the rest and popped it into his mouth. They had watched for almost a full minute to see if Kiba would show signs of something wrong with the food, so far it looked like it wouldn't mess with them. Hesitantly the rest began to pull pieces for themselves, Temari would have been the first, but Naruto had stopped her, while giving a look that told her to wait. With each of them giving each other a glance, they began to eat.

It was a situation that made Kisame chuckle as he watched the others tear into his creation. Eventually the plates had been stripped of their doughy sugary goodness and normal conversation would begin and begin it would, if only Jiraiya had kept his mouth shut.

"I must say you two kids make a cute couple."

Jiraiya stated it, hoping to get the reaction he wanted so. After all Naruto wasn't one for taking any comment with a smile, no matter the type, and this was just like every other time.

"What are you getting at old man? Naruto asked, his eye brow ticking.

'There's the Namikaze tick, the way he's going he'll be the second coming of Minato!' Jiraiya thought to himself as he thought of how else he could push the blonde's buttons. 'I know just the thing…'

"Well what's the situation then? Are you two friends? Are you dating?"

"IF you must know, Temari-chan and I have decided to try and date" Naruto said as he hugged the silent girl closer to him.

"Dating you say? So that would explain why she was sleeping in your room when I checked up on you this morning before my bath."

One could almost hear a pin drop, well maybe if you could get over Kakashi and Kiba's snickering, Shika's mumbling, Itachi and Kisame's chuckling and the sound of steel under strain. Naruto glanced at Temari, noticing the she was trying to make herself look as small as possible. That clinched it for Naruto, Jiraiya was going to die. He didn't care if the old man embarrassed him, but when he embarrassed a girl he cared about…

Grasping a teaspoon, Naruto lunged, he wasn't quite sure how much damage a spoon could do to a Sannin, but he was going to find out with a quick field test. He had almost struck flesh before someone interrupted his forward momentum. Glaring at Kakashi as he held the collar of his shirt, then he heard the giggle. Turning from the cause of his ire, he gave the only person with the double X chromosome a look.

Temari was trying to keep it laughter under control, but snickers and giggles still burst forth from behind her hand. Pausing for a moment, she realized that the rest of the table had gone silent; with all eyes on her she finished with a small snort.

"What?"

With that one question, everything returned to normalcy. Kakashi and Jiraiya were speaking to each other in quiet whispers, while the others just chatted amongst themselves; leaving Naruto to glare at the two perverts. Soon the chatter quieted as they finished their drinks. Giving Naruto a chance to hang out with Temari before he had to leave for his training with Gai. Gathering his dishes as well as Temari's, he stood up to place them in the sink, accomplishing the act as well as giving his lecher of a teacher a glare and middle finger for good measure.

He was walking back from the sink when his good for nothing masked roommate decided to surprise him yet again.

"You know Naruto. You don't have to hurry. Tsunade gave you today and tomorrow off?"

That comment piqued Naruto's interest. From his understanding, the old bag wanted Gai to get his Taijutsu on par with an average Jounin, even if it meant grinding him into the ground to do so. She knew how fast he could heal, hell she saw him recuperate from a hole in the chest in less than a day. 'Something doesn't add up…'

"You have any idea why she gave me the day off?"

Kakashi just shrugged, "She didn't say anything, except no training and that she wants to see you this afternoon for a checkup."

'Great, I know her game plan. Get me all excited for not having to see super brow so I'll be vulnerable, then she'll beat the hell out of me when she gets me alone' Naruto thought to himself.

"Mah mah," Jiraiya gestured with his hand as he finished his coffee, "don't get that look Naruto. You should use this as a chance to take Temari-chan on a real date."

Naruto had to admit, the old perv actually had a good idea for once. But the bad ones greatly outnumbered the good ones. A fact he couldn't help but voice…

-----

Ino sighed as she flipped through her magazine as she voiced her thoughts to the empty store, "Today is just going to be one of those days…"

"I don't see why I have to spend my two days off helping you piglet," said a voice to her side, "I could be out there trying to get Naruto to go on a date with me, but no, I'm stuck here watching your flower shop with you."

"Sakura, you are my best friend, you wouldn't let me suffer this boredom alone would you?" Ino asked, fluttering her eyes at the pink haired girl next to her.

"Yes Ino, I would let you suffer in this situation. Why would I, a young maiden in search of true love, with a hellish career that barely gives her a chance to relax, want to spend her first bit of vacation in a long time watching over a store?"

"Because you're my best friend?" Ino asked a glaring Sakura, resulting in the glare turning borderline murderous, "Fine! Lunch time is coming up; you can go out and pick something up while I tend the counter."

Sakura immediately perked up hearing this, if luck was on her side she might be able to find Naruto and ask him to join them for lunch…

-----

Naruto walked slowly through the village, aware that some of the populace was watching him. 'Least I remembered to wear a mask this time' Naruto thought to himself as he examined his attire. It just consisted of some khaki pants with a navy blue long sleeve shirt that he rolled up to his elbows. Nothing that should have been out of the ordinary, well the mask made him look like a relative of Kakashi. Naruto still wondered if that could be taken as a good thing or not.

Glancing to his right, he couldn't help but chuckle at the sight of Temari as she held his arm close, all the while glaring at every female that crossed her line of sight. 'She seems to be a bit possessive doesn't she?' Naruto mentally asked himself as he looked to the left. Walking along with Temari and himself was the rest of the motley crew minus Kiba and Akamaru. 'Okay I can understand the staring now.'

"What are you staring at brat?" Jiraiya asked.

"Just wondering why are all of you following me and Temari-chan."

Jiraiya just snorted, "You're not the only one who has appointments. I'm taking Kakashi with me to meet my publisher, something big came up that needs my attention."

"Oh, can you tell Mrs. Mishimodo I said hi, old man?"

Kakashi's ears perked up when he heard 'Mrs.', he always thought the publisher for Icha Icha was male, since it seemed to be the bane of every woman's existence.

"Yeah yeah, I'll be sure to tell her that for you. No idea why the rest of you are here though," Jiraiya asked the others.

"I do have a job, you perv," Shika grunted out as he lit up, "Tsunade-sama has something big that she wants the Intelligence bureau to figure out."

"I need to do some shopping," Kisame stated quite clearly.

"I have no idea," Itachi said, noticing everyone was staring at him, "What?"

-----

Everyone soon parted ways after that. Jiraiya headed towards the secret location of his publisher with Kakashi in tow. Kisame made his way towards the market district with Shika heading to work. Leaving Naruto, Temari, and Itachi to the own, the latter quickly disappearing to the rooftops, leaving the formers to decide what to do next.

"So…" Naruto began.

"So…" Temari followed.

"What do you want to do now Temari-chan?"

The girl in question stood there for a moment in thought, before speaking her mind.

"You are going to walk me to my apartment so I can get cleaned up and into some clean clothes, and then you're going to treat me to lunch at any place of my choosing."

All Naruto could do was nod and agree to her demands. Once again he offered her arm to take and told her to lead the way.

It didn't take long for them to reach her apartment. Hers was located in a building that was a few blocks away from the village wall. First thing noted was the fact that the building seems to share the same architecture as his old apartment. All the entrances to the apartments were located on the outside with concrete halls and stairs leading to each floor. Naruto honestly expected her to be have one of those apartments that had a front desk as well as a doorman, considering that she was the Kazekage's sister.

Pulling himself from his thoughts, he followed the bouncing blonde up three flights of stairs, giving him a sense of déjà vu, his old apartment was on the fourth floor after all. As they walked down the hallway, he began to mentally count the doors they passed. 'If she stops at 410 this is going to from weird to plain creepy.' And as fate would have it, the two stopped just outside that door. Temari not making any movement or indication that she was going to open the door and let them in.

"What are we waiting for, an invitation from the council?" Naruto asked as he looked around, worried that people would recognize him.

"Can you turn around for a moment I need to get my key out." Temari asked while blushing mildly.

"What, afraid I might take it? Probably hid it under your doormat or something right?"

"Yeah…" Temari glanced to the side, "let's go with that."

Naruto shook his head as he turned around once again to give her a bit of privacy. After a moment and the sound of some cloth moving, he could hear the key enter its hole and the sound of the locking mechanisms, he felt it was safe to turn around. Letting Temari through the threshold first, he took his time to look around the apartment from the doorway.

It had the exact same layout as his old apartment did. The door led into a large room he would've called the common room with the kitchen and living room taking the same space, the only light coming from small opening in the curtains. He waited till he was invited in, one of the few manners Kisame managed to beat into his head on their journey.

"You don't have to stand out there Naruto. You can come in you know."

Seeing that he got his invitation to enter, he stepped through and began his further examination of the small apartment. He could now see that it was shaped like a rectangle; there was a short hallway to his left that led to two rooms. Naruto assumed the first door would be the bathroom, with the following one the bedroom, same as his apartment. He was interrupted from his inner musing when he felt a light tap on his shoulder.

"Make yourself comfortable Naruto, I won't be gone long. Why don't you watch something?" Temari said before she walked to her bedroom.

Naruto nodded to her before flopping down on the sofa. If luck was with him something on the TV could keep him occupied till Temari was ready to go, but he was reminded why morning programming sucked. Out of the thirty channels Konoha had, only one had anything on that could be barely considered decent and that was a game show hosted by a man that had to be older than Tsunade.

Naruto watched for a few minutes, mentally shouting at the contestants for their idiocy. The last straw was the old man who overbid on a washer by several thousand ryo. Holding back the urge to hurl the remote through Temari's TV, he shut it off and stood up; all the while grumbling about idiotic elderly and old men's needs to castrate pets. With that off his chest, he took his time to look around the room he sat in.

It was even obvious to him that this apartment belonged to a girl, one with a love of all things purple or lavender. The walls were finished in a light shade of purple while the curtains were a dark violet. 'In a way it fits her' he idly thought as he wandered around the room. Then he saw them along the balcony, several plants that looked like they had seen better days.

Now being one that practiced gardening and had an apartment of well tended house plants, Naruto had to check them out. Walking to the window, he pushed the drapes aside and opened the glass doors. Seeing that the doors led to a balcony would be an overstatement, it was more of a ledge with iron rails placed to prevent someone falling out, but it was enough to hold several plants. A few that Naruto easily recognized, such as the aloe and poinsettia plants, but he could see that they needed some attention. So like an experienced gardener he liked to claim to be, he stuck his index finger into the soil of the closest pot, finding it to be dry as a desert. 'Hmm, poor guys probably haven't been watered in a few days, and with the weather being so hot. I can honestly say I'm surprised that these haven't died yet.'

With this bit of information, he looked around for something that he could use to water the plants, before finding an old watering can tucked between one of the pots. Grabbing the tin implement, he walked to the sink and began to fill it, idly wondering what was taking Temari so long, completely unaware of the blue-green eyes that watched his moves from around the corner.

-----

Temari smiled to herself as she watched Naruto check her plants while mumbling to himself. She was surprised how caring he seemed to be towards the inanimate things while mildly disappointed in herself for forgetting to tend her plants for the past few days. Especially so considering that she always told people that gardening was one of her hobbies. But this wasn't the time to bite her own head off at her irresponsibility. It was time to cause a bit of mischief.

Padding silently to the completely unaware blonde, Temari prepared to give him a small nudge that would make it seem like she was attempting to push him off. It was childish but Naruto was a ninja, he would be able to catch himself in case something went wrong. Seeing that the plus of having a good chuckle overrode the thought that she might kill her pseudo boyfriend went through with her plan. Reaching forward, she gave him a push, with more force than planned, sending the blonde man flying over the edge, Naruto screaming the whole way down before ending abruptly.

Fearing the worse, along with the fear of how she was going to explain to Gaara that she had killed his best friend, she peered over the ledge. Lying on the ground in a growing pool of blood was Naruto. Never did it occur to her that his skill as a ninja as well as adaption of the shadow clone jutsu or the fact she should always look up when in the presence of the legendary prankster. No, the fact that she killed the target of her mission took precedence.

It wasn't until she noticed the sound and presence of a snickering man above her, did she tear herself from the corpse on the ground below and look up. Seeing Naruto alive, Temari felt relief flow through herself, then she noticed he was laughing at her. Glancing back down at the seemingly dead Naruto, she was surprised to see him lying on his back, waving before dispersing in a cloud of smoke. Growling at the fact her prank had been turned against her, she glared at the now chuckling man above her. He would have to pay, in more ways than one…

-----

Kakashi followed Jiraiya through the back alleys of the market section, both pausing at the sounds of anguish that was oddly familiar to them, before continuing their way. As they passed shop after shop, Kakashi noticed something odd about this place. Every one of the shops were manned by old people and he didn't mean old like someone in their sixties, these were people whose only noticeable feature was the lack of features, it was just sagging flesh.

After passing the umpteenth store run by the elderly, they stopped at what appeared to be a pharmacy/alchemist shop.

"We're here." Jiraiya said quietly as if not wanting to alert anyone to their presence.

Kakashi just nodded at his superior's words before following him into the small shop. Once inside Kakashi took note of what he saw on the various shelves and bins that lined the walls. On one shelf there were boxes of something that he couldn't identify, next to a basket filled with dried lizards. All that seemed to be missing was a hand floating in a jar of preservatives. Biting back the shudder that threatened to break, Kakashi followed Jiraiya to the counter where the owner seemed to be napping.

Kakashi just stood there, trying to look as professional as he could as he waited for Jiraiya to do something, like check if the man was asleep or passed on, but when a black eye snapped opened and glared at him, Kakashi couldn't help but jump in fright. Then another black eye joined the first before turning towards Jiraiya. Both old men looked at each other for a moment before the owner seemed to fall back asleep.

"Mishimodo is in the back waiting for us. Follow me and just keep silent unless spoken to and whatever you do, do not harm her cats in any way."

Kakashi just gulped and nodded in understanding. Whoever this Mishimodo, she must be somebody big for even making Jiraiya act serious. Maybe a mob boss or something else as nefarious, or possibly a relation to the Daimyo. Whatever it was, it was enough for him to warrant being on his best behavior. Straightening his posture, he once again followed Jiraiya as they walked towards the back of the shop. Passing boxes and boxes of things that were all foreign to Kakashi, when they finally got to a closed door. Jiraiya was about to knock but a voice from inside ushered them to enter.

Seeing the invitation to enter was given, Jiraiya slowly opened the door but not before giving Kakashi one last look before entering the room. Kakashi understood what Jiraiya had said silently and gave himself a once over to make sure everything was in place before following the larger man. Once inside, the first thing he noticed was it was dark, and the air was rich with the aroma of tobacco. Once his eyes adjusted to the lack of light, Kakashi saw that they were now standing in a small office, the owner of which was sitting at her desk scribbling away, only stopping now and then to tap ash from her cigarette into an ashtray. It seemed that she was ignoring their presence completely but Jiraiya remained silent, he was taking his own advice to heart as well.

Finally with one last movement and a stamp, the woman turned to face them. Her piercing brown eyes examined them underneath her sagging brow, starting at Kakashi before turning her attention to Jiraiya. Minutes passed as she stared at the man, before a smile appeared on her face.

"You're late Jira-chan, hadn't sent me a message in so long or even come to visit lil ole me. It was almost as if you forgot I existed…" The elderly woman said, frowning and seemingly trying to guilt trip the Sannin.

"How could I ever forget the first woman to catch me peeping when I was a Genin, much less when she is the publisher/editor of my legendary books?"

Instantly the woman was back into a happy mode, rushing at a speed that surprised the Jounin as hugged the white haired man. Then the fact settled in his mind that Jiraiya had peeped on her, causing Kakashi to shudder as she was quite old and the image of her naked was quite unpleasant, then he remembered Jiraiya saying that he peeped on her when he was a Genin. Which had to be at least forty years ago, which meant she was probably a lot better looking then… but before he could press into his thoughts further, he felt something pressing against his leg.

Looking down, he was slightly surprised to find a grey tiger colored cat rubbing against him affectionately. Kakashi was unsure what to do, Jiraiya's warning was still fresh in his mind, and he wasn't quite fond of cats himself, much preferring to be a dog person and the nightmares of having to retrieve the daimyo's wife's cat still gave him nightmares. But the animal still continued its rubbing, pausing to look up at him and mew at him most pathetically. Finally going against his better judgment, he reached down and lightly scratched at the base of its ears, receiving a purr for his efforts from the delighted feline. It wasn't until he stood back up that he noticed two pairs of his eyes looking at him.

"What?" Kakashi asked as Jiraiya and Mishimodo kept staring at him.

Finally after a minute of an impromptu inspection that left Kakashi feeling mildly disturbed, the two elders turned back to each other and started to whisper to another.

"So Jira-chan, who's the scarecrow?" Mishimodo asked with a small movement to gesture to Kakashi.

"That's Kakashi Hatake; he was a student of Minato, and the teacher to my new apprentice."

Almost instantaneously, the old woman was now across the room and embracing Kakashi strongly, much to his and Jiraiya's surprise. It was quickly becoming something beyond awkward.

"Umm…" Kakashi started, not quite sure what to do in this situation. Looking to Jiraiya who returned with a shrug and smirk, he looked down and stumbled around in his mind to come up with what to say next…

Thankfully Mishimodo decided to speak, all the while nuzzling into Kakashi's chest.

"Jiraiya! Why didn't you tell me our biggest fan was with you and that he's adorable? And where the hell is Naruto-kun? I haven't seen that boy in over a year!"

Jiraiya just chuckled sheepishly while rubbing his head in a Narutoesque way.

"Well, I didn't think Kakashi was that big of a fan…?" He tried to ignore the canvas sack that sat against one of the walls that had the words 'From Kakashi Hatake' emblazoned on its side in red ink. "And Naruto is out on a date."

Once again, in a move that defied all known physics, Mishimodo had teleported across the room and was now tugging at Jiraiya's ear, beckoning him to lean down to her.

"You didn't do anything to corrupt the boy did you? This date doesn't have a lady of the night involved right? We had a long talk about the consequences if something like that happened…" She growled out, letting the threat hang.

" Nononono!" Jiraiya yelled out, gesturing with his hands wildly. "He's out with a nice girl, beautiful even!"

Mishimodo didn't believe him, twisting his ear a bit more painfully, bringing one of the strongest ninjas in the village to his knees.

"She's the Kazekage's sister!"

"Oh, I've heard of Temari-chan, bit of a tomboy, but a nice girl." She glanced at a sack, much smaller than Kakashi's but still grand in its own way with 'From Kankuro Subaku'.

"Can you let go of my ear now?! You're about to tear it off!"

"Bah, suck it up brat. What kind of ninja are you that you can't even take a little pain?"

"A wound from a blade or jutsu is beyond different than someone twisting your ear off! Now what did you want? I already gave you my manuscript months ago and it's going into print next week. Only Naruto has an advanced copy." Kakashi immediately perked up hearing this. "What could you possibly need to see me for now?"

Instantly the mood went downhill. Mishimodo released her hold and strode over to her desk, digging through the contents in search of something. After several moments, she found what she was looking for, tossing the object to Jiraiya speaking as she did.

"We have troubles."

Jiraiya looked down at the object in his hands, finding a book in his hands. Turning it over so he could read the cover, he sucked in a breath as he read the title. In bright, gold print, was the words 'Yaoi Paradise'.

-----

Naruto just walked along Temari as she led him to the dining establishment of her choice, absently rubbing his chest the whole while. His prank on the blonde girl didn't quite turn out as planned. He had expected a slap; maybe a punch to the shoulder after it was obvious that she didn't see the humor in his little stunt. Instead he was greeted to two vice like grips on his nipples, before they were twisted… HARD. He had heard of many forms of unorthodox methods of torture, but they had nothing on what Temari had done to him.

Now he was walking along with a sadist of a girl who seemed to be a bit too pleased with herself. Then there was the feeling that he was being watched, but that didn't really mean anything. He could feel all the eyes on him from the women they came across. Some were small glances accompanied with a gentle smile, others were open gawking. This was nothing out of the norm since he came back to the village.

Now if he had paid better attention to his surroundings, he would have noticed the two heads of hair, one bluish black, the other pure black, which poked over the ledges of the surrounding buildings, or the pink that was weaving through the crowds.

-----

Sakura smiled to herself as she saw that head of blonde hair that stood over the rest of the crowd. From her line of sight, she couldn't see that he was accompanied by a rival for his affections. She tried to call out to him, but her voice was lost over the din of the crowd. Seeing that being vocal was of no use, she decided to watch where he was going, smiling wider when she saw him entering a restaurant that was known for its grilled food.

'Well, look at that, guess I can kill two birds with one stone…" Sakura thought to herself as she made her way to where Naruto has gone.

-----

Naruto found himself blinking, trying to make his eyes adjust to the dimmed atmosphere of the somewhat large eatery. He just stood there looking around, taking in the sights of several couples eating along with an assortment of merchants and what he assumed was their hired help. He just stood there with Temari as he waited for someone to point them towards an open booth or something, hopefully away from people so he could eat without his mask. Now if he could get Kakashi to teach him the speed eating trick and he'd be set.

As he pondered the questions of how Kakashi manages to eat and swallow food in the blink of the eye, and the question of 'Does he even have time to taste it?' a teenager had come up to the two.

"Can I help you?" The girl asked with the chipper tone that all hostesses seemed to have.

"Yes…" Naruto said as he looked for a booth away from people, "Table or booth for two, preferably away from people."

The girl just smiled at the giant of a man before turning to the blonde that stood next to him, before breaking out into a wide grin.

"Are you two on a date?"

All she got for an answer was a stutter from the large man before her, accented with an embarrassed hand rubbing through his blonde hair, in all instances it was very cute, now if she could've seen his face. She was sure that the man would be blushing, but alas all was not right in her world and he had worn a mask similar to that silver haired pervert she had seen wandering the streets. Giggling slightly over the memory of said pervert being chastised by an old woman, she turned to the man's date, surprised that the young woman was glaring at her.

"Um…" The hostess tried to shake the feeling that the blonde woman was trying to murder her with her eyes. "If you two would follow me, I'll find you some seating."

With a nod from Naruto and a still glaring Temari, the young woman led them through the crowd of patrons, expertly weaving between the tables that were arranged haphazardly, before finally stopping at a corner booth. Standing quietly as the two took their seats, giggling slightly as the man had to move in farther so his legs wouldn't interfere with his dates. Once the two were situated, she placed their menus before them before taking their drink orders.

"So what can I get ya two to drink?"

"Sweet tea," Temari practically growled out as she watched the girl write down the order before turning to Naruto.

"And you?"

"I'll take the same please." Naruto said quietly, trying to ignore the cloud of ill intent that Temari was projecting.

The girl smiled brightly before turning and heading back to the front of the shop, leaving the two to do their own things, such as trying to figure something to use to begin the much needed small talk. So with a smile hidden beneath a layer of cloth, Naruto began the conversation, none the wiser to the trouble that was brewing outside.

-----

Hinata growled to herself as she watched Temari lead Naruto into the eatery. As it was standing she hadn't a chance to meet up with Naruto in a way that wouldn't seem odd to the blonde, somehow letting Temari get a chance to hook her talons into him and this would surely not due. With this thought came others unbidden, thoughts of how the blonde had changed over the years, the biggest being his size. Men in fire country held an average height of around five feet eight inches; with very few breaking the six foot measure, yet Naruto was easily half a head taller than that.

Yet he wasn't lanky, everything about his body was proportioned to others. He was built yet not overly so; everything seemed to work as if part of something more complex. Then the thought of proportions came back to her, pulling with itself some desires that were buried deep, bringing with them a mental image that had the Hyuuga blushing most profusely.

Only the small pulse of chakra nearby brought her back to her senses. The pulse was something quite familiar to her, familiar to any Hyuuga really. The pulse signified the activation of the bloodline that brought fame to the clan. Scrunching her brow in thought, she activated her Byakugan, ignoring the light headedness that came with being able to see almost around her, and began to search in the direction she felt the chakra emanate from.

Hinata almost felt her vision bleed into red when she saw the source though. The pulse had come from the rooftop next to her, from her darling little succubus of a sister. A sister she had explained to many times that Naruto was off limits, and one who had ignored her yet again. So Hinata, deciding to be the ever caring older sister, tried to remind her poor delusional sibling that Naruto was forbidden in the only way she knew. With liberal use of kunai with countless Senbon added to the mix.

But alas it seemed that it wasn't meant to be the Hanabi she was aiming at disappeared with a smirk and burst of smoke.

"Shadow clone?" Hinata asked the empty space of the rooftops, before she felt a presence in her blind spot.

"My my, trying to kill your little sister Oneesan? What would father think?" A sweet sounding voice chided, causing Hinata to tense before she swept around in a leg sweep.

The move served its purpose, putting her opponent on the defensive and gaining much needed space, as well letting Hinata blow off a miniscule amount of steam before she could tear into her adversary. So with a glare that would've made her father proud, she leveled her gaze onto Hanabi.

"What are you doing here Hanabi?"

"Oh, just doing some reconnaissance for the mission. Wouldn't do well to get myself into something over my head. You?"

"Same…" Hinata growled out "Thought I told you not to get involved with this? You don't know him. You never talked to him. You don't know his dreams or his aspirations…"

Hanabi interrupted "Doesn't mean I can't get to know him, get close to him, have him tell me about all that. I'm willing to go the lengths for him." She accentuated her speech with a grin that she picked up from her teacher.

Hinata just ground her teeth and glared. 'How dare that brat think of Naruto-kun with such ill intentions?' Her mind whirling at her sister's statement, along with the intent that wasn't spoken and was yet obvious, she prepared to straighten her out.

Tensing her legs, she prepared to leap at her sister, but Hanabi raised a hand to stop her.

"We don't have time to argue Neesan; Haruno seems to have spotted our quarry and decided to make herself known."

Hinata stopped the train of thoughts of harming her sister, turning them into thoughts of Naruto's ex-teammate. If Hanabi wasn't supposed to pursue Naruto, Sakura would have to go over Hinata's dead body before she could even harbor the thought of seeking anything beyond friendship with the blonde. But she was reminded of her partner and competitor that stood next to her. Hanabi was no better than the Haruno in her eyes. She didn't grow up alongside the man she loved; she didn't know his hardships and accomplishments outside the Chuunin exam years prior.

Yet she was in a conundrum. She had to stop Sakura from interrupting his lunch, but she couldn't leave Hanabi to her own dealings. She was too similar to her Jounin instructor for her tastes and would surely do something as devious as Anko was known for. Glancing at Hanabi then back at Sakura's form. She had two problems that needed to be straightened out, but only one was an immediate threat.

So once again she tensed her legs, preparing them for maximum momentum and speed before she leapt…

-----

Sakura felt herself grinning as she entered the restaurant. Ino and her had come to this place several times since its opening and it never failed to impress. Now she had another reason to be here besides the food. Standing just inside the entrance, she turned her head as she tried to locate the blonde that was on her mind almost constantly. It took her a moment of glancing over the heads of the other people who were eating their meals before she spotted the telltale blonde hair that could only belong to one person.

Ignoring the girl that came up to her that asked if she needed a table, she walked towards the corner booth, a noticeable bounce in her step. While her outer appearance was bright and cheerful, inside she was giggling like a schoolgirl as she thought of ways to surprise the blonde before deciding on the 'guess who' approach. Sure it was childish and something immature but it had a cute endearing quality tied to it, something that Naruto would surely get.

So with her plan arranged in her head, her jaw firmly set. Sakura began her walk towards her target. Only to be disappointed when she was close enough to see around his large form and see that Temari was sitting across from him. That was enough to let some red bleed into her vision and I.S. to begin ranting, but then the talk with her teacher came into her mind. Tsunade told her never to back down from a challenge, any kind of challenge, especially those that dealt with love.

So setting a smile back on her face, she quickened her step to the point that she was next to Naruto in a flash, and clasped her hands over his eyes.

"Guess who?" She asked sweetly as she brushed her face against his in hopes of making him slightly flustered, only to be disappointed that he was wearing the mask again.

"Hmm?" Naruto questioned, oblivious to the fact that Temari was glaring at him and Sakura. Instead of wondering why the air got chilled for a moment, he sniffed the air, unconsciously using a bit of wind manipulation to stir the scent particles up and bring them to his nose. 'Hmm, jasmine undertone with cherry. Hints of other flowers along with soil. This has to be either Sakura or Ino.' Dreading the thought of possibly answering wrong and bringing the feminine fury down upon himself, he decided to guess and hope for the best. "Sakura?"

Instantly the hands were off his face, the sudden intrusion of light causing him to blink a couple times till his eyes adjusted. Then with another blink he could see the hair that framed the face next to his. He was lucky, he guessed right and thus prevented a beating. Then he noticed Temari. He tried to ignore the glare, he really did, but the fact that Sakura had yet to move. Preferring to rub her face against his.

"Um… Sakura?" He asked quietly.

"Yes Naruto?"

"What are you doing?"

"You smell nice…" Sakura continued her ministrations, ignoring Temari whose grip on the edge of the table was starting to splinter some of the wood.

"Okay… that's good to know. Any other reason you're here?"

"Well…" Sakura started, trying to figure out how to word what she was going to say next, "I came here to pick up some lunch for Ino and myself."

"I bet" Temari cut in.

Ignoring the remark from the sand Nin Sakura continued. "Then I saw you and decided to come over and say hi. So what are you two doing here? You on a date?"

"Actually…" Naruto was about to explain it wasn't exactly a 'date' date, Temari beat him to the punch.

"My, aren't you a bright one. I would've thought all those years off the active roster would take a toll on your deduction ability, but you've proved me wrong, even got it in one guess…" Temari ground out, narrowing a glare at her pink haired opposition.

Sakura of course, didn't take the thinly veiled barb lightly, so she answered with one of her own.

"Well Miss Subaku, even though I've been off the active roster for a bit, I didn't let my skills rust, a girl needs to keep herself in shape, mentally as well as _physically_…"

Naruto just sat there trying to comprehend what was going on; the tension that the two females seemed to be emitting was confusing. It seemed like they were about to throw down at the slightest thing. 'I mean what's wrong with letting yourself slack a bit…' Yes Naruto may have gained a bit in things, but he was as dense as a lead weight when it came to sensing the atmosphere among the female gender.

"You trying to say something Haruno?" Temari gritted out, clenching a chopstick in her hand.

Needless to say, when a Haruno senses an opening, they swoop in for the kill.

"Just making an observation. Suna must have cold nights, so a little insulation around the midsection probably handy to have."

Naruto just did the only sensible thing at a time like this, though making sure to keep an eye on the blonde across from him. If the way she was gripping that chopstick was anything to go by. Then he caught movement from the corner of his eye, pink hair coming closer and closer. Soon a hand brushed along his cheek, green eyes staring into his blue.

"Well Naruto, Ino pig is waiting for me to bring lunch so I must be going. Why don't we go out for a bite to eat sometime? Just the two of us."

Naruto didn't see it, but he felt the air displace as a chopstick was used as a lethal weapon, and just how close he was to having an extra hole in his head. Sakura though, saw the deadly eating utensil and moved just enough to dodge without it being obvious, brushing her nose against Naruto's. The man in the booth across from theirs couldn't quite say the same; his club sandwich had a wooden spike through it.

"I'll see you around Naruto-kun."

With those words spoken, Sakura sashayed away, pausing only to glance back at Naruto and wink; leaving him with an irate blonde who was murmuring plans of mutilation and decapitations. Naruto wisely chose to keep his mouth shut and wait for their drinks to arrive. So with no words spoken aside from giving the waitress who took their orders and Temari's mumbling. Naruto sat and thought oh how the hell his life became so strange, oblivious to what is happening on the roof across from him or the building crowd outside.

-----

A/N: Had this sitting around for awhile so did a few touch up here and there so I could throw it up. Forgot how much of a pain in the ass starting a new story is so bringing this version out of retirement. As always, read and review. Till next time kids.


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